Spent an entertaining day up at Fabes’ place yesterday figuring out how to play Warhammer 40k. We ran a very small scale (375 points) test game in which my Valhallans completely wiped the floor with his non-specific Space Marines. My stunning victory was down to a number of points..
We had very little idea what we were doing
The ridiculously low points value we ran with meant the Valhallans outnumbered the Marines about 3 to 1
Fabes kept rolling 1s
But hey, it was just a run through to figure out the movement and shooting rules, so I shouldn’t crow too much 😀
I enjoyed the game enough to go and check out the cost of some Valhallan models (we were using proxies for everything) but – as one expects from Games Workshop – the prices are insane. If I can be bothered I might look at some alternatives, World War II Red Army figurines obviously – but no promises. I mean seriously, do I need another hobby? 😀
Yes, yes, happy new arbitrary point in the earth’s orbit and all that. I have more important things to talk about. Like TV.
(If I were running things then the year would start/end at a solstice or equinox or something. You know, a date that means something. Hrumph.)
Anyway, I remembered a TV show the other day that I haven’t thought of for years. The trouble is I don’t know the name of it, and can only remember a few fragments of plot. This is driving me nuts so I thought I’d start off the new year by putting all the details I can remember about it up online, thus making it someone else’s problem.
It was a live action show. I have a vague suspicion that it was made somewhere in Europe, and dubbed into English – or at least it was filmed in English but in association with a French or Belgian or Dutch (or maybe German) TV network. The plot (insofar as I remember it) was that at some point in the future the world is threatened. You see, in the future everyone wanders around in white robes in a big white building, listening to a super intelligent computer – which appears to be nothing more than a large perspex cube. This computer predicts that some kind of cataclysm is going to occur – a comet, or a planet or an asteroid is going to collide with the earth. Oy gevalt!
Now, the super civilisation of the future is based around the discoveries of a brilliant scientist who was born in the 20th century. In his memoirs he mentioned that he once developed a formula that could be used to move a planet – exactly what the future people need to do to save the earth. But, the formula doesn’t appear anywhere in his papers. So the future people decide they need to travel back in time to the 1980s (when the scientist – about 12 years old at the time – says that he developed the formula) and get it off him – without disturbing the time line by walking up to him and saying “Hey! We’re from the future!”.
So a small team travels back to the 1980s and spends most of their time stumbling around, not actually achieving anything.
They do however (somehow) become involved with a local tramp, who wanders around whitling things. Right at the end of the series they rescue the tramp from being hit by a car (and for some reason) immediately need to return to the future without the formula. Because the tramp is supposed to be dead, they take him with them. Once back in the future they get all mournful about how the mission failed and they’re all going to die.
Meanwhile the tramp notices that the perspex cube supercomputer isn’t level, and quickly whittles a wedge to correct the situation. The computer then announces “Hey, guess what! I wasn’t on a level surface so my calculations were off, the comet/asteroid/planet is going to miss us, hooray!” and everyone lives happily ever after.
The series ends with the boy genius and his girlfriend sitting on a pier back in the 1980s. She asks him what he’s carving into the wood, and he tells her it’s a formula to move planets. THE END.
It was a very weird show – everything was very grey and grim. Lots of melancholy shots of salt marsh and things. I remember a couple of other scenes, one of the future people ransacking the kid’s house (which in the future is a scheduled monument of some kind), and a couple of the time travellers sitting around at a party noting that all of the songs the locals are singing are about love. But that’s it.
So, what the hell was I watching? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Did I mention that I bought myself a copy of Fantasy Flight’s Warhammer 40k role playing game Dark Heresy for Christmas? Well, I did. So there 😀
I have a habit of collecting RPGs that I have no intention of actually running. I just find it really interesting to compare the mechanics, and also enjoy reading all the background material. And the 40K background material is always worth a gander (for those unfamiliar with 40k, TV Tropes provides an excellent and highly entertaining summary).
Overall Dark Heresy is a class production. I have managed to find a few problems with it however. Firstly the Character Creation section is a little sloppy. I had to poke around a fair bit to discover how skills work (and hence how to select them for your character) and I’m still not 100% on how experience is used to increase rank – a problem I’m sure will be resolved once I find where they’ve hidden the relevant explanation.
Secondly, the map of the Calixis sector is dodgy. The different planet types are mostly indicated with coloured dots, some of which are so similar that you need to look really closely to tell the difference. Other planets have weird protrusions, the meaning of which seem highly inconsistent (is Scintilla a prison planet? I can’t tell!). The map is so confusing in fact that I had to create my own version.
Finally there are no rules for abhumans. This is a minor quibble really as modern 40k has all but eliminated them (often via oddly convenient tyranid hive fleets) but it’d be nice to have the option. Happily this hole has been plugged by a number of fan created rulesets such as this one from Postmortem Studios, although I note it doesn’t include Beastmen.
So I decided to create rules for Beastmen. Here we go.
Beastmen
Beastmen are the most bestial and inhuman type of abhuman. Their bodies combine the features of both human and animal, usually being horned, hoofed, and very hairy. Beastmen are much more variable in form than other abhuman types. They are considered abhumans rather than ordinary mutants however, as individual Beastmen conform to a general physical and genetic standard and are no more prone to further mutation than normal humans.
Beastmen who have been introduced into the Imperial cult possess a simple but fierce devotion to the Emperor, regarding him as a vengeful god who demands tribute in the form of the blood of his enemies. They are driven by the need to atone for the sin of being mutants by fighting for the Emperor.
Beastmen only come from Feral Worlds and receive the following traits (rather than the standard Feral World traits),
Iron Stomach – as on Page 15 of Rulebook
Primitive – as on Page 15 of Rulebook
Heightened Senses – as per the talent on page 117 of Rulebook
Ill Omened – as on page 22 of Rulebook, with the -5 fellowship penalty applying to non-beastmen
Characteristic
Base
Feral
Weapon Skill
2d10+
20
Ballistic Skill
2d10+
20
Strength
2d10+
20
Toughness
2d10+
25
Agility
2d10+
25
Intelligence
2d10+
20
Perception
2d10+
20
Willpower
2d10+
20
Fellowship
2d10+
10
Beastmen are limited to the following Dark Heresy career paths: Guardsman, Scum
Well it’s that time of year again, the voting has opened for the Triple J Hottest 100. Naturally I’ve jumped straight in and voted for my favourite 10 songs of the last year and shall present them here for the ridicule of all – but before I do I have to comment on the website they’ve thrown together to take the votes.
I ain’t impressed.
OK, I’ll qualify that. Overall the site is good, but it has a couple of critical bugs that made my voting a bit of a trial.
(For the record I’m using Firefox version 3.6.13)
Firstly, they appear to be using AJAX to add songs to the shortlist. This is fine – except they appear to be using the same XMLHttpRequest object each time you click a song, rather than spawning a new one.
What this means is that if you click to select a song, then click on another song before the result of the first click has been returned, the first click is effectively cancelled, and only the second song is added to the list. So you need to click, wait, click, wait, and so on, which kind of defeats the purpose of using AJAX in the first place.
The second bug is on the submission form you go to once your songs have been selected. I use an extension called CookieSafe to control the cookies on my machine. This allows me to block or modify cookies on a site-by-site basis. On the Triple J site I allow cookies, but have them all rewritten to be session only (ie: they evaporate when I close the browser).
Voting for the hottest 100 appears to require a long term cookie to be set – which is fair enough, I guess they’re using it to stop people voting multiple times. If this cookie is tampered with (or blocked) the form won’t submit. Also fair enough. But – what does the form tell you if this situation occurs?
It tells you that you haven’t filled out all of the fields.
Even when you have.
That’s bad. Really bad. An inappropriate error message is worse than no error message at all. I’m net savvy enough to figure out what’s going on and adjust my cookie settings appropriately, but plenty of other people aren’t, and could easily get so frustrated that they’d give up on voting altogether.
So, the ABC’s web department seriously needs to raise their game.
But, on to the fun stuff. The songs.
Whittling down my list to just 10 songs was a real challenge this year, especially once I realised that I was forgetting a bunch of really good tracks. But I laboured mightily and ended up with the following list, which I present in no particular order (apart from alphabetically by artist).
(Note: Helen and Ali, a bunch of these songs are on a mix-cd that shall shortly be winging your ways, so if you want to be surprised, stop reading – or at least clicking “play”- from this point on :))
The Bedroom Philosopher – Northcote (So Hungover)
The puntastic tale of a pretentious Emo riding around on the number 86 tram. I particularly like the concept of Sad Sanderson performing at the Fitzroy Anti-Social Club.
Cee Lo Green – Fuck You!
I don’t mind profanity in a song, as long as it serves a purpose. In this case the purpose is to form an integral part of a seamless, catchy, funky, brilliant motown track consummately performed by Mr Green. This is my confident tip for the number one spot. Those who find the lyrics offensive may prefer this bowdlerised version performed by the cast of Glee and (for some reason) Gwyneth Paltrow.
Chiddy Bang – The Opposite of Adults
A remix/reworking of MGMT’s Kids. And what a remix/reworking. Just as good as the original, although wildly different.
Grinderman – Palaces Of Montezuma
Ah, Nick Cave! Scary, growly Nick Cave who can make a song about JFK’s spinal cord sound like a visitation from the heavens. OK, it’s not exclusively about JFK’s spinal cord, but believe me, it’s in there, and it’s romantic as all get out.
Gypsy and the Cat – Jona Vark
Gypsy and the Cat were discovered by Triple J Unearthed, and you can just imagine them sitting around giggling saying “we’ll call our song Jona Vark, and everyone will think it’s Joan of Arc, and get all confused! Hurrah”. Normally this kind of tomfoolery would condemn one to a life of complete obscurity, but Gypsy and the Cat seemed to have made it work.
Kate Nash – Do Wah Doo
A few years ago I listed one of Kate Nash’s songs as the worst of the year. Possibly she heard about it, because she’s now come up with a 50’s inspired track that I’m totally in love with. It sounds like something put together by Phil Spector before he went mad and started killing people. Fantastic.
Marina and the Diamonds – Shampain
How to describe Shampain. Like falling into the pit of hell accompanied by a herd of rabid synthesizers? Perhaps, except that it’s awesome.
Philadelphia Grand Jury – Save Our Town
Some good, old fashioned Aussie rock/pop, without which no Hottest 100 list would be complete. Put your money down people!
Sia – Bring Night
Catchy and astronomically accurate! If you travel in the direction of your shadow the sun will go down a little sooner.
Yeasayer – Ambling Alp
A song about boxers from the 1930s. Or something. Certainly they get mentioned in there. I don’t really know, or really care, because it’s energetic, catchy, fun and puts the boot into fascists.
So that’s my ten. Here’s some others that only just missed out on making the cut…
Actually, Skype is a pretty cool program, it’s just that bloody browser plugin that turns everything that even looks like a phone number into a puke-inducing, flag-bearing button that needs to be eliminated with prejudice as extreme as a very extreme thing having a particularly extreme day.
Until that noble goal is achieved, this might be useful. I’ve chopped the horrible beast that is the plugin apart and come up with the following code to undo some of the evil it perpetrates on innocent web pages. Simply drop this CSS code into your page, and (theoretically) Skype will crawl away, weeping, leaving your innocent number strings unmolested.
/* kill skype plugin */
html body span.skype_pnh_container {display:none !important;}
html body span.skype_pnh_print_container {display:inline !important;}
Please note that this is code that seems to work for me, and for the version of the plugin on my computer. It may not work for you, or with whatever version you’re plagued with. Also, I’m not a bloody tech support desk, so if you can’t get this code working, or aren’t sure where to put it – well, it’s tough biscuits for you sailor!
I know I’m just reposting from Boing-Boing (whaddya mean you don’t read Boing-Boing?) but this typographic treatment of Jonathan Coulton’s Shop Vac is near perfect.
Spent far too much time over the weekend doing the first bit of art (for a certain value of ‘art’) I’ve done in ages. A hand drawn map of London.
The idea (you can’t just draw something, you need to have an idea behind it for it to be real ‘art’) was to replicate half pages from the A-Z (the London street directory par exellence) by hand and then paste them all together. As each panel would be drawn without referencing the others the end result would be a fragmented, patchwork view of the city – kind of an exquisite corpse map – with roads, rivers and rail-lines fractured or just coming to dead stops. Close up it’s a mess, but zoomed out it’s still recognisably London.
(I suppose I could come up with some art-wank about it representing the tourist’s view of the city as a collection of disconnected enclaves surrounding tube stations, but that’s just a little too pretentious, even for me :))
The end result can be viewed here. Well, sort of the end result as after I scanned it I added another panel to the lower left. But you get the basic idea.
Spent the last two days battling to free my work computer from the grips of a number of really nasty viruses that managed to slip in via a compromised website I visited looking for the lyrics of Eduard Khil’s trolololo song. I think it’s all clean now, I’m running a final scan in the background to make sure.
