So Long Monorail

Is there a chance the track could bend?

So, the news broke yesterday that New South Wales state government is going to shut down the Sydney Monorail. This is unsurprising – for reasons I’ll discuss below – but has stirred up some rather fierce debate, much of which is being played out in the comments sections of the major news sites.

The comments posted have generally been of three types, typified by the only slightly fictionalised examples below…

“About time! The monorail is a joke. It doesn’t go anywhere useful, it doesn’t connect with the rest of the city’s transport and no one except tourists ever uses it. It should have been shut down years ago!”
CBD Office Drone from Sydney

“This is a real shame! When I go to Sydney twice a year to buy sheep crutching ointment my kids love riding on the monorail! What am I going to do with them now? Save the Monorail!”
Country Kev from Coonnaboollabillybar

“Is there a chance the track could bend?”
Disco Stu from Disco Stu Likes Disco Music

My opinion? Shutting the monorail is sad, but makes sense.

The simple fact is that the monorail system is coming to the end of it’s useful life. It was built in 1988 in a burst of raw bicentennial enthusiasm to demonstrate to the world that Australia was a modern, vibrant country. As with most similar projects it looked cool, but was fairly useless, the entire circuit covering a mere 3.6 kilometres and linking the Darling Harbour redevelopment (another bicentennial project) to the Darling Harbour redevelopment. The rest of the stations were placed with no thought as to where people might actually like to go to, and totally failed to integrate with the rest of the city’s public transport. The fares have been ridiculously high ever since it opened – on a dollars per kilometre basis it costs more to ride the Sydney Monorail than to travel in a first class sleeper cabin on the Orient Express.  In other words it is, and always has been a massive white elephant.

Nonetheless it has been kept running – mostly as a tourist attraction – for the last 24 years via a sort of grudging civic pride. The rails have been maintained, more or less, and the six sets of carriages have slowly been cannibalised for parts, with only four now in service.

Now however the system has hit the wall. If the monorail is to be kept running it requires a complete overhaul – at the very least new carriages need to be purchased. The problem is that the system was built to a proprietary standard – only carriages and equipment from the original manufacturer will work – and, guess what? The original manufacturer no longer makes monorails. Result? You just can’t get the parts.

This leaves the government with three options…

1: Spend tens of millions of dollars buying new carriages and equipment from a new supplier, and overhauling the entire system to be able to use said new carriages and equipment.

2: Spend hundreds of millions (if not a few billion) doing the above, and expanding the network to link it properly into the public transport network and take people to places they actually might like to go.

3: Spend a few hundred thousand dollars to shut it down.

While option two would be fantastic, the only sensible one is three. Shut it down.

It’ll be sad to see it go, but the city will survive just fine without it.

It would be nice if they can keep a few of the pillars and a short section of track as a kind of memorial for urban history wonks such as myself though. Maybe I’ll write a letter or something…

Kony

Is Joseph Kony a monster who needs to be brought to justice? Yes.

Is it good that the central African conflict is getting some attention for once? Yes.

Is Kony responsible for everything that’s wrong with central Africa? No.

Will capturing Kony solve central Africa’s problems and turn everything to sweetness and light and happiness with unicorns and ice cream? Hell no.

Are parts of the Invisible Children video inaccurate, outdated and misleading? Hell yes.

Don’t imagine for a second that putting up a poster, liking something on Facebook or pinning blame on one man is going to ‘save’ the people of central Africa. Do some research into just how complex and fethed up the conflict/region is, hold off on buying that new smartphone, and then get back to me.

Except for Swans

Once again I really must apologise for yesterday’s post. It’s just that bad poetry really gets to me. Particularly bad poetry inflicted on the public by the privileged.

It’s my problem, I’ll deal with it.

I was thinking maybe I’ll scrawl the following onto a slate tile and post it to the manager of the markets with a cover letter saying “I understand you’re accepting donations of pieces of rock decorated with poorly rhymed political manifestos and would like to contribute to the collection”…

One day I want to be the king,
So I can own everything,
Except for swans it seems,
Which I’m told belong to Elizabeth the Queen,
And so one day you must give everything,
To the person who is your king,
By which I mean me,
See?

In the meantime, here’s this.

Caramelldansen!

Oh Holy….

There’s a new market opened up in Morley, in the old Coventry’s building.

Outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a giant lump of iron ore.

On the giant lump of iron ore outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a plaque.

On the plaque on the giant lump of iron ore outside the new market in the old Coventry’s building is a group of words that the very charitable might concede to describe as something resembling a poem.

A poem apparently written by mining magnate Gina Rhinehart….

Our Future

The globe is sadly groaning with debt, poverty and strife
And billions now are pleading to enjoy a better life
Their hope lies with resources buried deep within the earth
And the enterprise and capital which give each project worth
Is our future threatened with massive debts run up by political hacks
Who dig themselves out by unleashing rampant tax
The end result is sending Australian investment, growth and jobs offshore
This type of direction is harmful to our core
Some envious unthinking people have been conned
To think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand
Through such unfortunate ignorance, too much abuse is hurled
Against miners, workers and related industries who strive to build the world
Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores
To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores
The world’s poor need our resources: do not leave them to their fate
Our nation needs special economic zones and wiser government, before it is too late.

Now you’re going to have to excuse me here, because bad poetry is something that really gets up my nose, to the point of making me almost irrational. So I beg your forgiveness in advance for the tone of what I’m about to type…

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT IS THIS FUCKING CRAP PIECE OF SHIT DOING IN A PUBLIC SPACE!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT IN GOD’S NAME MAKES GINA FUCKING RHINEHART THINK SHE’S CAPABLE OF WRITING GODDAMED FUCKING POETRY WITHOUT THE SLIGHTEST CONCEPTION OF METER AND/OR SCANSION AND THAT THE PUSTULANT CRAP PRODUCED IS WORTHY OF BEING PUT ON PUBLIC FUCKING DISPLAY!?!?!?! IF A FUCKING TWELVE YEAR OLD HANDED THIS IN TO ME AS POETRY I’D TELL THEM TO FUCKING REWRITE IT!!!!!! YOU CANT JUST FUCKING ARRANGE A BUNCH OF FUCKING RUN ON SENTENCES OF WILDLY VARIABLE FUCKING LENGTH AND STRESS INTO COUPLETS AND CALL IT POETRY FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!
FUCK!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry about that. Meter is something trivially easy to get your head around, yet so many people seem to be completely incapable of comprehending it, and it really gets me steamed.

Obviously 😀

A somewhat more reasoned critical analysis of Rhineharts lyrical atrocity may be read here.

Dachshund Antibiotics

The title is a pun…

OK, I couldn’t get the code installed to take the Wyrmlog offline in protest over SOPA/PIPA today. Let’s just pretend, OK?

Here’s some info about the issue.

Saw the Doc yesterday and he’s confirmed that I probably have typhus. I’m on some pretty powerful antibiotics (the kind where you can’t go outside because your skin will slough off on exposure to sunlight) that should sort me out in short order.

I hope.

You Can Dance if You Want To

We built this city on Rock and Roll…

Thanks for the concern everyone. I’m feeling a bit better now – mentally if not physically – and can start to think about what went wrong without wanting to curl up and die.

On the physical side I’m sick as a dog, so it’s probably best that I got of the ship when I did – I’d rather be sick as a dog at home than in the middle of the Tasman sea. There’s at least the chance that I’ve caught a mild case of typhus off a tick that attacked my leg, but I’m off to see the doctor today who’ll presumably give me a firm diagnosis and some pills to fix it.

As a final note, if I can pull myself together enough to get the plugin installed I intend to take the Wyrmlog dark tomorrow as part of the worldwide SOPA/PIPA protest. So if you come to visit and there’s nothing here, don’t panic. It’ll all be back to normal soon enough.

On another subject, may I present this?

Oh, ok then, no 😉

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