Disordered Thoughts and Curmudgeonly Ramblings
The Chihuahua dogs got me! Which is to say that my very first effort to do some maintenance and upgrades has resulted in the Wyrmlog being inaccessible for large chunks of the last few days.
That particular problem has been dealt with. Please expect more problems to follow.
I’m warming up to making some much needed fixes and upgrades to the old Wyrmlog, so don’t be too alarmed if it suddenly vanishes, looks weird, or turns into a chihuahua dog appreciation site.
Well maybe that last one…
Possibly the dumbest thing I believe is that I could beat nicotine addiction.
Deep in my soul I KNOW that I could start smoking, keep it up for a few months, then simply quit cold turkey with no problems apart from feeling a bit crap for a few days.
Thankfully I am far too smart to actually put this to the test.
Studies indicate that men who don’t find partners die noticeably younger than men who do.
So being single may suck, but at least you don’t have to put up with it for too long!
Reason 1: My particular brand of autism makes the sensation of anything touching the skin beneath my fingernails utterly intolerable, so I keep all my fingernails longer than is considered normal for a guy.
Reason 2: Long little fingernails are useful for emergency ear cleaning – as noted by Detective Goran in an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
Reason 3: It signals to people that I am seriously into cocaine. I am not into cocaine at all, but sending the message that I am amuses me far more than it really should.
Mad props to the child who flagged down the bus I was on today simply to tell the driver “Greetings bus driver! I am from Mars!”
(I’m going to try blogging things that I’d normally tweet for a while because, well, you know…)
Looking back I’m not sure if 2022 was better than 2021 or I’ve just become numb to the horror. In any case, welcome to 2023!
I celebrated the new year by ripping off a toenail. This was an accident, not some strange type of ritual, although it was entirely my own fault for letting said nail grow too long. My little toe nails are strange, gnarled lumps of keratin that slowly grow upwards in a bulge – I only need to cut them a few times a year but I need to use model clippers with a lot of force behind them to actually do it. I left them a bit too long this time round and my left one caught on something and ripped straight out, leaving a deep, bloody hole… how’s your year going?
By way of an oracle for the new year I’m going to load up iTunes and get it to randomly play something to see what it tells us about what’s to come. Let’s see…
Lipstick on Your Collar by Connie Francis – what the hell is that even doing in my music collection!? So I guess… I’m going to get a girlfriend… and then cheat on her? Neither of those sound much like me…
Anyway, as is my custom here are some pictures of baby (or at least cute) animals to welcome in the new rotational cycle.
May I beg the thanks of Birmingham?
That’s as may be, but it’s still a frog.
Gulla gulla gulla gulla gulla.
God, it is Danzig!
It’s alreet in the heat.
I think we can get more out of this horse!
Playing tennis, in the Herald Sun.
I hate these dreams.
Layin’ earth, burn side!
How sharper than a serpent’s thanks.
Incoming!
Agricola’s granite tomb.
Who let him down the rabbit hole?
Don’t look at the ink!
Can you see my floating hair?
And part of every day.
Sing this pierogi to me.
A hundred thousand frogs per mile.
I am the crab man.
Important Note: In Australian English the term ‘Wog’ – while historically a racist slur – has over many decades been reclaimed by the immigrant community and is now a marker of pride for Australians of Greek, Italian and Balkan heritage, and a neutral term for describing said Australians for the rest of us. With that cleared up, read on!
In the wake of World War II Australia found itself in need of workers, and unable to supply that need from traditional English and (slightly less desirable) Irish sources relaxed its horribly racist immigration policies a smidgen to let southern Europeans slip in as if they were proper white people. With Europe in ruins many Greeks and Italians took advantage of this and relocated, bringing with them exotic fruits and vegetables (broccoli? what the hell is broccoli?), proper coffee culture (Starbucks lost $165 million when they tried launching here in 2000) and food preparation techniques beyond ‘aggressively boiling into submission’, enriching the nation beyond all measure.
They also brought the distinctive architectural styling of the Wog Palace.
You are an Italian immigrant and decide to start a new life in Perth, Western Australia (if you were Greek you’d likely go to Melbourne). You arrive in a country where you don’t speak the language, you can’t get a decent coffee anywhere and the locals treat you with scorn and suspicion. Nonetheless you buckle down, work your arse off – likely in the construction industry – twelve or more hours a day, seven days a week and after some years have saved enough money not just to bring your family out from the old country, but to buy a block of land on the edge of the city and build a home for them. Naturally you do the labour yourself (with your kids’ help as soon as they’re old enough to safely pick up a brick) and after several years your luxurious new home is ready to move into. You have a Wog Palace to call your own!
So, what are the distinctive features of a Wog Palace?
Size: You have a large family to accommodate, and you’ve secured a large block of land, so you’re going to have five or six bedrooms, and plenty of entertainment space. It’s common to go double story, particularly if you decide to include an integral garage, and if you do include a garage why not make it a double? Some outbuildings for storage and food/wine production are also a good idea, and why not a swimming pool too?
Verandas and Balconies: What use is a house if you can’t sit outside in comfort and enjoy the view? On a two story Wog Palace you’ll have balconies. On a one story you’ll have a verandah instead.
Brick: The material of choice for a Wog Palace is brick. Preferably dark brown, but lighter shades will do in a pinch. Plastering over the brick for a smooth exterior can be done, but is a bit gauche.
Gardens: A productive garden is a must! Vegetable patches, olive trees, grape vines and fruit trees. These will usually be out the back because the front garden will likely have been concreted over for parking space.
Arches: Anglos may be content with right angles, but a proper Wog Palace will use arches instead. Arched windows, arched doors, arched verandas and balconies. Arches are class!
Pillars and Lions: Need a balustrade or something to stop the kids falling off your balcony? You need white, semi-classical pillars! And why not throw up some statues of lions to guard the place while you’re at it?
Low Pitched Roof: A subtle distinction but an important one. Anglo houses have steeply pitched roofs to prevent snow build up – which is not a threat in Perth’s Mediterranean climate and actually something of a disadvantage as they tend to trap heat in our blazing summers. The architectural tradition of the Wog Palace – developed in an actual Mediterranean climate – uses lower pitched roofs sufficient to shed rain without all that wasted space. The roof may even be flat enough to be used as an additional entertaining space in fine weather.
It is an entertaining game to look for Wog Palaces while driving around Perth. They’re a useful marker for the edge of urban development during periods of heavy immigration – which is why you can spot so many along Morley Drive and up in the Swan Valley. They are, in my opinion, some of the best houses even constructed in the city, and where I even in the position to upgrade from my apartment to a house I would definitely be on the lookout for one.
A few examples of Wog Palaces in their native habitat
