Disordered Thoughts and Curmudgeonly Ramblings
I’m in a moat?
I’m on a goat m**********r take a look at me!
Straight riding on a goat, that’s spelt g-o-a-t!
You know it’s real ’cause my ride is chewing on my coat!
You can’t stop me m**********r ’cause I’m on a goat!
I’m on a goat and, it’s going fast and,
It ate my nautical themed pashmina afghan!
I can’t write any more of this god-damned drivel! Good night!! ;D
There are only so many things that rhyme with “train”
London. 1850. Three gentlemen sit in their club, reading the Times. As Lord Wallace turns the page, a small piece of paper falls into his lap.
Lord Wallace: By jove! A train ticket for three! Now, who shall accompany me?
His companions look hopeful.
Lord Wallace: Sir George!
Sir George: Yes!
Lord Wallace: And…..
Lord Peters smiles expectantly
Lord Wallace: Isambard Kingdom Brunel!
Pan to Isambard Kingdom Brunel who is leaning nonchalantly against the wall wearing a stovepipe hat and smoking a large cigar. He removes the cigar momentarily
Brunel: Most agreeable.
Cut to a Steam Train as the music begins…
Indeed!
Have your tickets ready for we’re about to depart!
Every gentleman assemble on the platform!
And be sure to stay on your toes
We’re steaming up! Let us go!
I’m on a train!
I’m on a train!
Everybody look at me for I’m riding on a train!
I’m on a train!
I’m on a train!
Take a good hard look at the most impressive train!
I’m on a train you blighter listen to my tale!
Straight riding on a train on an iron rail,
Twenty miles to the hour messing with my brain,
You can’t stop me you bounder for I’m on a train!
Make a sketch quick, I’m on a train kick,
We’re drinking workers’ ale because it’s so thick,
I’ve got my timetable, for I’m railway savvy,
While you’re sailing the canals like a common navvy,
I’m stoking the engine, shovelling coal supplies,
The stack is smoking, throwing ash in everyone’s eyes,
But no one minds sir, for this is fast as it gets,
I’m on a train sir, don’t you ever forget!
I’m on a train sir! It’s going fast sir!
The economic potential of this is vast sir!
I’m racing along just like Stephenson’s Rocket,
With a wad of Great Western shares riding in my pocket!
Pay attention now! For this train is real!
No barge! I’m on a train you dirty bounder!
No horse! I ride rails you dirty bounder!
I’m on the engine with my fellows, dirty bounder!
This engine sounds like a bellows, dirty bounder!
Yes sir! If you could see me now!
My arms spread wide like a captured cow,
Going to take this train to France somehow,
Why not a tunnel? Anything is possible!
Brunel:
Never thought I’d be on a train,
The horsepower of this engine’s insane,
James Watt, take a look at me,
Never thought I’d see the day,
When a big train was steaming my way,
Believe me when I say, these tracks are broad-gauge!
I’m on a train!
I’m on a train!
Everybody look at me for I’m riding on a train!
I’m on a train!
I’m on a train!
Take a good hard look at the most impressive train!
Clench!
I always thought it would be amusing to draw a picture of Thomas Covenant jumping wildly up and down in baggy pants with brightly dyed hair, waving glowsticks in the air, while a confused and frighted Lord of Revelstone asks “Lord Covenant, do you rave?!”
C’mon! It’s as least as funny as Clench Racing!
Exceed these values with extreme caution.
Just stepped out of the office to get some lunch. Temperature 18 degrees. Relative humidity 94%. Wind 5 knots, gusting to 8. Cloud cover 100%.
I’ve decided that these are my body’s recommended operating parameters. It’s great out there!
Only in Kenya
Denys’s First Law: Camels are often larger than you think.
Denys’s Second Law: Elephants are often smaller that you think.
There are limits to what you can do with Higgins.
Exciting news from the world of linguistics. Apparently speakers of Koro have finally been located in (of all places) India!
Koro of course is one of the Moundsbar languages, as extensively researched by Metalleus. To quote from his classic essay Moundsbar Connections.
Turning to Moundsbar, there are at least three languages related to it, Aro, Sorno and Koro. Aro is spoken by a few hundred souls in an enclave in the “Fan” district of Richmond, Virginia; Sorno has been extinct since the third century but was spoken on Guam and Saipan in the last years of the Roman Empire, though you would never know it from Roman history; no speakers of Koro have been located but a Koro language must be hypothesized to account for certain telegrams received through the years by the Moundsbarians which they were unable to read.
It now appears that these telegrams were sent from the East Kameng district of Arunchal Pradesh in India. Take that Higgins!
As the great Metalleus himself once said, in these seas of ignorance, science splashes on.
Some people don’t smell like they should
AFL ‘Superstar’ Gary Ablett Jr announced today that he’s leaving the Geelong Cats and moving to the Gold Coast Suns.
The movement of AFL players between teams is something that would normally rate on my interest radar somewhere below the antics of the fleas on Paris Hilton’s chihuahua, but I’m feigning an interest this time because it’s a great excuse to pull out a reference to a strange and obscure song by the strange and obscure (and probably defunct) Perth band O!, which goes by the name of Free Range Ablett.
It goes a little something like this…
Some people smell good!
Some people don’t smell like they should,
Some people smell like a free range Ablett…
Free Range! Free Range ababababa abababa,
Ababababa abababa,
And his faithful companion the…
Egg roll, Egg roll,
Free Range! Ababababa abababa,
Gary-gary-gray-gary-gary-gary Ablett!
And his faithful companion the…
Egg roll, Egg roll,
(Those lyrics may not be 100% accurate, and the song’s actually about his dad, but hey, let’s not let that ruin the fun :))
Theological rumblings from 1996
(From the far off days of 1996)
Art thou aware of ye great conspiracy? That god is in fact black? this startling fact was revealed to an awaiting humanity in 1500 AD but has been covered up by white church ministers ever since. Also revealed in the same interview was the meaning of life, the value of 1 divided by 0 and the awful truth behind the legend of the boogy man. The interview took place on July 5th 1500 in the small German town of Holzfaller. God descended in his custom built ’39 fuel injected with triple overhead cams pillar of fire and spoke with Martin Luther for about 10 minutes. The content of the interview was published, but was quickly destroyed by the church. Only a few partial copies survive. An extract of one of these follows.
ML: Now we’re speaking with God. Thanks for coming God.
G: It’s great to be here Martin.
ML: So what metaphysical truths do you have to reveal to our viewers today?
G: Well I thought I’d reveal the ultimate meaning of life.
ML: Well I’m sure our viewers will be interested in that, but before you do I’d like to take the opportunity to complement you on that suit.
G: Thanks Martin, I got it cheap at a little clothing store in Guatemala. It’s real Andean Wool you know.
ML: Really?
G: And the design is by Armani.
ML: Well, God sure is a sharp dresser. We’ll be back after these messages, when God will reveal the ultimate meaning of the universe.
The rest of the text was expurgated in 1605 by Dr John Dee, Court Astrologer to Queen Elizabeth the First. Some of it is rumoured to have been included in “As you like it” by Shakespeare, but this is doubtful.
There’s nothing more boring than reading about other people’s dreams.
As is fairly normal when sleeping I had a dream last night. It was the usual incoherent mess that my dreams generally are, involving a 25th birthday party, cows, a storm, a magic book, people possessed by the spirits of ancient wizards and several episodes of Doctor Who. But it also featured a song.
In context of the dream it was by Sparklehorse, but on waking with it still in my memory it sounded a lot more like Everclear. I was able to remember one verse of it, which goes as follows…
Is it a forest in a wood? A burnt out bedroom mansion?
Is it a played out picture show? Is it a happy ending?
I have no idea what that could possibly mean, but it’s easily as good as anything Nik Kershaw ever wrote đŸ˜‰
It all makes sense!
Dinosaurs are asteroid magnets. We once had dinosaurs all over the planet – what happened? Boom! Asteroid. Go to any museum today – where we keep the dinosaur skeletons – and what do you see? Meteorites. It all makes sense!
On another subject my work colleague Bruce solved all my commitment issues this morning. Unfortunately the issues in question were merely in TortoiseSVN.
