Category: Musical Snobbery

Lady in Red, and the Red is the Breath of the Beast and the Beast wears Seven Crowns…

Elevator music on the way down to hell (thanks Ryan!)

Chris de Burgh. When you think of Chris de Burgh, you probably don’t think “nightmare music that would scare Trent Reznor” (or maybe you do, what do I know about your, or indeed Trent Reznor’s musical tastes?). In any case if you didn’t think that before, you probably will after hearing what V/VM has managed to do to Lady in Red.

V/VM – Lady in Red

Whatever array of filters and transformations V/VM have inflicted on the song changes it from a romantic ballad into something Satan would sing in the shower.

Take a listen. It will haunt your dreams.

Tanzwut

Qui potare non potestis, ite procul ab his festis.

A German metal band (taking their name from the medieval dancing manias and featuring bagpipes) takes a medieval Latin drinking song and sets it to Bach’s Toccata and Fuge in D Minor.

Tanzwut – Toccata (the song begins at 1:50 if you’re impatient)

I can not think of a single thing about this that is not awesome.

Free Range Ablett

Some people don’t smell like they should

AFL ‘Superstar’ Gary Ablett Jr announced today that he’s leaving the Geelong Cats and moving to the Gold Coast Suns.

The movement of AFL players between teams is something that would normally rate on my interest radar somewhere below the antics of the fleas on Paris Hilton’s chihuahua, but I’m feigning an interest this time because it’s a great excuse to pull out a reference to a strange and obscure song by the strange and obscure (and probably defunct) Perth band O!, which goes by the name of Free Range Ablett.

It goes a little something like this…

Some people smell good!
Some people don’t smell like they should,
Some people smell like a free range Ablett…

Free Range! Free Range ababababa abababa,
Ababababa abababa,

And his faithful companion the…
Egg roll, Egg roll,
Free Range! Ababababa abababa,
Gary-gary-gray-gary-gary-gary Ablett!
And his faithful companion the…
Egg roll, Egg roll,

 (Those lyrics may not be 100% accurate, and the song’s actually about his dad, but hey, let’s not let that ruin the fun :))

Why Piano Matters

And nothing else

I was trawling around the net the other day (as one does) and ended up on a truly atrocious website that wouldn’t have looked out of place on Geocities in 1998. Animated gifs, marquee text, 20 point Times New Roman against a tiled background that rendered it completely unreadable – a nightmare from the depths of time and sad casualty of the browser wars. I was about to close it down before it could infect my computer with blink tags when the midi file started, and I was forced to pause and figure out what the sublime piano music emerging from my speakers was.

At first I thought it might be the Moonlight Sonata, but it wasn’t. I was wracking my brain for possible other pieces when it suddenly clicked. Nothing Else Matters. By Metallica. It was a frickin’ piano cover of Metallica! And it sounded fantastic!

I was, to use the modern phrase, quite blown away.

I’ve managed to locate a similar version of the song on YouTube by one Scott D. Davis who seems to do a lot of this kind of thing. So, enjoy!

A Played Out Picture Show

There’s nothing more boring than reading about other people’s dreams.

As is fairly normal when sleeping I had a dream last night. It was the usual incoherent mess that my dreams generally are, involving a 25th birthday party, cows, a storm, a magic book, people possessed by the spirits of ancient wizards and several episodes of Doctor Who. But it also featured a song.

In context of the dream it was by Sparklehorse, but on waking with it still in my memory it sounded a lot more like Everclear. I was able to remember one verse of it, which goes as follows…

Is it a forest in a wood? A burnt out bedroom mansion?
Is it a played out picture show? Is it a happy ending?

I have no idea what that could possibly mean, but it’s easily as good as anything Nik Kershaw ever wrote đŸ˜‰

Today we all steal animals…

Machines! We are taking to the sky!

B Mashina by scary Slovenian industrial meisters Laibach is a truly epic track, redolent of all kind of weird, Reichian flying machines and apocalyptic calamities. As such I consider it extremely unlikely (no matter how much the aforelinked YouTube poster would like it to be true) that the lyrics include the phrase today we all steal animals.

It seems much more likely to me that the lines in question are today we are still, animals we are.

Of course maybe I’m wrong and the song’s really about black helicopters and cattle mutilation…

Chiddy Bang eat your heart out

I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I incessantly come up with this kind of crap…

Popped into my head today fully formed…

‘Cause the real world’s just like Sea World, where I’m just a walrus and you all are tourists,

I’m not sure what this says about my brain – apart from “nothing good” of course.

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