Reminisces

Don’t talk to me about the Kings of Leon!

The Kings of Leon. The Kings of Leon were a pack of bastards. Obsessed with reconquering Iberia from the Moors. “Hey” I’d say to them “The Moors aren’t that bad. They’re people just like you”. “But they’re evil!” they’d say “The Pope says so!” and how can you really argue against the Pope?

The Kings of Aragon were just as bad, with the added complication of an appalling amount of inbreeding. Knock-kneed, hump-backed dwarves the lot of them. And the lisps! A five minute conversation with one of them and you’d need a shower and change of clothes. And believe me, showering facilities in 12th century Zaragoza weren’t exactly up to scratch.

The food was great though – Aragon had the best cooks in the whole of Iberia. A meal at the royal court was almost worth all the spit. Some people will tell you the palace of Cordova was the place for fine cuisine, but the Umayyads had nothing on the cooks of Aragon. The things they could do with a duck, some cloves and some oranges would make you weep.

Charlemagne, he was a decent sort. Great company – the stories he could tell! I remember one time he had the whole Synod of Frankfurt in hysterics with a story about a gluttonous donkey. His one big regret was never learning to write properly. “Charlie” I’d say “You’ve got scribes to handle that for you”, but he was always embarrassed about it. “Even Abul can write better than I!” he’d exclaim and throw his quill (or when drunk – as he often was – his flagon) across the room, and his wife would have to talk him down and remind him that Abul was an elephant and hence couldn’t write at all. But apart from that he was a great bloke.

Can’t say the same about Pippin, but that’s another story.

Vale Lux Interior

Another one bites the dust

I just heard that Lux Interior – founder of the Cramps – has passed away at the age of 60. Boo.

I’ve never really heard much of the Cramps, but I like what I have heard. Psycho-Billy is good stuff, even if it the name was invented as a marketing stunt.

My main memory of the Cramps is from when they appeared on some Andrew Denton program back in the early 90s. Denton managed the probably rather remarkable feat of rendering Lux speechless by informing him that in Australia “Lux” is a brand of dishwashing detergent. They then went on to perform Swing the Big Eyed Rabbit.

Farewell Lux!

Any Poor Souls…

Obsessed? Moi?

Any pour souls who trespass against us,
Whether they be beast or man,
Will suffer the bite or be stung dead on sight,
By those who inhabit this land,

For their’s is the power and this is their kingdom,
As sure as the sun does burn,
So enter this path, but heed these four words,
You shall never return…

(This has no relevance to anything whatsoever, but the song and the image are so inextricably linked in my head that I had to post it some time πŸ™‚

Breaking Rhyme

More important things that the inauguration

I could carry on and on today about how great it is to finally see the end of the Bush Presidency, and how Obama is going to save America/The World/Civilisation/Life as We Know It, but I figure there’s enough blogs doing that. Bush is gone, Obama – who not only looks good by comparison but objectively seems to be fairly smart, sane and reasonable – is in, and we can all breath a sigh of relief. Enough said.

Instead I’m going to talk about something that’s been bugging me for a while, and that’s trying to figure out the name for a particular poetic or lyrical method (I tell ya, the excitement never stops at the Wyrmlog!)

The technique in question is where the lyrics – by means of first half of an obvious rhyme – lead you to expect a particular concluding rhyme, but then fail to fulfil the expectation by using a contrasting (and almost always non-rhyming) word instead, for purposes of comedy or satire.

Some examples…

A Two Ronnie’s parody of the song “I Dream of Jeanie”
I dream of Daisy-Mae who works at the Vicar’s,
Daisy drives me crazy, without any trouble,

“Kiss Me Son of God” by They Might be Giants
Now you’re the only one left who can tell me if it’s true,
That you love me, and I love me,

A parody of “Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler?” performed many years ago during my high school days…
We won’t put on our CJs, so take good note of it!
‘Cause frankly Mrs Fox we just couldn’t give a… (wait for it!) …damn!

You get the idea.

Working from the principal that every single thing you can do with words has been given a name at some point, this method must have a title. But I just can’t seem to discover what, and it’s driving me nuts…

So Long Mr Bush

It’s over. It’s finally over.

As we bid a fond *cough* farewell to the 43rd President of the United States, let’s all take a moment to consider his accomplishments, both international and domestic, and for one last time enjoy his plaintive version of REM’s The End of the World as we Know it.

(Now let’s just wait for Obama to screw things up…)

Hottest 100 2008/2009

It’s that time of year again…

So, it’s that time of the year again when loyal Triple J listeners vote on their top 10 tunes of the year. After some heavy thinking on Boxing Day I went ahead and voted for the following tracks, conveniently arranged in order from my least favourite best song of the year, to most favourite best song of the year. This year I’ve also included some thoughts on where each track will probably come in the countdown, so tune in on Australia day to see just how wrong I was!

10 This Boy’s In Love – The Presets: The presets have been getting a lot of press lately about how fantastic they are, and how they’re the saviors of the Australian dance/rave/electronica/doop-doop scene. Being a massive contrarian this would usually make me hate them, but they’re actually not bad, as this track ably demonstrates. Apparently the singing in the chorus was meant to be a guide track for another vocalist they were going to get in, but they liked how it sounded it so much that they kept it – not unlike the whistling in that Young Folks song from a few years back. Should do very, very well. The Presets have been going gangbusters all year.

9 Graveyard Girl – M83: I don’t know what it is about this song, but it grabbed me the first time I heard it, and has since refused to let go. The video clip (which I hadn’t seen until looking it up for this entry) is a weird emo-goth-teen dead-pet romance story, which frankly detracts from the song – making it sound like some kind of weird emo-goth-teen dead-pet romance story. Frankly for all I know maybe it is – I don’t care, I still like it. An eclectic song that will be limited to the 80s or 90s if it makes it in at all.

8 Naughty Girl – Mr G: This song is very, very, very stupid, which is why I like it. It’s a parody of creatively bankrupt dance music so effective that it is – effectively – creatively bankrupt dance music. It derives of course from TV’s Summer Heights High and if you’re not familiar with the show then it won’t make a lot of sense. The video clip – chopped together from videos submitted by fans – will make even less sense. Could be a sleeper and end up in the top 10, or fail to make it in at all. Hard to say.

7 Kids – MGMT: I have no idea what – if anything – this song is about. But I like it. MGMT have also been going gangbusters, so this could easily make it into the top 20.

6 That’s That – Cass McCombs: There seems to be some debate in the comments about whether this clip is actually of Cass McCombs or not. There’s also some weird jumps and lip synch issues, but it’s still the best version of the song I could find on YouTube. In any case it’s a catchy although plaintive little tune with a good baseline and that’s all that really matters. May make it in around the 50s – probably a bit subtle for the common palate.

5 Geraldine – Glasvegas: This song has three things going for it. A good – although simple – tune, a thick Scottish accent, and a twist in that it sounds like a typical love song, but isn’t. It’s also less cloying than Glasvegas’ other current hit Daddy’s Gone. Showed up late in the year so has a good chance to do well.

4 Guess Who Batman – Lily Allen: The first time I head this song I just managed to catch the last chorus. I had two thoughts. One – “that sounds like Lilly Allen”. Two – “that pretty sums up the way I feel about George W. Bush”. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the song is actually about George W Bush (as indicated by the initials of the title). I suspect that Lilly Allen and I may have some kind of deep psychic bond, that must somehow be exploitable for profit. (Note: Whoever transcribed the lyrics apparently has never heard the word medieval). Lilly Allen is a little bit too mainstream for the average JJJ listener. On the other hand songs with the f-word in the chorus traditionally do well, and she’s laying the boot into George W. Bush. As a consequence it’s impossible to say where this will end up.

3 Oxford Comma – Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend seem to specialise in catchy, cheery sounding songs, the meanings of which are completely impenetrable. This is no exception with lyrics about Lamas, Little John and lying about coal. The video clip is notable for two reasons – it’s directed by Richard Ayoade who plays Moss in The IT Crowd, and it’s all done in a single shot. Bet you didn’t notice that hey? Vampire Weekend have been doing well all year, however their vote could well end up split between the five or six eligible songs. Will probably show up in the 30s at the very least.

2 Now – Mates of State: My second favourite song of the entire year. Funnily enough there doesn’t seem to be a copy of the official recording on YouTube, but I’ve linked to a live performance, which is almost as good. May well slip into the background of all the other tracks available to vote for and not show up at all.

1 Det Snurrar I Min Skalle – Familjen: This Swedish song is not only my absolute favourite of the year, it has one of the best video clips I’ve ever seen, all cut together from black and white footage of some sort of revival meeting (sometime I’ll get around to making an animated gif of that accordionist’s creepy smile). Apparently it won a Swedish Grammy, or a Grammy in Sweden – I’m not 100% sure on the details. In any case, if I had my way this would be number one. Will probably do very well. A good bet for the top 10.

So that’s my votes. There’s at least one other song that I would have fitted in there somewhere (probably at number 4, pushing the Presets off the bottom of the list) if I’d actually been aware of it – apparently JJJ have been playing it for several weeks but somehow I managed to miss hearing it entirely. This is Help I’m Alive by Metric. The first few times I heard it I actually mistook it for the Breeders – to my ears at least Emily Haines sounds remarkably like Kim Deal. It’s a great song and I feel kind of sad that none of my ten votes will go to supporting it.

Some other songs that made my shortlist include…

So that’s it. Go make your own entertainment!

It’s from the Latin!

That’s the second time I’ve heard her do this…

Just a quick note for Triple J’s Gaby Brown. “Vale” – as in “Vale Ron Asheton” – is pronounced “Va-lay”. Not “Veil”!

(Man, that’s a totally sucky first blog for 2009. I’ve got a big one half written, I’ll have to knuckle down and get it finished.)

Goose Pimple Bone

Oh I’ll be a good boy, Please make me well, I promise you anything,Get me out of this hell

Well, I’ve been holed up ever since 3:30am Monday morning with a really nasty and persistent case of gastroenteritis. I’d write about what it’s like not being able to eat or sleep for four days straight, except that John Lennon did it so eloquently for me back in 1969 with Cold Turkey

Temperature’s rising
Fever is high
Can’t see no future
Can’t see no sky

My feet are so heavy
So is my head
I wish I was a baby
I wish I was dead

Cold turkey has got me on the run

My body is aching
Goose-pimple bone
Can’t see nobody
Leave me alone

My eyes are wide open
Can’t get to sleep
One thing I’m sure of
I’m in at the deep freeze

Cold turkey has got me on the run

Thirty-six hours
Rolling in pain
Praying to someone
Free me again

Oh I’ll be a good boy
Please make me well
I promise you anything
Get me out of this hell

Cold turkey has got me on the run

Amen John, amen.

Foolish Ideas – The continuing series

Doctor House meets Mocky

Rewrite the lyrics of Mickey Mouse M**********rs by Mocky to be about Doctor House

It’s the G-R-E to the G-R-Y, H-O-U-S-E,
And if you try to f*** with us then that’s what you shall be,
I’m Doctor House m***********s,
I’ll make you bounce m***********s,
I’ll Doctor House you,
(It’s kind of sad, but I’m turning into Doctor House)
Can’t even see you no more,
Medically I’ll take you to the hospital and give you epinephrine,
Take your blood and dose you with a shot of pseudoephedrine,

…and so on.

(Yes, I’m fully aware that’s not how you spell ‘Gregory’. Deal with it πŸ™‚

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