Crates

As if the rules aren’t complicated enough already…

I’m currently building a large terrain piece for Fabes’ and my Warhammer 40,000 games – an Adeptus Mechanicus/Imperial Navy hanger building. The plan is to have battles around the hanger, but also inside the hanger, which will include fights in the main hanger space, involving lots of action movie style firefights between rows of crates.

Now 40k has a pretty simple rule about cover – units in cover get a 4+ save. This is well and good, but misses some of the strategy and fun of fighting in a warehouse environment full of barrels, crates and explosive gas canisters. So, Fabes and I have come up with the following rules to make crate rich environments a bit more exciting…

CRATE TYPES
Crates can be divided into four types. Large Metal Crates, Large Wooden Crates, Small Crates, and Barrels/Cannisters/Ammo Boxes. Each piece of Crate terrain should be designated as one of these types.

CRATE COVER
The four types of Crates provide cover saves for models behind them as follows…

Large Metal            4+
Large Wooden       5+
Small or Barrel/Cannister/Ammo Box      6+

Cover for a barricade of crates is calculated by taking the highest cover save of all the crates in the structure. A barricade containing a Large Metal Crate for instance starts with 4+, while one with no Large Metal but Large Wooden starts at 5+. Every additional crate in the structure adds +1 to the save, to a maximum of 2+.

ATTACKING CRATES
A unit may elect to fire on a crate, or a barricade as if it is another unit. The Armour Values of crates are as follows…

Large Metal           8
Large Wooden      6
Small or Barrel/Cannister/Ammo Box      4

When firing on a barricade the attacker may designate which succesful hits impact on which crate (all hits must be allocated before resolving them).

RESOLVING HITS
When a crate is hit, roll 2d6 on the Crate Impact Table. Each type of crate gets a modifier for this table as follows…

Large Metal           0
Large Wooden    +2
Small                    +2
Ammo Box/Barrel/Canister  +4

Using a flamer, melta or plasma weapon gives an additional +1

CRATE IMPACT TABLE (2d6)

2,3,4,5 – No Effect
6,7,8,9 – If a large crate, replace with a small crate, otherwise no effect
10,11,12 – Destroyed

If a natural double 1 or double 6 is rolled, the crate explodes with a Strength of 3, an AP of 5 and the standard blast template.

So yeah, there we go. Have fun kids!

Five Lines

I had nothing better to do for a few hours…

Well, I’m no expert, but here’s my attempt at the first five lines (beyond that I recognise so few that it’s plain not worth it…)

1 Kirk
2 Spock
3 Bones
4 Uhura
5 Sulu
6 Chekov
7 Scotty
8 Yeoman Rand
9 Nurse Chapel
10 …Uh
11 …Some Dude
12 …Some Other Dude
13 Arex
14 M’Ress
15 Harry Mudd
16 Evil Mirror Kirk
17 Evil Mirror Spock
18 Gorn
19 T’Pau
20 Mugato!
21 Khan
22 Orion Slave Girl
23 …I recognise this guy but can’t name him…
24 …Richard Simmons?

25 …Klingon
26 …Another Klingon
27 …Yet another Klingon
28 … Another damn Klingon
29 Tribbles!
30 …nope
31 Captain Pike
32 Talosian
33 …No idea
34 Horta
35 Salt Vampire
36 …Sergeant Pepper?
37 Excalbian
38 Apollo
39 Nomad
40 Trelane
41 Balok Puppet
42 Balok
43 Kirk (Motion Picture)
44 Spock (Motion Picture)
45 Bones (Motion Picture)
46 Uhura (Motion Picture)

47 Sulu (Motion Picture)
48 Chekov (Motion Picture)
49 Scotty (Motion Picture)
50 Illia
51 Decker
52 Kirk (Wrath of Khan)
53 Spock (Wrath of Khan)
54 Bones (Wrath of Khan)
55 Uhura (Wrath of Khan)
56 Sulu (Wrath of Khan)
57 Chekov (Wrath of Khan)
58 Scotty (Wrath of Khan)
59 Saavik (Wrath of Khan)
60 …Some unknown dude
61 …Spock in a dress?
62 KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
63 Dr Carol Marcus
64 David Marcus
65 Klingon Monster Dog Thing (possibly a type of Targ)
66 Kruge
67 Sarek
68 Amanda Greyson
69 …Dunno
70 …Some Chick

71 Kirk (Voyage Home)
72 Spock (Voyage Home)
73 Bones (Voyage Home)
74 Uhura (Voyage Home)
75 Sulu (Voyage Home)
76 Chekov (Voyage Home)
77 Scotty (Voyage Home)
78 Admiral Cartwright
79 Federation President
80 Sybok
81 General Chang
82 Chancellor Gorkon
83 Valeris
84 …The Smoking Man?
85 …Random Klingon
86 …Bruce K Tedesco
87 …Daniel Flintstone
88 …Unknown
89 Jean Luc Picard
90 Data
91 Riker (God damn I hate that bastard…)
92 Worf
93 Dr Crusher

94 La Forge
95 Troi
96 Tasha Yar
97 Weenus (uh, I mean Wesley, of course…)
98 O’Brian
99 …Whatsisface
100 Ro Loren
101 Guinan
102 Q
103 Lore
104 Noonian Soong
105 Lwaxana Troi
106 Mr Hom
107 Alexander Son of Worf
108 K’Ehleyr
109 … Justin Bieber?
100 Dr Pulaski
111 …Short Chick
112 …Pale Dude
113 Dixon Hill
114 Locutus of Borg
115 Moriarty
116 Dr Watson (Geordi)
117 Sherlock Holmes (Data)
118 Spot

I’ma to stupid too think for maself!

Google is ruining everything!

I haven’t been posting much, or answering emails or anything lately because work has been hellish. It should calm down after today though. I hope.

On the subject of work we got a call this morning from a woman who’d placed an order on one of our affiliated florist websites. She was extremely upset as she’d placed the order for delivery on Sunday, but the confirmation email came back to her saying that it would be delivered on Monday (as the florist involved doesn’t deliver on Sundays).

After calming her down some we got the full story. She typed “perth florists that deliver on Sunday” (or something similar) into Google. Our site came up number one, so she put her order through – apparently missing the numerous large notices all over the bloody site saying that we don’t deliver on Sundays. The very notices that got the site ranked so high on Google for “deliver on Sundays”!

Apparently reading or even basic intelligence isn’t required for living any more – you just type your concerns into Google and throw money at the first site returned. Sheeze!!

SPISPOPD

We can’t stop here, this is mondegreen country…

While we’re on the subject of Disarm, I discovered the other day that the song does not go…

…bitterness, the one whose laugh I loathe…

and in fact goes

…bitterness, the one who’s left alone…

Billy Corgan is clearly nowhere near the songwriter that I imagined him to be 😀

Soundalikes

PAY FOR THE BLOODY SONG!

There are two ads that are really annoying me at the moment. Not because of the products they’re advertising (although car ads, as these are, annoy me anyway), and not because of the inane claims they make about said cars (because you really need a racing pedigree engine to run down to the shops), but because of their music.

Both adds use absolutely blatent soundalikes.

A soundalike is what you get when an advertising executive decides they want to use a particular song in their ad but are refused permission by the artist, or simply don’t want to pay for the rights. So they hire some poor schlob to write and record a song that’s close enough to the orignal to sound like it while being just different enough to avoid lawsuits.

Basically it’s a legal way of bastardising a song for commercial purposes.

The songs ripped off in these two ads are Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins, and Packing Blankets by the Eels. Disarm – being a fine example of the Pumpkins’ bleak milieu – may seem like an odd choice for advertising anything apart from selective seretonin reuptake inhibitors, but they’ve ripped off the power chords and matched them with moody shots of their pestilential vehicle while a serious voice over person makes pretentious statements about how seriously awesome it is. The Packing Blankets add is full of shots of happy families driving to the beach and having picnics and things, with the car front and centre in each shot.

Both ads drive me to distraction. I find myself yelling “PAY FOR THE BLOODY SONG YOU BASTARDS!” at the TV every time they come on.

It’s my problem. I’ll have to deal with it.

Later: OK, the ad that rips off the Eels is actually for a land development up at Alkimos. Shows how well it held my attention doesn’t it?

A Yelp of Protest

Anti-virus programs are really just a conspiracy anyway… ;D

When I bought my new computer about a year ago it came (as is normal) with an anti-virus program installed – specifically BitDefender. Although I wasn’t familiar with this particular AV I decided to go with it, since I’d already paid for it and all and I’m a lazy bastard who couldn’t be bothered changing to something else.

As a BitDefender customer over the last year I have not been overly impressed. I mean, it worked – I haven’t (as far as I know) been infected with anything – but I was not filled with confidence. The program was always really slow to respond (you click to open it and have to wait for twenty seconds) and would crash completely out of the blue on a regular basis. But I stuck with it, for both the reasons above and because I don’t *need* a fantastically effective internet security suite as I run a pretty tight ship – I don’t download random programs, I surf with Javascript and Java switched off, I keep my OS and browser updated, I avoid dodgy sites, I don’t do social networking, I can recognise the difference between http and https and I scan all my email up on the server before downloading. On occasion I even boot into Ubuntu and scan my drives with ClamAV. I mean, I’m not immune to attack by any means, but I am tougher nut to crack than the average pleb.

So this week my BitDefender license expired. After considering switching to another program I decided it was simplest to renew it. I thought the renewal process might even fix some of the issues with speed and stability. So, off to the BitDefender site I went.

I put all my info in, chose PayPal as my payment method and submitted…

The site crashed.

Great. That’s really reassuring guys.

I decided to be charitable and assume there was problem with their PayPal integration (PayPal integration *is* a major pain). I reloaded the site in a fresh window, re-entered my data and chose to pay by credit card. I submitted, and the site crashed with exactly the same cryptic error message.

Two strikes, and out! Frack’em.

I’ve uninstalled BitDefender and am currently downloading a different AV program – one I’ve used in the past and had no problems with. Stick with what you know people!

PS: No Alice on Coast the other night. Boo!

A List That Will Certainly Grow

Too much information?

And while I’m messing around with iTunes the following songs are currently rated at 5 stars…

Dancing Queen – ABBA
Waterloo – ABBA
Janie’s Got a Gun – Aerosmith
Girl from Mars – Ash
Brandenburg Concerto No 3 Allegro – Bach
The Shape of Things to Come – Bear McCreary
Something Dark is Coming – Bear McCreary
Summer Rain – Belinda Carlisle
Annie Waits – Ben Folds
At the Bottom of Everything – Bright Eyes
Time after Time – Cyndi Lauper
Serenity – David Newman
Heaven  – DJ Sammy
Santa Monica – Everclear
Det Snurrar I Min Skalle – Familjen
Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
Walk Like a Man – Franki Valli and the Four Seasons
Palaces of Montezuma – Grinderman
Sweet Child o’ Mine – Guns n Roses
Arrival of the Queen of Sheba – Handel
Throw Your Arms Around Me – Hunters and Collectors
Gimme Sympathy – Metric
Bomb the World (Armageddon Version) – Michael Franti and Spearhead
Temple of Love (1992) – Sisters of Mercy
Copperhead Road – Steve Earl
The Winner Takes It All – The Black Sweden
The Jeep Song – The Dresden Dolls
Girl Anachronism – The Dresden Dolls
Lock It – The Falling Joys
3.A.M Eternal (Live at the S.S.L.) – The KLF
Last Train to Trancentral (LP Mix) – The KLF
What Time is Love? (LP Mix) – The KLF
America, What Time is Love? – The KLF
Hymn to Her – The Pretenders
How Soon is Now? – The Smiths
Tender is the Night (The Long Fidelity) – The Triffids
Wide Open Road – The Triffids
Hold On – Tom Waits
What’s He Building in There? – Tom Waits
Gloria in Excelsis Deo – Vivaldi

That needs some serious additions…

PS: Alisen Down in Stargate Universe! Woot! 😀

Listen and Learn

I’m talkin’ to you baby! I’m talkin’ to you sugar!

All you people listenin’ tonight! Yes I’m that preacher everybody’s talking about! I’m Doctor Williams givin’ out them red hot lessons, ten dollars, New York and New Jersey every week, all the way down the east coast! From Boston clean down to Atlanta Georgia last week! I told down the east coast!

Do somethin’ to help you, do somethin’ to help yourself!

Come get your mojo hey! Go down Atlantic City and be a winner! Go down to Atlantic City come back fat as a rat! Why should you be a loser when you can be a winner? Yes ma’am, yes sir!

Brooklyn New York! Brooklyn New York! Get ready! Doctor Williams will be in Brooklyn New York, tomorrow evening, Monday evening, 6 pm until 8 pm. I’m talkin’ to the hot red hot big money blessing straight! And you be there 6 o’clock tomorrow evening!

Bronx New York! Get on the telephone and call 50 of your friends! Tell all your friends who need some help! Doctor Williams is comin’ to the Bronx New York! Doctor Williams is comin’ to the Bronx New York!

Doctor Williams will be in the Bronx New York with a straight, straight hot! Hot hot hot hot! Red hot! Big money blessing! Can’t nobody can stop me! Not even the dead in hell can’t stop me!

I’ll get ready to leave tonight! I want you to know, I love you! I’m talkin’ to you baby! I’m talkin’ to you sugar! Listen, Doctor William’s car comin’ down man! I love you! I love you!

I have a special phone number, where you can call me, so that I can send you a special gift…

(Listen)

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