Category: Law and Politics

Hypocrisy

When dealing with the political Right one should always remember that Conservatives don’t regard hypocrisy as a vice.

Conservatism is based on inherent hierarchies – the idea that some people, ideas and things are intrinsically and unchangeably better than other people, ideas and things. As such it’s only natural and correct that different standards and different rules should apply to different objects in the hierarchy.

The result is that criticising the Right for inconsistent principals and special exceptions simply doesn’t work. What we on the Left consider appalling hypocrisy, they consider simple and obvious common sense. Complaining and protesting about it is – to them – as ridiculous as complaining and protesting about the sky being blue. It does nothing to shame them or convince them to change their ways – rather it makes us look like idiots.

So fight against the hypocrisy of the Right (and the Left when it occurs – which it regularly does) with everything you have, but don’t waste your energy trying to shame them into stopping it.

Farewell Pete, We Wish We Hardly Knew Ye

Opposition Leader Job Seeker Peter Dutton

So, Labor won the election in a total landslide, and Peter Dutton became the first opposition leader in Australian history to lose his seat. I would have much preferred the Greens to hold on to their seats, but this is an outcome I can live with.

I spent most of the day ignoring the election (having voted early on Friday) and turned over to the ABC just in time to see Antony Green call it for Labor. Then, maybe a half hour later, he declared that Peter was out and the panel turned to their Liberal representative (James McGrath I believe) for a comment on this “massive repudiation” of Dutton’s policies. He stared, frozen, at the camera with his mouth hanging open for what seemed like a full five seconds before stuttering to life. It was glorious! (Schadenfreude is undignified, but by god it’s delicious!)

It would be nice to imagine that the Libs will now realise that Australians don’t want nuclear power and don’t react well to American-style identity politics, but I won’t be holding my breath.

It also looks like Clive Palmer and his inane “Trumpet of Patriots” party won’t get a seat in either house, and not only has Clive stated that he would have got a better result if he’d stuck with the “Palmer United” name, he now claims to be too old for politics and won’t bother any more. This is fantastic news for every right thinking person. Personally I numbered all of the 50+ boxes on the Senate ballot paper simply so I could put Clive last, so this pleases me immensely. Piss off, Clive!

It is a good day to be alive in Australia.

Eat Me, Bobby!

“These are kids who will never pay taxes. They’ll never hold a job. They’ll never play baseball. They’ll never write a poem. They’ll never go out on a date. Many of them will never use a toilet unassisted. We have to recognize we are doing this to our children.” — RFK Junior on autistic people

There once was a moron named Bobby,
The CDC he liked to lobby,
Already insane,
When a worm ate his brain,
He spreads medical lies as a hobby,

RFK Jr.’s quite yappy,
He lacks the good sense of his pappy,
If you do as he bids,
You’ll kill millions of kids,
But the worm in his brain will be happy,

Anti-vax RFK teaches,
Raw water and milk’s what he preaches,
Before very long,
If we let this go on,
We’ll all be relying on leeches,

Stick that in your all natural crack pipe Bobby!

Election Day

It’s state Election day here in Western Australia. We use preferential voting (technically Single Transferable Voting), and as such I shall be voting thusly…

  • Parties with good ideas, which includes the Greens.
  • Labor, which means my preferences will probably stop here.
  • Well meaning but fundamentally harmless idiots.
  • The Liberals (who are actually the conservatives). If my preferences didn’t stop at Labor they will undoubtedly stop here.
  • The Nationals, who are the hillbilly version of the Liberals.
  • Parties and Independents who I can find absolutely nothing about.
  • General Lunatics, including the “Stop Pedophiles! Protect Kiddies!” party. I am of course in favour of stopping pedophiles and protecting children, but when you name your party that and provide no public information on your policies I will consider you insane until presented with evidence to the contrary.
  • Dangerous Lunatics, like that Christian party who claim their leader can raise the dead, or the guy who changed his name to “Aussie Trump”.
  • Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party. In the bin where they belong.

Sadly the Senior Citizens Centre just down the street isn’t a poling place this time around, so I’ll need to head over to Hillcrest – but that’s OK because there’s a better chance of getting a democracy sausage there.

Why Peter Dutton is Just Crazy About Nuclear!

Peter Dutton and His Majesty’s most loyal Opposition. Yes, it’s an old joke, but it works damnit!

It’s election season here in Australia with voters shortly to choose between the currently incumbent Labor Party under Anthony Albanese and the Liberal-National Coalition under Peter Dutton (there are plenty of other parties but the odds of any of them winning enough seats to form government are so tiny as to be laughable). Good old Pete has been campaigning for quite some time on dealing with climate change by building nuclear power stations, which is something so out of left field for Australian politics that it has a lot of people wondering what’s in the water in the Liberal party room. Well, read on and all shall be revealed!

(Note for Americans and other aliens: The Australian Liberal Party is Australia’s major conservative party, with the Nationals their hillbilly cousins. This causes all kinds of problems, most notably when the sarcastic hashtag #imvotingliberalbecause escaped Aussie Twitter some years back and utterly baffled the poor Americans)

Reason 1: The Liberals have spent the better part of the last 30 years arguing that climate change is a hoax, and renewable energy is a scam. The majority of Australians now know that neither of these things are true and are demanding action on climate, but years of denial have painted the Libs into a corner where they can’t embrace renewables without handing the Left a massive propaganda coup. So they’ve grabbed on to nuclear as an alternate ‘clean’ energy source that won’t make them look like they’re caving to the progressives.

Reason 2: Renewable energy – rooftop solar in particular – has massive potential to take energy generation out of the hands of big corporations and put it into the hands of individuals. This is a nightmare for said big corporations, who will see their profits plunge as people switch to making and using their own power. Nuclear keeps power generation in the hands of big business, which is where the Liberals’ corporate donors/masters want it!

Reason 3: Every non-partisan expert says that it will take at least 30 years to get nuclear power up and running in this country. Dutton denies this with vague hand-waving about ‘breakthroughs’, but from the Liberal viewpoint a big delay is a feature, not a bug. The longer it takes for nuclear to come online the longer the Liberal Party’s big business mates can keep on turning a profit from coal, oil and gas. Dutton’s dream reactor is the one that starts operating in the infinite tomorrow – the tomorrow that ticks over a day every day at midnight.

So there you have it, the three reasons Peter Dutton and the Liberal-National Coalition are suddenly crazy for a nuclear future. What a shower of dicks.

The Voice and Other Matters

Well, the Voice referendum was – as predicted – a total shit show. I’m a big fan of democracy and so should support the will of the people and all, but I can’t help but feel that the vote was affected by huge amounts of people simply not understanding what we were voting about.

I disagree with the opinion of No voters who understood the proposal and rejected it, but I respect their right to have their say. And if their view was that of the majority of Australians then it’s democratically correct for the referendum to have failed. But how many voters said No because they thought the Voice would result in them having to pay rent to local indigenous bodies? Or that they’d have to hand over their house to the first indigenous person who called dibs? Or even that the entire thing was a nefarious scheme by the United Nations to destroy the white race? All of that bullshit was circulating (and being actively spread by bad actors) and all of it would have distorted the vote to some extent.

The Yes campaign seemed to have been blinded by their own comprehension of the proposal and concentrated on aspiration rather than the much more needed education. A goddam one minute explainer video on what the Voice is and what it could and couldn’t do would have been worth a thousand ads with an indigenous kid dreaming about a brighter future.

Anyway, it’s done, and now we have to live with the consequences. I can at least take some small comfort that my electorate voted Yes, and that Western Australia did not turn out to have the lowest Yes vote – the ever reliable Queensland hitting the bottom of that particular barrel.

But on to other matters.

The Saturday of the referendum also turned out to be the day of my 30th Anniversary High School Reunion at the Breakwater at Hillarys. I was not intending to go, but got badgered into it by a couple of friends. Overall… it was alright. I didn’t recognise half the people there but had a few decent catch ups. I also got a hug from the second-prettiest girl in our entire year, and the prettiest refused to let me leave before we’d had a quick chat – both very gratifying to the shy, damaged nerd that still lurks in the back of my brain. I did bail a bit early though as I felt myself starting to get a bit maudlin – which is the reason I wasn’t inclined to go in the first place. I am far too prone to maudlin nostalgia and if not controlled it can wipe me out for days. I got out before it got too bad and merely lost Sunday brooding on lost opportunities and the merciless passage of time.

(On the subject of the merciless passage of time, one of my classmates could have passed for 60. I don’t know what he’s spent the last 30 years doing, but it definitely hasn’t been kind to him…)

On Sunday, just to make my crappy weekend complete, I ran out of money. Which is not to say I had no money, I just found myself completely unable to access any of it. I misplaced the debit card for my standard bank account a few weeks back and was holding out on reporting it lost in the hopes it would turn up, living in the meantime on the hardly-ever-touched card for my savings account. As I was already feeling crap on Sunday morning I decided to bite the bullet and report it lost. With that done I decided to ease my troubled mind by downloading some truly embarrassing music from iTunes, for which I had to set up and use the savings account card.

It was in the midst of purchasing music that I got an SMS from the bank telling me that said card had been blocked because of “suspicious online transactions” and that I needed to call them right away (in hindsight I suspect that Erasure’s Blue Savanah was too much for the bank computer to handle). I did call them right away (after checking that the number in the SMS was in fact their real number and not that of a Belarusian scam artist) and was immediately connected to a recorded voice that told me I’d called them outside of business hours, then hung up on me.

(Why didn’t I log on to my account online? Because I’ve deliberately avoided setting up online access to my savings account to make it harder for me to spend it all.)

So until I was able to get them on the phone this morning and explain that no scammer would pay $2.99 for a digital copy of the 12 Inch ‘Summer’ remix of Baltimora’s Tarzan Boy I was entirely unable to pay for anything – including any more atrocious music.

Anyway, it’s all sorted now and I should soon be back on an even keel, financially if not psychologically.

So, how was your weekend?

The Voice

Tomorrow we discover what force rules the soul of the Australian people – inclusivity, fairness and decency, or fear, ignorance, disinformation and racism.

I won’t stop hoping for a miracle, but all the polls indicate it will be the latter.

But hey! If ‘no’ wins at least we’ll all be safe from the United Nations taking our houses, or whatever other stupid shit is circulating on social media!

An Intimate Relationship with Fossil Fuels

It has come to my attention that there doesn’t seem to be a decent version of the lyrics to the Chasers’ appallingly obscene yet incredibly funny take on our appalling former Prime Minister’s intimate relationship with fossil fuels. I cannot let this stand, so here is my best shot at a transcription.

COAL MAKES ME CUM by DJ SCOMO (THE CHASER)

Fuck you, and your family, and the essential services you rely on,
Right now – as a criminal – the thing I love is corruption,
Fuck you other cunts facing floods and the bushfires,
When disaster strikes I’m ready to go on vacation in Hawaii,

Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
My dick is always hard for coal,
And it’s only getting harder,
Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
But the thing I love about coal,
Is it doesn’t run away in disasters,

All those build up, and when those floods build up, well, we know what happens,
It makes me hard when I think about coal,
New South Wales used to party hard and we endеd all of that,
So we could have more coal, the dеstroying of fun, I want you cunts to know,

I’m a criminal with a capital ‘C’,
I love coal!
I’m a criminal, Mister, Mister, Mister,
I want to destroy the world,

Coal makes me hard, coal makes me cum,
My dick is always hard for coal,
And it’s only just begun,

Bullying, bullying, bullying, and I want you cunts to die,
China, China, China, being racist gets me hard,
It’s Australia’s fault that I’m such a cunt,
This election is a choice,
For the destroying of lives, people would die,
Attention to genocide,

PM I think we’re going to have to move on…

Sure….

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