Wyrmlog

It’s a dark, grey morning in Perth with low cloud, persistant drizzle and lightning flickering in the sky – the kind of morning that really makes you feel alive. Despite this I’m rather groggy and sleep deprived, mainly from staying up late on Sunday to watch Eurovision (Go Finland!) and from the aforementioned lightning that kept me awake for a good portion of last night. Oh well, at least it means winter might finally be upon us.

My co-worker Bevan turned up at work yesterday with one of those moustache plus goatee mini beard things that I’m sure there’s a name for. Given that he cut his hair fairly short a few weeks back, and that he’s about 6 foot tall and heavily built, he now bears a startling resemblance to Jayne Cobb.

That’s all I’ve got to say.

Well how about that, Finnish horror glam rock group Lordi (or as the Wogun calls them ‘The Orcs’) seem to have won Eurovision. Well done them. The best Eurovision entries are always the ones where everyone just decides to be extremely silly, and Lordi are the silliest thing I’ve seen in years. I mean the lead singer (‘Mr Lordi’ apparently) has wings! Wings!

Anyway there’s been another long gap between entries (for which I must apologise) but at least it means I have more to write about.

First up, I got the results of my sleep study. Apparently I snore for 70% of the time I’m asleep. Great. I also stop breathing an average of 11.7 times an hour, which works out to just over every five minutes. During these events my blood oxygen level drops down to about 87% meaning my brain isn’t getting enough oxygen – which pretty neatly explains why I’m so gorram tired all the time.

Most of the events are down to Obstructive Apnoea, which is where the soft tissue of the throat relaxes too much, collapses and blocks airflow. However some of them are apparently the result of Central Apnoea, which is where the brainstem decides breathing is optional and stops telling the lungs to work. This can be caused by all sorts of exciting things like brain lesions, brain tumours and degenerative neurological disorders – but sometimes just happens for no reason anyone can figure out. According to the doctors I almost certainly don’t have any of these things, but I’ve got an appointment with a specialist in a few weeks to check it out.

The specialist will also figure out some form of treatment, the most common of which is being hooked up to a breathing machine*OK, yes, technically it’s not a breathing machine, all it does is maintain pressure in the airway to keep it open – I was simplifying, satisfied? while you sleep. This is apparently quite inconvenient but most people find the improvement in sleep quality more than outweighs it. I have to admit I’m looking forwards to trying it out because frankly I don’t think I’ve had a proper night’s sleep in about twenty years.

One upshot of the diagnosis is that I’ve finally got my plan to take time off work working. For ages I’ve been planning to take one day off work a fortnight (so I’ll have time to actually DO stuff) but haven’t had the opportunity (or guts 🙂 to bring it up with Dale. But a story on Triple J’s Hack about negotiating in the workplace gave me some tips and I finally broached the subject – using apnoea induced sleep deprivation and possible brain tumours to generate sympathy. And it worked! Starting in two weeks I’ll be taking every second Monday off. Caloo calay!

This will give me more time to work on various projects. The latest one I’m all excited about is an old school computer game (development title ‘Monkstorm’) where you control a 14th century French Monk armed with warhammer, incense and holy water battling his way through hordes of zombies in a cursed monastery to rescue sacred relics that can ward off the plague (sort of like an ecclesiastical version of Resident Evil :). I’m looking at building it in Game Maker, which I’ve been fooling around with – it seems like an excellent program for this kind of thing. I’ve also been throwing together some graphics (compiled largely from the RPG Maker series), which I may post below – if I can be bothered 🙂

If Monkstorm ever does get up and running it won’t be for a while because I’m waiting on the actual Game Maker book. It’s much easier to learn a program when you’ve got a physical manual on hand. And it will of course be released as freeware – to minimise any potential problems with copyright infringements.

(Now I’ve just got to find some character sprites that don’t look like pokemons or manga midgets *sigh*)

Now, what else was I going to write about? How about Purdey? Things still seem to be going great, we spent much of last Sunday over at the folk’s place for Mother’s Day (my family didn’t freak her out too much I think :), then went out for dinner with Rebecca and Dom. We were supposed to meet them at “Wogga Mamma’s” in Subiaco, which I’d never heard of but presumed was a small Italian place – possibly with an amusingly stereotyped “Mamma” character on the menus. As it turned out the place was actually a chain Asian fusion place named “Wagamama” which really shows just how fantastic my hearing is over the phone. But it turned out OK because the food was pretty good and the prices very reasonable. We’ll probably be going back again, especially since Rebecca forced us to join their frequent diners scheme (any half hearted objections on my behalf were quashed by Rebecca’s pointing out that she forced me to join RSVP, and look how well that turned out).

She (that is to say Purdey) is coming over this afternoon and we’re heading off for high tea at the Hyatt for my brother’s birthday. I really like it that she’s willing to traipse off to these kind of ridiculous family events with me 😀

What else was there I was going to talk about. The Prime Minister staying six nights in a $10,000 a night hotel in Rome perhaps? There’s our tax dollars at work! No, that’s right! Black Books. I treated myself to the season one DVD of Black Books, a show that I saw the first episode of some years back, then consistently managed to miss right up to the start of the third season. For those unfamiliar with it it’s a rather insane British sitcom about an alcoholic misanthrope named Bernard Black who runs an eccentrically sinister bookshop in Bloomsbury, and his (quite possibly only) two friends. Manny – a balding, bearded, well meaning weirdo who works in said shop, and Fran – the semi-alcoholic, man-obsessed proprietor of the fairly crappy gift shop next door. Now, OK, that doesn’t sound terribly entertaining, but this is more down to my poor powers of description than anything else 🙂

The series veers a rather erratic path between rather dark humour and completely inane silliness. First season plots for instance include Bernard trying to get himself seriously injured to avoid having to do his tax (a feat he achieves by taunting some Millwall fans) and Manny getting locked into the store overnight and having to eat bees. It’s fantastic! 🙂

I guess the real reason I enjoy the show so much is twofold. Firstly Bernard runs his bookstore exactly the way I would. Eccentric opening hours, trying not to sell anything because then he’d just have to restock and herding customers out the door with a megaphone whenever they get two annoying. The second reason – Tamsin Greig 🙂

Anyway I’d best be off to prepare for high tea *shudder*. At least the sandwiches aren’t bad I suppose.

Yesterday a number of goodly things occurred.

Telstra have finally got their act together and I have “broadbands”. Hooray! The downside is I’ve now got to think of something to do with it. After a year and half (or so) of living with slow, unreliable dial up I’m used to hopping online and then franticaly trying to achieve a few brief things before the connection dies. The luxury of always-on, speedy access leaves me kind of stunned. I spent a good ten minutes (OK, maybe 30 seconds) just sitting there looking at the screen thinking “Well what do I do now?” 🙂

My fancy ergonomic mice arrived. I’ve been getting pains in my wrist and arm, and rather than bothering to get in shape or spend less time on the computer or adopt a healthy lifestyle or anything I plumbed for a band-aid solution and bought two vertical mice. One for home and one for the office. They look very cool and funky, and (at this early stage) are about as easy and comfortable to use as a house brick on a piece of string – but no doubt I’ll get used to them. And they seem to be doing some good – I’m still getting arm pains, but they’re in different places, so I figure that’s an improvement.

I discovered that I’d somehow managed to misplace two Wonderfalls DVDs – meaning there’s eight entire episodes I haven’t seen (as opposed to none). Well, I know what I’m doing this weekend!

I still have no hot water, but this may be down to the gas problems which are supposed to be fixed today – so maybe I’ll be able to have a shower tonight.

Oh, I almost forgot, two new additions to the client stupidity file emerged this week!

Example 1

Client: I was wondering, I’ve been taking orders from my website for the last year and shipping the goods – when do I get the money?
Us: Sorry?
Client: Well I’ve sent out $4000 worth of goods, when are you going to give me the money?
Us: Ah… You have been clicking the ‘Process Credit Card’ button when you process your orders – right?
Client: No – What’s that?
Us: The button you click to actually charge people.
Client: Oh. Can I do that now?
Us: Well, yes, except for the orders that are more than 6 months old because they won’t have credit card details anymore.
Client: Oh.

(For the record, all our clients receive full training on how to process orders, get a manual including full instructions on how to process orders and when they have their first order come through we phone them up and step them through processing it.)

Example 2

Client: Thanks for spending the last two months building our database driven website – the $3000 has been really worth it. Can you talk to these Suppliers? We need you to integrate their search form into the site.
Us: No worries
Supplier: Right, this is how you add the search form.
Us: OK… right that’s working fine.
Supplier: Great. Now how are we going to switch the rest of the site over to our systems?
Us: Sorry?
Supplier: Well I’ve had a look at the site, and they’d be much better using our database system. We can offer them a lot more.
Us: Right…..
Supplier: We can set up the rest of the pages the same way at the search results – that way they’ll be getting a lot more value for money.
Us: Er….
Supplier: Our system works a lot better than the way the site is currently set up. I can run you through some examples of other sites using it if you like. They’ll find it a lot easier to use and maintain.
Us: Uh… I think you’d probably better talk to them about this.
Supplier: Really? Are you sure?
Us: Well, considering we’ve just spent the last two months building their website and setting them up on our system…
Supplier: But our system has a lot of advantages. They can get figures direct from our database and integrate them…
Us: Yeah, um, look, talk to them OK?.
Supplier: (surprised) OK…

Now that’s optimism. Attempting to steal a contract by pitching the idea to the actual people you’re trying to steal it from. Been to one too many sales seminars I think 🙂

LATER: Podcasts! Of course! Thanks Ryan 😀

OK, woke up this morning with no hot water – which isn’t too surprising since various workmen seem to have spent much of yesterday digging great holes in the gardens, drilling small holes through the concrete footpaths and generally creating an almighty mess. It seems that even more ruptured water pipes have been discovered and that the entire complex is in iminant danger of either floating away or sinking.

There also seem to have been some gas problems. When I got home yesterday every unit had an Alinta notice shoved under the door saying that the gas had been shut off and explaining how to turn it back on. There was also a noticable gassy smell around the place which persisted until at least this morning. Hopefully I won’t arrive home tonight to find the complex reduced to a smoking crater after my downstairs neighbours inopportunately try to light their bongs.

(Inopportunately. Is that a word? Am I using it right? Am I spelling it right?)

Holes in the water pipes, holes in the gas pipes. The only explanation is the complex is constructed over a nest of subterranean Mole Men who’ve recently invented the hand drill. Soon we’ll all be besieged by Morlocks!