Disordered Thoughts and Curmudgeonly Ramblings
In the Isles of Japan,
There’s a place called Tokyo,
That’s where we wanna go,
To get away from it all…
Bodies in their pods,
Temples to the Shinto Gods,
We’ll be falling in love,
To the rhythm of a taiko drum,
Way down in Tokyo…
Matsudo, Machida
Oo I wanna see ya!
Yao, Yokahama
C’mon pretty mama!
Kyoto, and Edo,
Baby why don’t we go?
Down to Tokyo,
We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow!
That’s where we wanna go,
Way down in Tokyo…
There once were some Cultural Attaches,
Who suffered most terrible heartaches,
When the wind rushing through,
Caused them to cough,
And detached – one by one – their mustaches,
I’m quite ill at the moment, which is probably why I think this is an amusing idea…
Westeros Baptist Church
News Release
THANK THE SEVEN FOR THE DEATH OF JOFFREY BARATHEON!
WBC TO PICKET THE FUNERAL OF ‘KING’ JOFFREY
The Royal Court is classifying the death of Joffrey Baratheon as an assassination orchestrated by Tyrion ‘The Imp’ Lannister, but the fact is THE SEVEN POISONED HIS CHALICE. How many more terrifying ways will you have the Seven injure and kill your fellow Andals because you insist on tolerating race-dooming, filthy, tree worship?! The Seven placed their stars on the forehead of Hugor of the Hill and commanded submission, not supplication of trees, drowned corpses and demonic fire gods, and will take vengeance! The Baratheons invited special wrath with their willful association with heathen Northmen and Ironmen and blasphemous pagans from across the Narrow Sea. As a direct result of this continuing slide towards depravity the Seven sent poisoned wine to the royal wedding feast. Your callous, defiant sin now leaves the Seven Kingdoms without a Ruler! SEE YE THE BLADE AND WHO HATH WEILDED IT Westeros! What sorrow! What lamentation! What Woe!
THE GODS HATE TREES!
Coworker: Ruby 2’s out!
Me: Wasn’t that a Stones song?
Sometimes the mind comes up with something that one knows is awful, but nonetheless must be created and shared – because it’s the only way to get it out of one’s head. With that in mind, I present this abomination…
I’m so, so sorry.
Thrilling Tales!
The minimum temperature last night was 27.7 degrees. I think we can all agree that this is ridiculous and something should be done.
I suggest sending a fleet of tugs down to Antarctica to snap off a bit of ice shelf and tow it back here. We can then hack chunks off of it and helicopter them up into the hills. The easterlies will turn nice and cool, and the runoff will go straight into the dams. It’s a win-win situation!
Get onto it Premier! I command you!
Thorin and Company are trapped at the top of a bunch of burning pine trees, surrounded by Goblins and Wargs…
Thorin Oakenshield: Right! This is a bad situation, but I have a plan! On my word, everyone leap down, weapons drawn, on the nearest warg. Go for the throats first, then turn your axes on the goblins. Not all of us will make it, but we’ll make a damn good accounting for ourselves!
Gandalf: Yes… yes… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?
Thorin Oakenshield: ……ok.
Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!
Gandalf and Legolas have been trapped on the highest pinnacle of Orthanc by Saruman the white wizard…
Legolas: Alright! We’ll wait until the next time Saruman comes up to gloat at us. I’ll climb up on the statuary and loose a rain of arrows upon him, while you blind him with a sorcerous flash. Then we’ll take the stairs and fight our way down, grabbing the palantir on the way out!
Gandalf: Yes… very good… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to come to our rescue..?
Legolas: ……ok.
Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!
The army of Gondor stands before the Black Gate. The forces of Sauron are in disarray, the ground shakes and ash falls from the sky as the One Ring is consumed in the fires of Orodruin…
Aragorn: The Ringbearer has completed his quest! The power of Sauron is broken forever! Assemble the most skilled riders and the fastest horses – if there is any hope that Frodo and Sam yet survive, we must ride for Mount Doom with haste!
Gandalf: That would work… Or I could just summon a flock of giant eagles to fly to the mountain and rescue them..?
Aragorn: ……ok.
Gandalf: EAGLES COME FORTH!!
(Saw The Hobbit last night. I’ll post my thoughts later but in the meantime I couldn’t get this ridiculous parody out of my head :))
As my trivia challenge from last week seems to have stunned everyone into silence, the time is probably right to provide the answers…
* During the cold war, the United States deployed nuclear-warhead tipped bazookas.
TRUE! It was called the Davy Crockett, and was one of many insane weapon systems designed to defend the Fulda Gap.
* While Governor of California, Ronald Reagan launched a dressmaker’s dummy into orbit.
FALSE! This was however a plot line from the short lived Brother Power the Geek.
* Pope John Paul II was a member of the Harlem Globetrotters.
TRUE! The Globetrotters hand out honorary memberships to all kinds of people, including the late Pontiff.
* Alfred Hitchcock had no navel.
TRUE! Hitchcock was, of course, born with one, but by the time of his death he’d had so much abdominal surgery that it had completely gone missing.
That’s it! Go make your own entertainment!
