Silliness and Randomness – Page 13

This Cannot be Borne!

The minimum temperature last night was 27.7 degrees. I think we can all agree that this is ridiculous and something should be done.

I suggest sending a fleet of tugs down to Antarctica to snap off a bit of ice shelf and tow it back here. We can then hack chunks off of it and helicopter them up into the hills. The easterlies will turn nice and cool, and the runoff will go straight into the dams. It’s a win-win situation!

Get onto it Premier! I command you!

With Apologies to Mitchell and Webb…

Thorin and Company are trapped at the top of a bunch of burning pine trees, surrounded by Goblins and Wargs…

Thorin Oakenshield: Right! This is a bad situation, but I have a plan! On my word, everyone leap down, weapons drawn, on the nearest warg. Go for the throats first, then turn your axes on the goblins. Not all of us will make it, but we’ll make a damn good accounting for ourselves!

Gandalf: Yes… yes… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?

Thorin Oakenshield: ……ok.

Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!

Gandalf and Legolas have been trapped on the highest pinnacle of Orthanc by Saruman the white wizard…

Legolas: Alright! We’ll wait until the next time Saruman comes up to gloat at us. I’ll climb up on the statuary and loose a rain of arrows upon him, while you blind him with a sorcerous flash. Then we’ll take the stairs and fight our way down, grabbing the palantir on the way out!

Gandalf: Yes… very good… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?

Legolas: ……ok.

Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!

The army of Gondor stands before the Black Gate. The forces of Sauron are in disarray, the ground shakes and ash falls from the sky as the One Ring is consumed in the fires of Orodruin…

Aragorn: The Ringbearer has completed his quest! The power of Sauron is broken forever! Assemble the most skilled riders and the fastest horses – if there is any hope that Frodo and Sam yet survive, we must ride for Mount Doom with haste!

Gandalf: That would work… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to fly to the mountain and rescue them..?

Aragorn: ……ok.

Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!

(Saw The Hobbit last night. I’ll post my thoughts later but in the meantime I couldn’t get this ridiculous parody out of my head :))

One of these things is not like the others – Redux

As my trivia challenge from last week seems to have stunned everyone into silence, the time is probably right to provide the answers…

* During the cold war, the United States deployed nuclear-warhead tipped bazookas.

TRUE! It was called the Davy Crockett, and was one of many insane weapon systems designed to defend the Fulda Gap.

* While Governor of California, Ronald Reagan launched a dressmaker’s dummy into orbit.

FALSE! This was however a plot line from the short lived Brother Power the Geek.

* Pope John Paul II was a member of the Harlem Globetrotters.

TRUE! The Globetrotters hand out honorary memberships to all kinds of people, including the late Pontiff.

* Alfred Hitchcock had no navel.

TRUE! Hitchcock was, of course, born with one, but by the time of his death he’d had so much abdominal surgery that it had completely gone missing.

That’s it! Go make your own entertainment!

One of these things is not like the others

Can you pick which one of the following wacky facts is not true?

* During the cold war, the United States deployed nuclear-warhead tipped bazookas.
* While Governor of California, Ronald Reagan launched a dressmaker’s dummy into orbit.
* Pope John Paul II was a member of the Harlem Globetrotters.
* Alfred Hitchcock had no navel.

I’ll reveal the truth…. later on…

The Wyrmworld Personality Test: 2012

With the end of the year fast approaching, it’s time to take stock and consider what one has accomplished over the last twelve months. To assist in this endeavour, Wyrmworld is proud to present our Personality Test for 2012!

Simply select the most suitable answer from the following questions, and calculate your score as indicated. Let’s go!

Question 1: When were you born?
A: Pre-1982
B: June 1987
C: Post-1989
D: I am old as time itself

Question 2: Which utility has the highest value on the standard monopoly board?
A: The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory
B: The Silvertown Munitions Factory
C: The Union Carbide Plant
D: The SS Richard Montgomery

Question 3: While enjoying some night fishing you are kidnapped by a rather disturbing merman. He agrees to let you go free, but only if you write a song that pleases him. What subject do you compose your song about?
A: A horse
B: A lovely horse
C: A horse that can’t remember it’s name
D: A lovely horse that can’t remember anyone’s name

Question 4: What is your favourite species of Mustela?
A: Mustela kathiah
B: Mustela strigidorsa
C: Mustela macrodon
D: Mustela altaica

Question 5: You are a 12th century peasant. One night, a hideous apparition of Death manifests in your hovel. How do you react?
A: Dance a merry jig
B: Offer it a foaming mug of ale
C: Point solemnly out the door
D: Play a Black Lotus combo

Question 6: You are a prosperous 17th century merchant. One night, a hideous apparition of Death manifests in your manor house. How do you react?
A: Dance a merry jig
B: Offer it a foaming mug of ale
C: Point solemnly out the door
D: Play a Black Lotus combo

Question 7: Death is impressed by your resourcefulness, and grants you a choice in your manner of passing. How do you choose to die?
A: Of fright during an exercise of the trained bands
B: Of Lady B____’s Cordial Water
C: Of the Merryandrew
D: Of October

Question 8: This cap do they hart of don Belly ease voutry-sidhe an axe implore?
A: Taque on sir sounding chew off non-split royal Belly
B: Nor of true perfect, treat a calf our volk down hull
C: Joonie downs a bath bowdlering wish pontoony fore!
D: Tre papilion as four treks lucid yous by dour ease diets

Question 9: If a fork-tailed doctor-killer leaves Albuquerque at 10:04am traveling west at a speed of 140 miles per hour, and a gliding electric show leaves Toad Suck at 10:14am heading south at full throttle, will their paths cross before observation of the green ray?
A: Yes
B: No
C: It’s entirely likely but depends on wind conditions
D: Trick question – there’s no such thing as a flying gas station

Question 10: Are you still reading this?
A: Yes
B: No
C: I gave up at hart of don Belly ease voutry-sidhe
D: Reading what?

Calculating Your Results: For every question you answered with A, score 1 point. For every question you answered with B, score 1.3 points. For every question you answered with C, subtract 0.2 points. For every question you answered with D, score 12.25 points. Add up your total score, derive its square root, then combine the second, fourth and sixth digits after the decimal point. This is your final score. Write it down and place it somewhere secure. Do not share it with anyone! When the time is right, we will make contact.