Airships and Blimps
Sea Lions and Seals
Galaxies and Universes
Hovercraft and Ground Effect Vehicles
Category: Stupidy (of Others)
Oh Hooray
So, the Senate repealed the Carbon Tax today.
Well, at least we’ll all be rich when the oceans rise, the crops fail and Queensland is overrun by Pacific Island refugees.
(Pro Tip: No, we won’t be rich)
The Trust Game
Just got an email from the FBI informing me that the FBI agents I’m (apparently) dealing with to obtain the money I’m (apparently) owed by the Nigerian Government as compensation for all the money I (apparently) lost to 419 scammers are fraudsters, and not the real FBI at all. Additionally the bank that these fraudulent agents are (apparently) dealing with on my behalf is not the actual Central Bank of Nigeria, and as such I should only deal with the Central Bank of Nigeria that these new, real FBI agents are (apparently) putting me in touch with.
I just don’t know who to trust anymore! ;D
Best. Put-Down. Ever.
One of the best put downs I’ve ever seen was on a message board I stumbled across many years ago…
Someone had taken it upon themselves to start a new thread by posting a lengthy and quite astonishing white supremacist screed. This consisted of some kind of KKK edited version of It’s a Wonderful Life in which a young idiot named Jimmy (or Timmy, or Heinrich or something) goes off to college and comes under the influence of an evil, atheistic, Jewish professor who convinces him that white people are the worst thing to ever happen to the world. On returning home for the holidays he gets into an argument with his white, God fearing, patriotic father and announces “I wish white people never existed!”
Conveniently for all racist didacts an Angel named Clancy appears and takes him on a tour of a world where white people never existed. This mostly consists of barren wastelands devoid of all civilisation because without the influence of white Europeans the rest of humanity are (apparently) unable to even come up with the idea of rubbing two sticks together. Jimmy makes numerous idiotic requests such as “Take me to a Holiday Inn” to which Clancy invariably replies “Without white people there are no Holiday Inns!”, prompting Jimmy to fall into a state of complete despair and request to be whipped off to some other part of the globe, where Clancy is conveniently able to inform him that Archeologists have “recently proved” that the Pyramids or the Great Wall of China or the local KFC were all built by white people. On the rare occasion when Jimmy and his companion manage to locate some semblance of civilisation, the locals are all bloodthirsty savages who try to cook and eat him, which causes him to fall deeper into despair and eventually see how foolish he was to wish away white people, and Clancy undoes the wish, returning him home.
Rather than put this experience down to eating some bad turkey, Jimmy proceeds to gorge himself on a vast meal that name checks every country in Europe, then heads back to his college and shows his classmates THE TRUTH by bawling out the evil, atheistic, Jew Professor who is corrupting the youth of America with his evil, atheistic, Jewish ideas (I don’t recall if the story mentioned it, but it’s highly likely that one of the Ravens of Odin flew into the room and shed a single tear while singing the Horst Wessel Lied).
Following this bizarre rant was a single post from one of the other members of the forum which I can still recall, word for word, all these years later…
So… did you copy that from somewhere, or did you just wake up this morning and think “I think I’ll go batshit insane today!”
Best. Put-down Ever.
Lovecraft World Redux
Long time readers may remember my post about Lovecraft World, the fictional Cthulhu Mythos theme park I did a TAFE assignment about way back in the heady days of the late 1990s. This was a theoretical amusement park that really tried to get into the spirit of Lovecraft’s oeuvre by killing, maiming and driving-into-insanity it’s patrons in the manner of a particularly bleak and bloodthirsty Disneyland where Mickey has fangs and tentacles.
Well, it turns out that Lovecraft world wasn’t entirely a product of my imagination, as it seems to have manifested itself in late 70’s New Jersey in the form of Action Park.
Attractions at Action park included…
- An Alpine slide cart ride with two speeds – abysmally slow and “death awaits”.
- A skateboard park so badly built that it was closed and filled in after one season.
- Go carts that were used as 80kmph bumper cars and gassed their riders into unconsciousness.
- Tanks that could shoot high velocity tennis balls at each other or, more often, park employees.
- Speedboats that raced around a snake infested pond at dangerous speeds.
- Bumper boats that raced around a second snake infested pond and randomly sprayed petrol over their pilots.
- A bungee cord slingshot ride that induced whiplash.
- An enclosed water slide that did a vertical loop, resulting in facial and back injuries and the occasional trapping of patrons.
- A wave pool so terrifying that people got injured just trying to get out of it.
- A whitewater ride with an electrified riverbed.
- A tarzan swing with water so cold that it caused paralysis and heart attacks.
- A raft ride that often dislocated and broke limbs.
- A second raft ride that took patrons through a pitch dark tunnel, lined with sharp rocks.
- A diving attraction that allowed patrons to plummet seven metres down onto unsuspecting swimmers.
- A ride where patrons were skimmed over a shallow, concrete lined pool at high speed. If they sat exactly right, and weren’t hit by other patrons.
- A skydiving simulator that severed nerves.
I am speechless. Abdul Alhazred would be proud!
Tyra Banks is the Mind Killer
I have a high tolerance for crap. I mean I listen to the Legendary Stardust Cowboy for entertainment. I would happily watch Manos: The Hands of Fate without the MST3K commentary. But man…
Recently I’ve been listening to a very entertaining new podcast on the subject of medical history named Sawbones. Hosted by Dr Sydnee McElroy and her husband Justin, each episode covers a medical misconception that killed and maimed tens of thousands of innocent people over hundreds of years. Given that biology, medicine, history and insane extremes of human behaviour are favourite subjects of mine, I actually already know upwards of 80% of what they discuss, but I enjoy their presentation and interaction and as such have become a dedicated listener.
Over the weekend I discovered that they used to do another podcast, a TV oriented show named Satellite Dish. I checked out a few episodes and quite enjoyed them, so I subscribed. But then… oh the horror!
The last three episodes of Satellite Dish consists of Sydnee explaining to Justin the plot of Tyra Banks’ novel Modelland. I listened to the first of these yesterday, and it damn near killed me.
I don’t mean I almost died laughing. I mean the sheer inanity/insanity of the plot made me feel physically ill. My brain went into some kind of infinite loop trying to reconcile the plot with some semblance of reality or common sense, and crashed. By the end of the episode I was on the verge of a migraine headache and had to have a lie down. TYRA BANKS KILLED MY BRAIN!
I have stared into the abyss and it defeated me. I now understand what people mean on Reddit when they reply with “This post gave me cancer”.
I have deleted parts two and three of the review from my computer and have no intention of ever listening to them. The rest of Satellite Dish I have no problem with – I’m listening to an episode right now – but the final three are forever verbotten. Tyra Banks is the mind killer, and I have no intention of letting her particular brand of insanity pass through me ever again. Yeesh!
500 XP for Dancing on the Table
Speaking as a veteran Dungeons and Dragons player and Dungeon Master, I can confirm that this is exactly what game sessions are like…
I can’t count the number of times I ordered my players to murder small children!
I’d like to get back into it, but I can’t find my sinister robe anywhere. Additionally the cost of candles these days is ridiculous.
No, She’s Not
Got this in my letterbox yesterday.
YESTERDAY
And no, it wasn’t posted, it was apparently hand delivered. Guess they needed to clear out their old stock real fast…
Prognostication
If the leadership spill goes ahead and Kevin Rudd becomes PM, Tony Abbott will spend the next week banging on about how the Labor party are an unorganised mess, can’t make up their minds, have a revolving door leadership and cannot be trusted with the future of the nation.
If the leadership spill doesn’t go ahead, or it does go ahead and Julia Gillard remains as PM, Tony Abbott will spend the next week banging on about how the Labor party are an unorganised mess, can’t make up their minds, have a dud for a leader and cannot be trusted with the future of the nation.
Whichever happens, the papers will agree with Tony Abbott, talkback radio will agree with the papers, and the vast unthinking mass of the voting public will agree with the talkback radio. This is what we – for some reason – label ‘the political process’.
Common Decency
Proof – if any were needed – that acting legally and acting decently are not necessarily the same thing.
Proof also – if any were needed – that being a minister of religion is no guarantee of being a decent human being.
