Silliness and Randomness – Page 16

More of this Rubbish…

There are a lot of mysteries in the 40k universe. Exactly who is the Emperor? How tall is an Imperator Titan? Who would win if Ursakar E. Creed played chess against Eldrad Farseer? Exactly what is a true Hufflepuff anyway? But there is one riddle that out-puzzles all of these combined. How do you pronounce Roboute Guilliman?

This a mystery that has tormented the 40k fandom ever since those long ago days when we first learnt of the Primarchs. But today, I can provide you with an answer. Behold! How to Pronounce Roboute Guilliman.

I trust that answers all of your questions.

If you still can’t get enough hot Primarch action, you might like to check out this infographic that I whipped up over the weekend…

All the basic info on the Emperor’s twenty genetically-engineered supermen in one handy location!

That’s it. Gotta go do the washing up now.

PS: Techno-Viking, shorter than you think but larger than you imagine, Eldrad until he realises his rooks have been replaced with Baneblades, what the hell is a Hufflepuff!?

Ursarkar E. Creed’s Favourite Song

Kell on the other hand can’t stand it…

(With profound apologies to Pig with the Face of a Boy)

I had a little stormbolter,
He was my only friend,
I took him to the holoshow,
And loved him ’till the end,

I had a little barking toad,
On my windowsill,
And he ate all the flies,
That came in my room,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Or I’ll have to cut your head off, with a blunt chainsword,

I had a little plasma gun, I shot it at a Tau,
I fired off six shots and I burnt my hand on the grip,
I stole a Sister’s laud-hailer and used it to do this,
CREEEEEEED!!!
But then a Necron broke it so I damaged all his face,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Or I’ll have to wipe the remnants of your insides off my face,

Please don’t tread on my little barking toad,
He’s my only, only friend in the whole wide world,
He was little, and green, and he kept me free from flies,
Until someone trod on him, and he exploded, destroying everything for a radius of approximately one kilometre,
And it was very, very sad,

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
How would you like it if I stole your cogigtator?
And I gave it to an Eldar in exchange for spirit stones?

Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
He’s my only friend in the whole wide world,
Please don’t tread on my stormbolter,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha! ha! ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
Ha! ha! ha ha ha!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA,
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh,

Good!

THE WILL OF THE GODS

You could turn up and ambush me I suppose. Please don’t 😀

Catching up with the guys this weekend at that Brazilian barbeque place. Naturally I could not send out the details in any normal fashion, no…

REJOICE AND BE GLAD ALL YE PEOPLES OF THE MEATOSPHERE!
FOR THE DATE AND TIME ARE SET FOR THE FESTIVAL OF MEAT!
YE WHO EAT OF FLESH ARE SUMMONED TO A TABLE FOR FOUR
IN THE HOUSE OF LAPA IN THE GOODLY STEAD OF SUBIACO
ON THE DAY OF SATURN, TWENTY-EIGHTH DAY THIS APRIL
AT SEVEN AND ONE HALF OF THE EVENING CLOCK
MEAT SHALL BE EATEN, FLESH SHALL BE CONSUMED AND LAXATIVES SHALL BE REQUIRED!
FOR SUCH IS THE WILL OF THE GODS!
(OR AT LEAST THAT OF THE PEOPLE WHO MOST LIKE MEAT)
OM NOM NOM! SO SAY WE ALL, OM NOM NOM!
MEAT!!

😀

Or Maybe They Just Employ Merlin?

Saw a sign for a building company today – Stonehenge Constructions.

So, they build everything out of rocks, keep changing the plans and take hundreds of years to finish the job?

😉

Mortal: The Screwed

Just had an idea for a new White Wolf role playing game where you play an ordinary human in the World of Darkness setting – Mortal: The Screwed.

The players start by creating characters with skills, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, motivations and highly detailed histories. Once everyone has created their character, they roll 2d6 on the following table…

2 – You are killed by a Vampire. Roll up a new character.
3 – You are killed by a Werewolf. Roll up a new character.
4 – You are killed by a Promethean. Roll up a new character.
5 – You are killed by a Hunter, who mistakes you for a Vampire. Roll up a new character.
6 – You are killed by a Mage. Roll up a new character.
7 – You are killed by a Changeling. Roll up a new character.
8 – You are killed by a Mummy. Roll up a new character.
9 – You are killed by a Demon. Roll up a new character.
10 – You are killed by a Kuei-jin. Roll up a new character.
11- You are killed by a Wraith. Roll up a new character.
12 – You are hit by a truck. Roll up a new character.

Hours of fun for everyone! 😀

(Yes, I know you can play as a mortal in the New World of Darkness, but I’m a traditionalist! ;))

A Simple Soul Amused by Simple Things

Nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan

Got a new pair of headphones at work today, as my old ones were on the verge of completely dying.

The very first thing I listened to with them? This.

Do it Yourself Mystical Experience in 15 Minutes or Less

Got no time for genuine spiritual experiences in this hectic, fast paced, modern world? Well just follow these simple steps for a quick, mystical experience!

1: Half fill a wok with water and place on stove top
2: Turn on the stove and heat the water to point where streams of bubbles are rising
3: Gently stir the water so that the streams of bubbles are set spinning and roiling
4: Put on Sting’s Desert Rose
5: Contemplate the spinning, rising bubbles while listening to Sting do his thing

You should now experience something akin to genuine mystical transcendence! (Be careful not to fall into such a trance-like state as to submerge your face in the water. That would be bad. Very bad).

So much easier than, I dunno, getting involved in an actual religion or philosophy or something…

On Poetry

If limericks are what you pencil
A sense of scansion is essential
I have to confess
I cheat on the stress
But my meter at least is prudential

Me China Mel Dancin’

My good friend Mel is dancing…

Doo-doo-doo-doo,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah-eah,

Yemen and his Igor photo me,
I’m on the phone, yous can each foresee,
Cool me down,
Rinse a mouse in front of me,
(front of me)
So that’s the way I felt then wa-ah-ah,
So we can eat a Hilton, la la la,
You’re so mean,
See there the melody,

Oh-wow-o-wow-ow,

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,

Me I’m flocking home giving up for stoats,
As I’m coming down I slip the ropes,
Cool me down,
The TARDIS taking over yeah,
(oh-wow-ow-wow-ow)
So that’s the way I felt then, wa-ah-ah,
So we can eat a Hilton, la-la-la,
You’re so mean,
See there the melody,

So come on,
Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow,
Oo-oo-oo-wow-o-wow-ow-ow,

So come on,
Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

Dance on the oars,
Cat fight in a handbag,
Yours, only yours,
A walrus tickle dance bed,
It’s no lie,
Lisa in the crown said,
Meh, anyhow,
Me china Mel dancin’

What Rough Beast?

All I can hear out the window is the sound of angle grinders.

FADADES is coming to get me!!