Sunday Times – Wyrmlog

The Court of Ancient Grievances

Order! Order! The Court of Ancient Grievances is now in session!

It is hereby alleged that on or around the 9th of October 1998 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated that the song Thunderbirds are Coming Out by TISM contained “speculation about the sexual proclivities of the Thunderbirds puppets”, indicating that said reviewers had either not listened to the song, or when listening to the song did not pay even cursory attention to the lyrics.

It is furthermore alleged that on or around the 26th of February 2001 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated in relation to the song Heat Seeking Pleasure Machine by Paul Mac that “Paul Mac has a sexy voice”, indicating that said reviewers did not carry out any research or even bother to read the back of the CD case – both actions that would have uncovered the publicly available fact that the vocalist on said song was Tex Perkins of the Cruel Sea.

It is also alleged that on or around the 12th of June 2002 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated that the song Satisfaction by Benny Benassi was a cover of the Rolling Stones song (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, indicating that said reviewers either failed to listen to the Benny Benassi song, failed to listen to the Rolling Stones song, or equally likely failed to listen to either.

Therefore, it is the opinion of this court that the music reviewers of the Sunday Times between the years 1998 and 2002 were a bunch of complete fart-artists labouring under the weight of a total and systemic contempt for music, the music listening public and their responsibilities as employees of the Sunday Times.

How plead the defendants?

(Note: The Court of Ancient Grievances acknowledges that this all happened a long time ago, and that it might in fact have been the music reviewers of the West Australian Newspaper who carried out these crimes against fact. If so, the Court apologises unreservedly to the music reviewers of the Sunday Times who presumably did not have their heads completely up their arses.)

M.C. Surveyor General in the Upper House

People are currently expressing a great deal of surprise that the hip-hop term “diss” (that is to disrespect someone) first appears in the December 10th 1906 edition of Perth’s own Sunday Times.

Those of us familiar with the history of our fair state however know full well that rap was an important and influential part of Western Australian history and politics from the 1880s right up until the first world war.

Take for instance Lord John Forrest’s maiden speech to Parliament in 1890…

I’m Lord John Forrest, G.C.M.G.,
Raised in the hood of Bunbury,
With Dr John Ferguson my Pop did sail,
I learned to rhyme at the feet of Bishop Hale,
First native born son to become a surveyor,
For the Lands and Survey crew of Western Australia,
Searched the deserts for Leichhardt with Tommy Windich,
Then from Esperance to Adelaide showing Eyre he’s my bitch,
Pinned the source of the Murchison down real pretty,
Then cruised the red centre to Adelaide city…

It continues like this for several paragraphs, but they’re mostly just demands for a knighthood and/or railway and poorly worded insults leveled at John Septimus Roe (let’s not even get into the infamous East Coast/West Coast feud with Sir Henry Parkes).

Miscelleny

Miscellaneous Stuff Part 1: I got a brochure in my letter box yesterday telling me that I could get the Sunday Times delivered each week for only $1.80! Seriously, if I need packing material I can grab a copy of the local paper for free.

Miscellaneous Stuff Part 2: Surely Bob Katter can’t get any more ridiculous? Yes, yes he can…

Miscellaneous Stuff Part 3: Another excellent blog I should have mentioned earlier – someone’s posting the entire Diary of Samuel Pepys – day by day. They’re up to March 1668, but you should really go back and start at the beginning. Fascinating stuff.