16 Quotes From Tony Abbott to Remind You Why He Shouldn’t Be Prime Minister

Via Nikki J’s Scrapheap

On immigration:

1. ‘Jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it’s not necessarily everyone’s place to come to Australia.’

2. ‘These people aren’t so much seeking asylum, they’re seeking permanent residency. If they were happy with temporary protection visas, then they might be able to argue better that they were asylum seekers’

On rights at work:

3. ‘Bad bosses, like bad fathers and husbands, should be tolerated because they do more good than harm’

On women:

4. ‘The problem with the Australian practice of abortion is that an objectively grave matter has been reduced to a question of the mother’s convenience.’

5. ‘I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons’

6. ‘I think there does need to be give and take on both sides, and this idea that sex is kind of a woman’s right to absolutely withhold, just as the idea that sex is a man’s right to demand I think they are both they both need to be moderated, so to speak’

7. ‘What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price and their own power bills when they switch the iron on are going to go up, every year…’

On Julia Gillard:

8. ‘Gillard won’t lie down and die’

On climate change:

9. ‘Climate change is absolute crap’

10. ‘If you want to put a price on carbon why not just do it with a simple tax.’

On homosexuality:

11. ‘I’d probably … I feel a bit threatened’

12. ‘If you’d asked me for advice I would have said to have – adopt a sort of “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about all of these things…’

On Indigenous Australia:

13. ‘Now, I know that there are some Aboriginal people who aren’t happy with Australia Day. For them it remains Invasion Day. I think a better view is the view of Noel Pearson, who has said that Aboriginal people have much to celebrate in this country’s British Heritage’

14. ‘Western civilisation came to this country in 1788 and I’m proud of that…’

15. ‘There may not be a great job for them but whatever there is, they just have to do it, and if it’s picking up rubbish around the community, it just has to be done’

On Nicola Roxon:

16: ‘That’s bullshit. You’re being deliberately unpleasant. I suppose you can’t help yourself, can you?’

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Ian Hazzikostas of Blizzard commenting on how he designs encounters for expansions such as World of Warcraft: Kung Fu Panda (oh wait! sorry! it’s called Mists of Pandaria apparently…)

…and then a lot of it just comes down to what sounds cool to us. A huge firehawk that bursts out of a volcano. That sounds kind of cool. Huge magma giants. A spider that lives in a forest where the webs it weaves are made of pure fire. That’s pretty cool…

Exactly when did Blizzard hire Beavis?

The Second Coming of the Napisan Man

There’s been a fair bit of to-do around the country lately concerning electricity costs. In most states they’ve jumped up, primarily because the power companies have been holding back on infrastructure related price rises until they could blame the new federal carbon tax – after all, why increase everyone’s bill by $75 a year and have no-one to divorce responsibility onto when you can increase them by $85 and say it’s all the fault of Ju-Liar Gillard and her evil compact with the Greens?

In any case, prices have risen and as a consequence the state government here in WA has been a running a series of ads in which an impossibly well groomed young family lecture the audience about all the things they’ve been doing to reduce their power bill. Most of these are common sense – turn appliances off standby, don’t leave the TV running if you’re not actually watching it, grow your marijuana in the backyard instead of under lights in your roof cavity, that sort of thing – but one of them left me absolutely gobsmacked.

The impossibly well groomed mother is loading clothes into the washing machine and turns to the camera saying “Instead of running three loads of washing a day, I wait till the end and just run one big load”…

Ahem.

THREE FREAKING LOADS OF WASHING A DAY!?!?

What human being needs to do three loads of washing a day!? Someone who shares their home with incontinent farm animals? A family who rent their loungeroom out for Haliburton fracking operations? A cult who await the second coming of the Napisan Man? What kind of insanity is this?!

Now, I accept that a family, particularly a family with small children, will generate more dirty clothes than a single guy like myself, but I only need to do two loads of washing a week. A circumstance where I’d need to fire up the washing machine on a daily basis – let alone on a tri-daily basis – is to me like something out of a Chuck Palahniuk novel. Seriously, if you’re creating a full load of dirty clothes on a daily basis, and need them washed on a daily basis, you need to see some kind of endocrinologist (or possibly you need more clothes).

If everyone in western society is running their washing machine at these levels, it’s no wonder we’re running out of fresh water.

Your clothes will be fine in the washing basket for a few days people. Seriously.

Do as History Teaches

It’s that time again, the time when the Australian swim team goes off to the Olympics and – to the general consternation of the nation – totally fails to dominate. Our swimmers pick up some silvers, some bronzes and maybe a few golds, and the press fills up with questions about where it’s all gone so wrong.

The thing that everyone fails to remember is that this is the Olympic Games, not the Commonwealth Games. In the Commonwealth Games we slaughter everyone, because, frankly,  we’re the only people in the Commonwealth who can actually swim. At the Olympics we face the Americans, the Russians, the Chinese and a horde of upstart, wildcard nations that luck out by stumbling over a single brilliant swimmer. Faced with all that competition we actually punch well above our weight, but there’s still hand wringing and gnashing of teeth every time we win a silver (or, the horror! a bronze) rather than a gold.

To those who are upset at our team’s performance in the pool – or elsewhere – I say shut up and listen to some TISM.

Holy Calamity, Scream Insanity

Herp Derp Particle

The HerpDerpParticle Twitter feed is one of those things that first makes you laugh, and then makes you weep for the future of humanity. It does nothing but retweet insane twitter posts about the probable discovery of the Higgs Boson, which can mostly be categorised into three types…

1: Liberal atheist European scientists have found the God Particle, thus proving that God exists and hoisting the evil, science-worshiping, communist, agnostic, atheist, anti-American, Darwinist, liberal, gay, Muslim, perverts by their own petard.

2: Liberal atheist European scientists found the God Particle on July 4th, thus proving for all time that God loves America more than any other nation on Earth and condemning all evil, science-worshiping, communist, agnostic, atheist, Darwinist, liberal, gay, Muslim perverts to Hell for electing Barrack Obama.

3: All science is an evil, communist, agnostic, atheist, Darwinist, liberal, Anti-American, gay, Muslim, pervert plot and all the truth you ever need is in the Bible.

It’s this kind of thing that makes me reconsider living on this planet.

Later: But this cheers me right up 🙂

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