Lyrics – Hampden Parks and Recreation

I’ve spotted a few people in my logs looking for these lyrics, so, here’s my best shot at them. You’re welcome!

Hampden Parks (Freestyle Friday #7) – E-Dubble

Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay! Ay!

Yeah some days, I feel unfazed,
Like when I’m with my friends with a cup raised,
But come Monday, I got a gun raised,
Suicidal do or die until hump day,
Then I go right back at it like an automatic,
More drinks, more songs, more beats to rap,
For me to shrink, I’m gone, more time keeps passing,
No watch no thoughts at all just a hat,

New era – Rep my P’s and those O’s
Need a Phillies with the orange and black to feel home,
From Citizens Bank back to Camden Yards,
It’s the tale of two cities and trust we go hard,
Trust we go hard?
Yes we go hard,
You said we go hard?
I said we go hard,

Rockin’ my Bob Couseys, stockin’ up on the looseleaf,
The lyrics come easy but the life is a doozy,
And yes I’m choosy and no I won’t settle,
But I still take pop-off over that kettle,
Cuz’ I’m talking bigger picture and yes I’m gonna hitcha with that…

No shit!

Speak when necessary, no I never been a loud mouth,
Introvert but I insert a few wow-outs,
No Nick Cannon, David Banner when I pow-wow,
Hennessy but hold the hip I’m ’bout to have a brown out,
Clowns runnin’ round with the make up on they face,
To that I’m astringent – I been this way,
New bars, new beats, yeah that’s me all day
New cars, new freaks, no you keep that main,

I’m a business man, in a business, man!
Obstacles made me who I am,
Let loose, no truce, my boots come off,
Once Black Paisley has made my family’s fortune,
With a corner office and the greener pastures,
Sip cheap liquor till’ I’m leaning backwards,
Grip this dream you can see my passion,
Rep my city no beef with Asher,

Blue Bella and Blood help me write the chapters,
I’ll be home soon and we’ll toast the Asti,
Sip mimosas till me no-no my name,
EVA phhhht – I’m gone again!

Back to the mansion and yes I’m home again,
Rockin’ in Hampden and yes you know the name,
Young English – Black Paisley – Irish Toothache, who they be?
Who they be?
Who they be?
Who they be?
Well they be us!
Poor English, screwed up semantics,
I am talking real shit, speak my language,
Celebrate the blemishes, throw away the tentative,
I be on some other shit so go and tell the other kids,
Tell the other kids,
Tell the other kids,
Tell the other kids,
Tell the other kids,

Tell them other kids whatever you like,
It’s freestyle Friday, March 9 19th whatever,
I don’t doo derrrrrr ithat wenthay,
Dooba dooba dabba dooba deeba dub dub,
Rap songs, rap music we do what we want,
Dooba dabba dooba deeba dabba dooba the fronts…

Yeah, now look, I just checked my uh, checked the weather, on my phone, on my telephone, on my cellular telephone, it’s supposed to get up to 71 degrees today! S’posed to get up to 71 degrees. Holy guacamole. Hey y’know it’s not a traditional, saying for a rapper to say but holy guacamole’s underused, and um, what I’m trying to say is – it’s Springtime! OK? We’ve weathered the storm! Happy Freestyle Friday, seeya guys.

Snakes into Saints

In a follow up to my last post, I was recently quite disappointed to learn that the lyrics to the Killers’ Mr Brightside are not ‘turning snakes into the sea’, but ‘turning saints into the sea’, which is still a bloody puzzling thing to say, but somehow nowhere near as cool.

This is the second thing I got wrong about the song. When I first heard it I thought it was about seeing someone you have a thing for – but are too timid to attempt a shot at – going home from a bar or party with someone else. It actually turns out to be about suspecting your partner is having an affair.

I find it darkly amusing that my brain – even when simply considering a song – refused to construct a scenario where I have a partner, and instead cast me in the role of the pathetic, forever alone guy watching the girl he wants walking away ;D

The Fantastic Sounds of the Pictures

Featuring the Spazzys

I’ve taken a day off of work to get my head in order after the Melbourne trip. Rather than spend any time blogging about it, or putting up the many photos I took, I’ve spent the day pottering about the house and listening to mp3s, one of which just happened to be See You Home Tonight from the Pictures’ 2007 release The Fantastic Sounds of the Pictures.

Not only is this a great song, but it features the vocal talents of the Spazzys, so there’s frankly no circumstances under which I could ever dislike it. That said – somewhat ironically given the album title – the sound production on the track is fairly muffled and muddy, which makes it rather difficult to pick out the lyrics. This hasn’t previously bothered me unduly, but today I was struck with a sudden desire to find them out. “No problem!” I thought “I’ll look them up on the interwebs!” but to my shock and horror, I couldn’t seem to locate them anywhere.

This is not a situation that can be allowed to stand, so I’ve just spend the last half hour playing the song over and over, and listening intently to a live version some kind soul put up on YouTube. As a result, I can now present the following lyrics, which (apart from one bit in the first verse) I am 100% certain are correct.

(The bits in italics are sung by the Spazzys, just so that’s clear…)

See You Home Tonight
by The Pictures (featuring The Spazzys)

I know you won’t want to come to my party,
But if you do we’ll throw good times away,
Dance and drink the whole night long,
Until my pal, he finally lets me say…

So I’m asking you,
‘Cause he can’t ask himself,
Can he see you home, tonight?

No he can’t,
No he can’t,

I know there must be something I missed,
If he’s too shy, for it to come to this,
Well that all might be very well,
But with the crush he got on you, well I just can’t tell!

So I’m asking you,
‘Cause he can’t ask himself,
Can he see you home, tonight?

No he can’t,
See you home tonight…
No he can’t,

Now we got the sun rise up,
It’s time to know if he’s all out of luck,
Before you run and get away,
Just give us one more chance to hear me say…

So I’m asking you,
Can he ask himself?
Can he see you home, tonight?

Can he see you home?
He can’t see me home,
Can he see you home, tonight?

No he can’t,
See you home tonight…
No he can’t,
No he can’t,
See you home tonight…
No he can’t,

Ursarkar E. Creed’s Favourite Song

Kell on the other hand can’t stand it…

(With profound apologies to Pig with the Face of a Boy)

I had a little stormbolter,
He was my only friend,
I took him to the holoshow,
And loved him ’till the end,

I had a little barking toad,
On my windowsill,
And he ate all the flies,
That came in my room,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Or I’ll have to cut your head off, with a blunt chainsword,

I had a little plasma gun, I shot it at a Tau,
I fired off six shots and I burnt my hand on the grip,
I stole a Sister’s laud-hailer and used it to do this,
CREEEEEEED!!!
But then a Necron broke it so I damaged all his face,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Or I’ll have to wipe the remnants of your insides off my face,

Please don’t tread on my little barking toad,
He’s my only, only friend in the whole wide world,
He was little, and green, and he kept me free from flies,
Until someone trod on him, and he exploded, destroying everything for a radius of approximately one kilometre,
And it was very, very sad,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
How would you like it if I stole your cogigtator?
And I gave it to an Eldar in exchange for spirit stones?

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha! ha! ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha! ha! ha ha ha!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA,
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh,

Good!

With Apologies to Heywood Banks

All across the country from west to east,
People always ask me what I like to eat,
I don’t wanna brag, or be indiscrete,
I always tell them, I like meat…
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!

I get up in the morning ’bout six am,
Get myself some bacon, get myself a pan,
Pick me out a rasher, put it on the griddle,
Turn up the dial till the fat starts to sizzle,
I cook meat…
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!

When the first caveman got up on his feet,
Didn’t know what kind of things he could eat,
Must have been a genius, cause he got an idea,
Get a stick and a rock, fashion up a spear,
To hunt meat…
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!

There’s no secret to carnivore perfection,
Go talk to your butcher and make a selection,
Roast it in the oven or fry it on the grill,
Or serve it on a spike like they do in Brazil ,
With their meat…
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!
YEAH MEAT!!!!!!!!

(The inevitable result of email discussions with the guys about planning a return visit to that Brazilian barbecue place. Puzzled? Click here…)

Me China Mel Dancin’

My good friend Mel is dancing…

Doo-doo-doo-doo,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah-eah,

Yemen and his Igor photo me,
I’m on the phone, yous can each foresee,
Cool me down,
Rinse a mouse in front of me,
(front of me)
So that’s the way I felt then wa-ah-ah,
So we can eat a Hilton, la la la,
You’re so mean,
See there the melody,

Oh-wow-o-wow-ow,

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,

Me I’m flocking home giving up for stoats,
As I’m coming down I slip the ropes,
Cool me down,
The TARDIS taking over yeah,
(oh-wow-ow-wow-ow)
So that’s the way I felt then, wa-ah-ah,
So we can eat a Hilton, la-la-la,
You’re so mean,
See there the melody,

So come on,
Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,

So come on,
Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Kingboy, how do you know?

The porpoise is a mighty beast, black and sleek and wild,

I was (as I commonly am) feeling a bit bored at work the other day and decided that the ideal thing I needed to perk me up was to listen to Porpoise Song from the seminal (and only) JAMS collection, History of the JAMS. I mean who wouldn’t be energised by the sound of a dolphin squawking  Billy Jean? So to YouTube I went!

I quickly located the Porpoise Song and whacked it on. It turned out to be nothing like I expected.

This is a common problem when dealing with the KLF. Their general method of music production was to come up with a song, create a dozen different mixes of it, release half of them on severely limited run vinyl, chop the rest up into samples and build new tracks out of them, release those on various different albums and call all of them by the same name! This means that when you get your hands on a K Foundation track you never quite know if it’s the one you expect.

This was not the one I expected, but it was still awesome – as is to be expected from  anything by the Timelords.

After listening to Kingboy D’s tale of the high seas six or seven times I decided I’d actually like to know what he was carrying on about and did a search for the lyrics. I found them, and discovered that – as is so often the case – the only ones available online were severely deficient. So, I decided the only thing to do was transcribe them myself.

This was no easy task. Sound effects of crashing waves and stormy seas combined with Bill’s thick Clydeside accent make parts of the track almost completely incomprehensible. But I’ve done my best. Parts that I’m not sure of are indicated in square brackets – some of which contain absolute gibberish, but it’s at least gibberish that sounds like whatever he’s rapping. So, enjoy!

(2015 Edit: Thanks to BeeblePete for his suggestions which have been incorporated below)

PORPOISE SONG
The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu

Kingboy Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
You talk in riddles, talk in rhyme,
Make no sense to the dumb and blind,
When you gonna learn?
That it’s time to go?

For fourteen days and fourteen nights we’d trawl those northern seas,
Six of us and a [galley pot and night in front of us],
I was just nineteen, a boy aboard, Jack London was my stuff,
The rest of the crew were all bucky men but the skipper was named MacDuff,

In the cold and wet, the dark and rough, the work was never done,
For every four hours the chain bell rang with another catch to run,
Then knee deep in fish that were gasping their last and us with our blades in hand,
We’d slit their throats and clean their guts and laugh at those on land,

One night alone and up on deck beyond Bill Bailey’s Bank,
Just me, my soul and the roar of the [scuds] and the swirling black below,
Wet with spray and numb with cold and fresh bile in my throat,
I was counting the hours back to Peterhead and the youth years lost afloat,

The draw of the deep has a mighty strong arm and me, I was playing to win,
As we wrestled there on the starboard [side my soul was relieved from sin],
And through the chunder of diesel power and crumbling cliffs of [search],
I heard a cry and a sweet lament, a clarion call so strange,

Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
You talk in riddles, talk in rhyme,
Make no sense to the dumb and blind
When you gonna learn?
That it’s time to go?
It’s time to go,
It’s time to go,

The porpoise is a mighty beast, black and sleek and wild,
And there that night I chanced to meet far from the banks of the Clyde,
And this is what he sang to me as he leapt from wave to wave,
“Claim your crown and join the JAMs the world is there to save”,

Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
(Yeah, sometimes I know, it’s all so clear…)
You talk in riddles, talk in rhyme,
Make no sense to the dumb and blind
When you gonna learn?
That it’s time to go?
(Go? Where?)
It’s time to go,
(I’m already there…)
It’s time to go,

So here we are at the end of the year like monkeys to perform!
With an neat scratch here and a sample there and a [stand] to match your rhyme,
The twists and turns and [choice] of fate has left us what we are,
Well I’m a king! I’ve made my choice! Now let’s get tae the bar!

Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
You talk in riddles, talk in rhyme,
Make no sense to the dumb and blind,
When you gonna learn?
That it’s time to go?
(Are you takin’ me?)
It’s time to go,
It’s time to go,

Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, what’s it all about?
Kingboy, Kingboy,
Kingboy, how do you know?

Interesting footnote: Whereas the English pronounce “porpoise” and “tortoise” as “por-poys” and “tor-toys” we Australians say “por-pus” and “tor-tus”. Hmmmm.

11/11/11

It occurred to me late last night that Plastic Bertrand’s Ca Plane Pour Moi and Sigue Sigue Sputnik’s Love Missile F1-11 share the same beat and chord progression (or at least the same something, I’m no musician…). This means that you could make an awesome mashup!

Think about it!

US bombs cruising overhead!
There’s goes my love rocket red!
Multi-millions still unfed!
Psycho maniac interbred!
(Wooo-oo-oo-ooo!)
Now shoot it up!

Shoot it up!
Shoot it up!
Shoot it up up up up up up!
Now shoot it up!
(Wooo-oo-oo-ooo!)
Shoot it up!

Yeah, I’ll shut up now 🙂

PS: Boo yah! Plain Packaging legislation has passed. Take that Tobacco industry!

The Lancaster Soup!

Chinballs!

Call me a Heretic if you like, but as far as I’m concerned the correct lyrics are…

Mmmm-mmmm-mmmm-mmmm,
Feed the foam,
Environment,
At Royco, Cup-a-Soup,

You’re acting fifteen!
Touching yourself, repent!
At Royco, Cup-a-Soup!

OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!
The Lancaster Soup!
Soup in a cup!
God is Royco, Cup-a-Sooooooooop!!!!!!

In government the liquor’s the same,

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that!

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