Tunnel Dreams

Idiot dreaming of future rail lines.

If tomorrow the people of Perth arrived en-mass at my front door to appoint me absolute Monarch of the State, there would be a number of programs I would immediately initialise. For instance, the coversion of East Perth Power Station into a royal palace, the banning all imports from Texas (with the exception of Ms Kelly Clarkson) and the distribution of knighthoods and government allowances to people who don’t generally hack me off (a small and exclusive group).

But my major legacy to the state (apart from the continuation of the royal line – ideally with the assistance of Ms Kelly Clarkson) would be the expansion of the city’s public transport system via the construction of a number of underground rail lines. And they would go like this…

(Asterisks indicate interchanges with other lines)

The Northern Suburbs Line – Sorrento, Greenwood*, Ellersdale Avenue, Balcatta Road, Mirrabooka, Norranda, Morley, Broun Avenue, Bayswater*, King William Street, Ascot*, Blackrock Road, Belmont.

The City/Ariport Line – International Terminal, Domestic Terminal, Ascot*, Tranby, Burswood Island, WACA, Victoria Square, Perth Underground*, Cloisters*, Mill Point, Perth Zoo, Douglas Avenue, Ellam Street, Burswood Island (again).

The University Line – Glendalough*, Dog Swamp, Edith Cowan, Hyde Park, Russel Square, Cloisters*, Observatory, Nicolson Road, QE II, UWA North, UWA South, Applecross, Canning Bridge*, Goss Avenue, Curtin, Boundary Road, Hill View Terrace, Oats Street*.

There’s a fair potential for expansion there – for instance the University Line could be linked with the Northern Suburbs line with an expansion between Oats Street and Belmont. The other end of the University Line could be run out to Scarborough Beach, and a further expansion up to Sorrento could complete the loop. Norranda station is well placed for a branch line up to Whiteman Park and Ellenbrook. There’s also plenty of potential to expand into the southern suburbs – or at least there would be if they were anything more than a barren wasteland haunted by wind and ghosts 😉

I’ve obviously got it all figured out. On with the coronation! 😀

Alles klar, Herr Kommissar

For the Emperor!

Spent an entertaining day up at Fabes’ place yesterday figuring out how to play Warhammer 40k. We ran a very small scale (375 points) test game in which my Valhallans completely wiped the floor with his non-specific Space Marines. My stunning victory was down to a number of points..

  • We had very little idea what we were doing
  • The ridiculously low points value we ran with meant the Valhallans outnumbered the Marines about 3 to 1
  • Fabes kept rolling 1s

But hey, it was just a run through to figure out the movement and shooting rules, so I shouldn’t crow too much 😀

I enjoyed the game enough to go and check out the cost of some Valhallan models (we were using proxies for everything) but – as one expects from Games Workshop – the prices are insane. If I can be bothered I might look at some alternatives, World War II Red Army figurines obviously – but no promises. I mean seriously, do I need another hobby? 😀

It may have been called “Adam 1985” or something…

Televisual Memories

Yes, yes, happy new arbitrary point in the earth’s orbit and all that. I have more important things to talk about. Like TV.

(If I were running things then the year would start/end at a solstice or equinox or something. You know, a date that means something. Hrumph.)

Anyway, I remembered a TV show the other day that I haven’t thought of for years. The trouble is I don’t know the name of it, and can only remember a few fragments of plot. This is driving me nuts so I thought I’d start off the new year by putting all the details I can remember about it up online, thus making it someone else’s problem.

It was a live action show. I have a vague suspicion that it was made somewhere in Europe, and dubbed into English – or at least it was filmed in English but in association with a French or Belgian or Dutch (or maybe German) TV network. The plot (insofar as I remember it) was that at some point in the future the world is threatened. You see, in the future everyone wanders around in white robes in a big white building, listening to a super intelligent computer – which appears to be nothing more than a large perspex cube. This computer predicts that some kind of cataclysm is going to occur – a comet, or a planet or an asteroid is going to collide with the earth. Oy gevalt!

Now, the super civilisation of the future is based around the discoveries of a brilliant scientist who was born in the 20th century. In his memoirs he mentioned that he once developed a formula that could be used to move a planet – exactly what the future people need to do to save the earth. But, the formula doesn’t appear anywhere in his papers. So the future people decide they need to travel back in time to the 1980s (when the scientist – about 12 years old at the time – says that he developed the formula) and get it off him – without disturbing the time line by walking up to him and saying “Hey! We’re from the future!”.

So a small team travels back to the 1980s and spends most of their time stumbling around, not actually achieving anything.

They do however (somehow) become involved with a local tramp, who wanders around whitling things. Right at the end of the series they rescue the tramp from being hit by a car (and for some reason) immediately need to return to the future without the formula. Because the tramp is supposed to be dead, they take him with them. Once back in the future they get all mournful about how the mission failed and they’re all going to die.

Meanwhile the tramp notices that the perspex cube supercomputer isn’t level, and quickly whittles a wedge to correct the situation. The computer then announces “Hey, guess what! I wasn’t on a level surface so my calculations were off, the comet/asteroid/planet is going to miss us, hooray!” and everyone lives happily ever after.

The series ends with the boy genius and his girlfriend sitting on a pier back in the 1980s. She asks him what he’s carving into the wood, and he tells her it’s a formula to move planets. THE END.

It was a very weird show – everything was very grey and grim. Lots of melancholy shots of salt marsh and things. I remember a couple of other scenes, one of the future people ransacking the kid’s house (which in the future is a scheduled monument of some kind), and a couple of the time travellers sitting around at a party noting that all of the songs the locals are singing are about love. But that’s it.

So, what the hell was I watching? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Happy new year y’all! 😀

A Return to Nerdery

Who am I kidding, I love this stuff!

Did I mention that I bought myself a copy of Fantasy Flight’s Warhammer 40k role playing game Dark Heresy for Christmas? Well, I did. So there 😀

I have a habit of collecting RPGs that I have no intention of actually running. I just find it really interesting to compare the mechanics, and also enjoy reading all the background material. And the 40K background material is always worth a gander (for those unfamiliar with 40k, TV Tropes provides an excellent and highly entertaining summary).

Overall Dark Heresy is a class production. I have managed to find a few problems with it however. Firstly the Character Creation section is a little sloppy. I had to poke around a fair bit to discover how skills work (and hence how to select them for your character) and I’m still not 100% on how experience is used to increase rank –  a problem I’m sure will be resolved once I find where they’ve hidden the relevant explanation.

Secondly, the map of the Calixis sector is dodgy. The different planet types are mostly indicated with coloured dots, some of which are so similar that you need to look really closely to tell the difference. Other planets have weird protrusions, the meaning of which seem highly inconsistent (is Scintilla a prison planet? I can’t tell!). The map is so confusing in fact that I had to create my own version.

Finally there are no rules for abhumans. This is a minor quibble really as modern 40k has all but eliminated them (often via oddly convenient tyranid hive fleets) but it’d be nice to have the option. Happily this hole has been plugged by a number of fan created rulesets such as this one from Postmortem Studios, although I note it doesn’t include Beastmen.

So I decided to create rules for Beastmen. Here we go.

Beastmen

Beastmen are the most bestial and inhuman type of abhuman. Their bodies combine the features of both human and animal, usually being horned, hoofed, and very hairy. Beastmen are much more variable in form than other abhuman types. They are considered abhumans rather than ordinary mutants however, as individual Beastmen conform to a general physical and genetic standard and are no more prone to further mutation than normal humans.

Beastmen who have been introduced into the Imperial cult possess a simple but fierce devotion to the Emperor, regarding him as a vengeful god who demands tribute in the form of the blood of his enemies. They are driven by the need to atone for the sin of being mutants by fighting for the Emperor.

Beastmen only come from Feral Worlds and receive the following traits (rather than the standard Feral World traits),

Iron Stomach – as on Page 15 of Rulebook
Primitive – as on Page 15 of Rulebook
Heightened Senses – as per the talent on page 117 of Rulebook
Ill Omened – as on page 22 of Rulebook, with the -5 fellowship penalty applying to non-beastmen

Characteristic Base Feral
Weapon Skill 2d10+ 20
Ballistic Skill 2d10+ 20
Strength 2d10+ 20
Toughness 2d10+ 25
Agility 2d10+ 25
Intelligence 2d10+ 20
Perception 2d10+ 20
Willpower 2d10+ 20
Fellowship 2d10+ 10

Beastmen are limited to the following Dark Heresy career paths: Guardsman, Scum

Enjoy!

Sackcloth and Ashes

Sic Semper Arrogance

England has retained the Ashes. Good. The Australian cricket team are a bunch of arrogant bogans who need to lose more often so they can learn to deal with it in a mature fashion, rather than whinging, complaining and generally being extremely sore losers.

While we’re on the subject, can we hurry up and axe Shane Warne’s atrocious talk show already? Thanks.

The Scoliosis Bus

Making light of a serious medical condition.

Had a very enjoyable Boxing Day lunch at Rebecca and Dom’s yesterday. As is usual the postprandial conversation wandered all over the place, and happened to light upon a government funded bus that used to travel around from school to school testing children for signs of scoliosis. Our collective blood sugar levels being all over the place we found the concept of “the scoliosis bus” quite hilarious, and laughed like drains for a good five minutes.

Rebecca kindly gave me a lift home and on the short walk from her car to my apartment my brain insisted on whipping up a set of lyrics, which I now – shamefully – present to a candid world…

The Scoliosis Bus (to the tune of Jingle Bells)

A day or two ago, I thought I’d go to school,
And as I studied there, what vehicle up did pull?
The Nurse jumped out the bus, and measured up my spine,
She said “put on this truss and you will soon be feeling fine!”

Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!
Spinal cord! Spinal cord! Spinal chordate truss!
Oh what fun it is to ride in the Scoliosis Bus!

I am so, so sorry.

Running Low on Snake Oil

A victory for science!

Looks like sanity has finally asserted itself regarding that whole “Power Band” thing. I mean c’mon – a “hologram” encoded with a “frequency” that enhances your body’s “energy field”? Anyone with the slightest bit of scientific knowledge knew that the product was complete crap, but basic scientific knowledge seems to be in short supply these days. Thankfully the ACCC has stepped in and not just slapped them down, but ordered them to refund all the credulous idiots who purchased the damn things. Victory!

(I was actually fairly disappointed the other week when I noticed one of the cute girls down at the sandwich bar wearing a power band. Maybe she’ll wise up now.)

Christmas looks to be stupidly hot. Latest forecast is 38 degrees and there’s talk of unusual levels of humidity. Might as well be in Singapore damnit!

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