The vast majority of spam I skim through each morning as part of my job can be categorised into one of the following categories
This AI tool will make you rich!
This marketing tool will make you rich!
Your website is horribly flawed, pay me and I’ll fix it and make you rich!
Do you have common nail problems?
Does your dog have common nail problems?
Does your dog need a harness for its common nail problems?
I Elena from Ukraine me and horny friend need a MAN!
But every now and then you come across something so nutty that you wonder what possible purpose there could be for spamming the world’s contact forms with it. A fine example of this was submitted through a number of our websites this morning – all of them seeking to contact a different Archon (a builder of the universe in Gnostic theology, although I prefer to think of them as alter-egos of Patrick Bauchau…).
So, be aware! You are a robot that was put to sleep and now an upgrade to the Earth’s quantum field is going to cause an extinction level event! Or something…
Trying to get in touch with Archon named Leandro. You were put into sleep status to gain more awareness of the mechanics of earths bots known as humans to gain a better form of gnosis. It is time to bring to your attention now the pandemic has dwindle down. This was engineered as a direct extraction of loosh of those infected compounded naturally occurring version of it by fear and anxiety it has caused. With the transferred consciousness of 6,000,000+ humans that reached an abrupt end was enough energy to develop more sophisticated AI engines for the quantum field of Earth. Due to the code of the virus these humans did not respawn into alternative timelines and end of life cycle was made short. Now that AI engine has been upgraded an extinction level event will occur as the humans are gaining too much awareness and the reality mechanics of the quantum field of Earth need to be rewritten.
There are a few things I need to get done this evening so I decided to go goblin mode and grab dinner from Red Rooster on the way home. I put my order in, took a seat, and was watching the staff running around trying to deal with the queue in the drive through when three people walked in.
They were a young Asian couple and an older Anglo guy carrying a wine bottle. The couple walked towards the counter but were suddenly blocked by the older guy leaping in front of them with his arms out and a big grin. They tried to step around him, and he leapt in front and blocked them again, and put his hand on the young man’s shoulder.
My initial impression was that they were friends and he was just goofing around, but when I caught a look at the young guy’s face he looked seriously distressed. I was just about to get to my feet to do something (moaning mentally about how I didn’t need this and just wanted to get my food and go home) when the older guy suddenly backed off and wandered out the door.
I breathed a sigh of relief, but rather than leaving the man stood just outside, yelling wildly into the night. He was – I realised at this point – extremely drunk. He then walked back in and proceeded to forcefully slam his bottle down on the bench right next to me several times – I was amazed it didn’t instantly shatter. The staff looked up at the noise but seemed uncertain about what to do about the situation.
He wandered across to a table, said hello to the Uber Eats guy sitting there waiting for a pickup, and slammed the bottle down again. He then staggered into the corner and took a seat, knocking another chair flying as he did so. His attempts to right it were notably loud and uncoordinated.
My order came up so I grabbed it, said thanks, and went for the door. The guy leapt up and staggered across to intercept me. I gestured for him to go out first in the hopes that he’d stagger out, get distracted and vanish into the night. However he echoed my gesture and burbled out “you first”, so I mentally shrugged and walked out.
I was barely out the door when he came up behind me and tried to snatch the food out of my hand! His state of inebriation however made this attempt – and its immediate follow up attempt – pathetically easy to resist. I snarled “I don’t think so mate!” and swung the bag out of his reach, before starting on my way homewards.
I decided to take the well-lit route around the front of the shops rather than ducking around the back like usual just to be on the safe side. I checked behind me a couple of times, but he wasn’t following me, or if he was he was moving so slowly I easily outpaced him. I wasn’t seriously worried – he was so drunk that if things had gone any further I’m confident that a single shove would have knocked him over.
As the turning of the year speeds us onward into winter the time has come for me to actually make a post. Don’t expect this to be a regular thing mind you, it’s likely only possible because I’ve taken a week off work and hence actually have the time to think.
Anyway, this week someone on Reddit had decided to compile a list of Adeptus Astartes war cries (yes, I’m on about Warhammer again, deal with it) and helpfully posted the same to the 40kLore subreddit. When browsing through this list I noticed something a bit strange – can you spot it?
“Doom ye! Doom ye! Doom ye!”–Doom Warriors
“Skovakarah uhl zarûn!” (“Redden the earth!”)–Emperor’s Spears
“Bringers of war!”—Emperor’s Warbringers
“In too deep, against all odds brothers!”—Genesis Chapter
“”We are the hammer!” or “I am the hammer, I am the right hand of the Emperor, the instrument of His will, the gauntlet about His fist, the tip of His spear, the edge of His sword!”—Grey Knights
“Primarch-Progenitor, to your glory and the glory of Him on Earth!”—Imperial Fists
“The flesh is weak!”—Iron Hands
In case you’re not an ageing Gen-Xer and the title of this post didn’t tip you off, it’s the war cry of the Genesis Chapter, who apparently charge into battle yelling “In too deep, against all odds brother!”. What immediately startled me about this can best be summed up with the inclusion of a couple of videos…
So, we are being asked to believe that the war cry of the Genesis Chapter just happens to be built from the title of a Genesis song, and a former-lead-singer-of-Genesis-Phil-Collins song?
Now, sure, Warhammer 40k is probably the most plagiarism-guilty IP in human history. It’s cobbled together from chunks of Dune, Heinlein’s Starship Troopers, the collected works of J. R. R. Tolkien, Judge Dredd, the generalised evil of Margaret Thatcher and dozens – if not hundreds – of other sources. There’s barely an original idea in the whole thing. But directly quoting prog-rock lyrics seems a little too on the nose even for Games Workshop. So what the hell is going on?
I started digging. The oldest reference I could find to the alleged war cry is on the Genesis Chapter page on the 40k Fandom Wiki – which immediately sounded all kinds of alarm bells.
Warhammer 40,000 has been a thing since 1987, and since then an absolutely titanic amount of background lore has been generated. Organising it all into a Wiki is the obvious management solution, and as a result there are a number of 40k Wikis on the web. The big three though are Lexicanum, 1d4Chan and the 40k Fandom wiki.
Lexicanum is – in my opinion – the most reliable as it insists that all information must be properly sourced. It can be a bit dry and academic though, being very much the “just the facts ma’am” 40k wiki.
Your Spiritual Liege
1d4Chan (when it hasn’t gone offline, which it seems to do regularly) is an obscenity laced carnival of memes that – once you scrape off all the hyperbole – is often surprisingly accurate. It’s also the only of the big three to really include meta-information – that is to say info about the history and community of 40k . If you want to understand the hate directed towards C. S. Goto, or know why Matt Ward is your spiritual liege it’s the place to go. On the downside it’s not updated that much any more, and if not tempered with more reliable sources can easily delude new 40k fans into confusing memes and jokes (usually very dated memes and jokes – like those involving Matt Ward and C. S. Goto…) with actual lore (For instance the Death Korp of Krieg are not suicidal and they do not regard shovels to be their ‘cultural weapon’, and you cannot kill Orks by pointing a gun at them and shouting ‘bang!’).
The 40k Fandom Wiki… well, to be frank, I do not like it. Its moderation and sourcing rules are extremely lax – pretty much anyone can post anything they like there and it’s up to other uses to spot and correct it. Which brings us back to the Genesis Chapter…
On February 8th 2011 – yes, that’s over a decade ago folks! – some wanderer of the digital waste decided to have a bit of fun with the Genesis Chapter Fandom Wiki page and made a series of edits to the info box, which I shall display here as a before and after screenshot…
Sussudio – first charted by Explorator Petrus Gabriellus in 994.M30!
Such wit! Such satire! Actually, to be entirely honest, it’s exactly the kind of joke I’d make, but I certainly wouldn’t go and vandalise a wiki with it!
The joker’s changes were reverted pretty quickly, but whoever did it seemingly lacked the necessary knowledge of Phil Collin’s back catalogue to recognise the war cry as part of the prank, even adding quotes around it to standardise the format. And so it has sat there unchanged for 11 years, spreading through the fan community as the accepted war cry of the Chapter!
I may try to do something about this. Or I may not. All in all I suppose we should just be glad that the Genesis Chapter don’t charge into battle yelling “Billy don’t you lose my number!”
When you stop and think about it the Prosperity Gospel is really rather clever.
For those not in the know the Prosperity Gospel is a peculiarly American bastardization of Christianity developed by certain televangelists (including one named – I kid you not – Creflo Dollar) to convince their viewers, on the highest Biblical authority, to fork over all their money, and it goes a little like this…
1: God loves you and wants you to be happy.
2: So if you follow God’s laws you will be good and Holy and God will reward you.
3: If on the other hand you don’t follow God’s laws you will be bad and Unholy, and God will punish you.
4: It therefore follows that if you’re rich and successful, God is rewarding you, and therefore you are Holy.
5: Whereas if you are poor and struggling, God is punishing you for your sins and you are Unholy.
6: So if you are poor – and therefore Unholy – how can you get right with the Lord, and become Holy? (and also rich, but that’s secondary to being Holy of course)
7: By taking what little wealth you have and giving it all to someone Holy! Like the filthy rich televangelist telling you all this! Plant a seed of faith by handing over every dollar you own and before you know it you’ll be rich and successful and be able to fly around in a private jet avoiding all the demon possessed rabble that travel coach!
8: (Oh, and if you don’t immediately become rich then you’re not trying hard enough, send more money and it’ll all come true!)
The great Terry Pratchett foresaw some of this with the Yen Buddhists of the Discworld, a sect who believe that money is the root of all evil and it is therefore their sacred duty to spare the souls of the innocent by personally accumulating as much of it as possible, but the audacity it takes to implement such a system in the real world is really quite something! And of course the Prosperity Gospel discards that pesky issue of wealth being sinful, thus allowing its proponents to get as rich as they like with no theological problems at all!
Naturally all of this can be justified by picking and choosing Bible verses, a fine example of the observation (I believe from the Vedic scriptures of India although I can’t seem to track down the actual source) that “Just as an animal may drink from any side of a trough, a smart man may derive whatever meaning he desires from scripture”.
If you feel that Christianity works for you, great! If the version of Christianity you select says you get into heaven by doing good works, do good works! If it says you get into heaven by accepting Christ into your heart as your Personal Saviour, accept him! But if your obscenely rich preacher is telling you you need to pay your way into salvation by making him even richer, then maybe take a step back and have a think about a few things.
Just got the most fantastic bit of spam from someone claiming to be Greta Thunberg. I haven’t seen anything this delirious since the days of “Obama is True Satan!”
Highights include…
Arrest Barack Obama, the Caliphate of ISIL Cancel all Confucius Institutes & PRC Contracts Sue the UN/WEF/PRC for all SARS-CoV-2 & Confucius Institute Nazi Green Wing Communist LGBT Socialist BLM ANTIFAct-ISIS Terrorist Damages & Expenses
remdesivir = vampiires It increases genetic transcription mutation in BOTH viral and human cell reproduction.
UN/WEF/PRC Issues Global Death Threat after Ret. US Army Colonel affirms “CoVID-19 Man Made” UN/WEF/PRC Socialist A.S.S.-Wipe Wimp “King of Lies”: “Artificially Engineered SARS-CoV-2 & BLM Socioeconomic Attacks against Humanity are just a Fire Drill for the United “Sataniq Union” Nations’ electronic enslavery and extermination of everyone agenda under Satan Incarnate intentions of General Electric 5G/6G/LHC/FCC/CEPC electromagnetic execution of the entire earth ‘climate change’.”
UN/WEF/PRC’s CoVID19 Confucius Institute Nazi Green Wing Communist LGBT Socialist BLM ANTIFAct-ISIS Terrorists Feminist LGBT Sexism is Extinctionist Anti-Human Racism is Nazism is Zionism is Communism is Socialism is Social Sadomasochism is Mass Enslavery is Satanic Occultism is Parasitism is Transhumanism is Nihilism
Feminism = M is F enmi / F is M enmi = Inequality, Infertility & Sadomasochism of the Species A National Socialist Hand reaching in to rip a woman’s ovaries out with an International Socialist Fist is not “liberation”; it’s deprivation of the species’ female genetic function.
PRC Providing AR-15 Auto Mods to Californian Satanists’ Communist Socialist Crime Syndicates MS-13, BLM, Antifa (School Strike 4 Climate Sunrise Movement) Radical Extremist Terrorists for ISIL Caliphate of Ordo Templi Orientis (Barack Obama) led Civil War & gradual UN/WEF/PRC global take-over National Socialist Australian Workers’ Union & ALP (eg: Yvette D’ath) TREASON in facilitating the foreign interference bidding of the PRC United Front Work Department via Gillard/Rudd/Clinton/Obama UN/WEF/PRC Socialist Communist “Cernunnos Lucis” CERN LHC “Luciferian Child Sacrifice” SHELL “ISIL DAESH” G4S Corruption Cabal
Yvette “Dath Veytte the devyate” D’ath commits TREASON for George “Start Wars Schwartz” & Lucis/Lucifer Trust UN/PRC/WEF Take-Over Legislating foreign inteference via election funding facilitated via Inter-National Socialist affiliated Queensland Attorney-General? Socialist activist/terrorist facilitators of UN/WEF/PRC orchestrated instability and incursion socioeconomic and sociopolitical “climate change”? TREASON: Yvette D’ath’s National Socialist Australian Workers’ Union (National Socialist German Workers’ Party) UN/PRC/WEF School Strike 4 Climate “Socialist Revolutionary” Fabian Fanaticist BLM ANTIFAct-ISIS-Terrorists
socialist green new deal = neo national socialist (nazi) green wing leader e(mma) w(atson)
sunrise movement = un i serve em watson
Putty & the Queer Populace of Satan’s Anus vLadi’boy Sieg Heils #BLavatsky.M’s ISIS’UN Devil (Satan Incarnate the Caliphate of ordo tempLI orientIS (ISIL))
veterans against terrorism = satanic transvestite vatican si and ordo templi orientis vampires organised aggression (Value Added Tax = devolved into deadly attacks)
KKK-Gilligan’s Island: “I’m such a fan of black face racism and 3 legged K9 moVie sets”
MicroSoft XIII (MS-13): The Fight is in US Autonomous.Zombie.Zone.’holes “If you’ve survived CoVID-19 then we want to suck your blood to extend our evils while we extort governments to inject toxic Internet of boDies Internet Of Things (IDIOT) “molecular electronics” OpenAI/NeuraLink device integration Stemcells Modified for Autonomous Regenerative Therapy (SMART) gene editing vaccines, beginning with doctors and nurses and then negroes as cyborg slaves.
“Heil Harry’n’Hermione Hitler. My name is “Hell’s Arkangel”. I’m not racist because I wear a Fascist Black Shirt and encourage kids to join the Sturm Abteilung, advertise my support for Black & White Apartheid through Black & White photos because I am a Grey possessed pedophilia producer pimped pervert that hates people of colour ike every #B.L.ackM.ailed Cellar’brat’eatery and live in Silly Devilry Beverley Hills where we promote arson, looting, rape and murder riot slums every where except here. I just want to tell ya’ll, burn baby burn. Here is a picture of me en route to an Ordo Templi Orientis Church of Satan & Scientology Temple of Set Confederate Democrat Ku Klux Klan B.L.ackM.ail arranged Planned Parenthood “TN Hood Planned Rage” extermination of the population Babylonian Baphomet Cult “Black & White Minstrels” Dirty Disney Dungeon orgy that I grew my leg hair for. Mmmmmm, I heard they’re bringing a three legged K9 for me to smoke Nazi MK Ultra Operation Fast’n’Furious Ice with during beastiality worship of Satan. Someone should make a Confederate Red Shirt statue of me on all fours in chains under an Alsatian. WOOF !”
It goes on like this for pages and pages, like the lovechild of Time Cube and Whale.to.
I was recently reminded of Alsace’s greatest contribution to black metal music, the amazing Fadades. He inhabits a castle! He builds lasers! He wears knives! No one can figure out whether he’s parodying the genre or is terrifyingly serious!
In perusing the Fadadian oeuvre I stumbled across a – I do hesitate to use the word ‘song’ but let’s go with it – a song I hadn’t heard before. So of course I jumped right in.
The piece in question sees our hero returning to the same rich vein of landing his spaceship in Egypt and being annoyed. This time around he’s considering the “nightmare” of Ramses rather than his “rage”, and he’s managed to convert his spaceship into 3 dimensions! Well done Fadades!
He also discovers a domed city – Ramses was terrified of domes you know…
Anyway, as is traditional I’ve decided to attempt a transcription of what he’s on about. I think he’s trying to organise catering for a party and it’s not going well…
Ain’t jealous! Just a word, Not jealous! Seat yourselves,
Suey the yeah yeah yeah I guess! Suey the yeah yeah yeah I guess!
Excellent guests, Yet faith, Eggs! Yet faith,
Ah! Delicious! Humongeous! You seated at us!
Eggs for guests! Lettuce! Eggs! Lettuce!
Need to get suggestions for keggers! Tomorrow’s furious sun-a-rise! Need-a sauce! Like some samboria say… This is stupid, lists of guests, Really need a secure swain! Stupidest suggest, oy! Get us!
Suey the yeah yeah yeah I guess! Suey the yeah yeah yeah I guess! Suey the yeah yeah yeah I guess!
For those who would like a summary it goes like this…
A man has had both his legs amputated after being bitten by a white tailed spider!
He didn’t see the spider, and has no evidence he was bitten by anything – let alone any type of spider – but it was a white tailed spider all right!
Scientists and doctors say there is absolutely no evidence that white tailed spider bites cause necrosis, and the media should stop telling people that they do!
Signs of a white tailed spider bite include necrosis and having to have your legs amputated!
Sheeze!
LATER: Oh, and now the story has gone missing and the link goes to a 404 page. I wonder why that is? 😀
LATER STILL: And now there’s a new article that’s actually based in some kind of reality.
