Purple Wyrm – Page 95

Cognitive Dissonance, World Without End

Maybe it happened, but we just didn’t notice?

So, May 21st has come and gone and the world didn’t end. Presumably all those people who believed Harold Camping’s numerological interpretations of the Bible will now realise he’s a nut, switch off Family Radio and go and do something useful with their lives. Right?

Wrong. Why? Because of a little thing called Cognitive Dissonance.

Cognitive Dissonance is what happens when a person absolutely, positively believes something, and then reality doesn’t live up to those expectations. Confronted with evidence completely blowing their beliefs apart most people simply won’t be able to discard their beliefs. This is both because of the way neural pathways work in the brain, and the sheer amount of investment a true believer puts into their creed. What kind of investment? I’m glad you asked.

Keeping with the example of Harold Camping, some of his followers will have blown everything they have on his prophecy. They will have shed their physical assets – selling their homes and businesses and emptying their bank accounts to fund his message and spread the word, aiming to “save” as many people as possible. They will have also burned up all their social capital, proclaiming to their families, their friends, their neighbours, their workmates, colleagues and random people on the street that they’re right, and anyone who disagrees will be literally damned for their foolishness. Many will have severely damaged – if not totally destroyed – important relationships with their parents, children, friends and families. They’ve thrown everything they have into the belief system, and to turn around and admit that they were wrong, and it was all for nothing is just far, far too difficult and far too painful for most human minds to come to terms with.

So, what will happen?

They’ll come up with an excuse. A compromise. Their brains will turn the facts over and over again until they figure out a modification to their belief system that prevents their sacrifices and investment from being in vain, while still admitting that the end of the world didn’t happen. The classic excuse for failed end-of-the-world predictions is that God (or whoever/whatever) was so impressed by the believers’ actions that he decided to spare the world for a bit longer and called off the destruction. We’ll have to wait and see what will eventuate in this case, but it’s a fairly good stab at whatever the dominant excuse will be.

So, Harold Camping will keep on crunching his numbers, and Family Radio will keep spreading it’s messages to a slightly smaller, but still substantial flock. The same as human belief has ever been, and ever shall be, world without end.

Apocalypse Now?

No, not really.

Well it’s gone 6:00 here in Australia and I’m still here. No angels striding across the landscape sparking earthquakes and sweeping the righteous into heaven.

I guess ol’ Harold Camping is going to have to go back to his number crunching.

Babylon 5

I can’t take credit for this, sadly

I don’t think you know what that means…

You use that word a lot…

From WA Today

A mini-tornado has ripped through Canning Vale and heavy showers have caused dangerous flooding on the roads after a strong cold front passed through Perth this morning. A Canning Vale resident told ABC radio that the storm was “like the eye of a cyclone” as the tornado tore through.

Umm actually, no, it wasn’t.

Return of the Stovepipe Jimmies

I’m so very sorry…

Well, it would appear that we have an unconscionable scoundrel in Lincoln Park!

He’s entering via one’s windows,
He’s snatching one’s people up,
Using them most horribly,
One had best hide one’s children,
Hide one’s wife,
Hide one’s children,
Hide one’s wife,
Hide one’s children,
Hide one’s wife,
And if applicable hide one’s husband,
For they’re violating all in this place!

The perpetrator need not hand himself in,
For we are seeking him out!
We shall find you sir!
We shall find you sir!
So one may inform this,
One may run and inform this,
Run and inform this scoundrel!
Scoundrel!

We posses your clothing,
You have left behind your fingerprints,
You are a fool! Your are a fool sir!
The perpetrator escaped but left evidence,
She was assaulted by some bounder in the projects!
Bounder! Bounder! Bounder! Bounder!

Imaginary Language Relay Number One

The Fable of the Ships
(After 8 rounds of translation)

A newly wed Bride went to visit a Wizard.

“Why do we call down the stars upon our ships?” she asked

“We put the stars on our great sails as lanterns to guide our ships to safe harbour” he answered.

“What about those that sink?” she asked

“When an evil sorceror climbs to a high point to cast a spell, he throws a burning brand into the sea” explained the wizard

“Can this magic only be done at night?” asked the Bride

“If I had only a little more knowledge I would turn you into a frog!” answered the Wizard

“That would be good” said the Bride

The Great Fleet
(Original Text)

A young girl was speaking with her Great-Father.

“Why do we call the stars the Great Fleet?”

“The stars are the mast-lanterns of the Great-Parents. They shine in the night to guide our spirits home.”

“And what of falling stars?”

“Sometimes when one of the Great-Parents climbs the mast to light the lantern they drop their taper and it falls into the ocean.”

“Then why don’t falling stars appear only at dusk?”

“Don’t be too clever little one, or the Great-Parents will turn you into a seal-pup!”

“I’ll be good!”

Exploring the Lost City

Cycling and Urbex

OK, I didn’t watc h Eurovision last night, and I’m not going to watch it tonight either – I cycled 30km today and need a good lie down as soon as possible. We all know who won anyway, those unbearable Azerbaijanis. Honestly Europe, what’s wrong with you?

As for cycling 30kms, I caught up with Ryan today and we went out to explore a site near his place that – for lack of a better name – I’m calling the Lost City. It’s pretty amazing – photos will be up as soon as I have the energy. We then moved on to an abandoned airforce base – which is nowhere near as cool as it sounds, although we did find some interesting bits and pieces.

In any case it’s the longest ride I’ve done in ages and I am now suffering for it, with various parts of my body complaining loudly. As soon as Merlin is over I’m taking some paracetemol and going to bed 🙂

Hello Dusseldorf!

Viva Helvetica!

In years past I’ve tried to write comprehensive reviews of the Eurovision Song Contest – the first semi-finals of which were broadcast here in Australia last night. I have to admit that I haven’t been very good at this – the constraints of work, grocery shopping, cleaning cooking and all the other daily distractions have left me with little opportunity to rattle off crystaline prose about Norwegians punks playing violins (or whatever).

So this year I’m just jotting down some disparate, stream of conciousness thoughts about each act, and giving them all a rating. Deal with it!

My ratings are from 0 to 5, with the following definitions…

0 – I sincerely never want to hear this crap again! Kill it with fire!
1 – This song is either dull, or annoying or both, and has nothing to recommend it.
2 – A generally poor effort. There are a few decent bits but overall this song fails to impress.
3 – A passable effort, but nothing particularly special.
4 – Now this is a good song. I approve!
5 – This is awesome! 12 Points!

So, on to semi-final 1!

Poland
Sounds suspiciously like Tainted Love. In Polish which is good. Some problematic lighting choices makes the women look like they have glowing crotches. 3 out of 5

Norway
It’s in Swahili??? OK, Swahili and English. Hmmm, she sounds a bit off key – the bits where the other singers are backing her up are a lot better. It’s very Lion King, but kind of catchy. 3 out of 5

Albania
Singer looks like the Albanian version of P!nk. Kind of slow to get going. It picks up a bit more in the chorus, but it’s not grabbing me. Very tense and angsty. That’s it! It sounds like an Alanis Morrisete song! It’s pure Albanian Alanis! 2.5 out of 5

Armenia
A boxing glove!? What!? In English. A bit off key in parts. Oh good lord! That chorus! It’s completely at odds with the verses yet still utterly dreadful! OK, that boxing ring bit is kind of clever, but the song still sucks. Hmm, apparently the rehersal performance was a lot better – which wouldn’t be hard. 2 out of 5

Turkey
Rock song. In English. It’s OK but nothing special. And what’s with the girl(?) in the cage? Singer reminds me of the guy from Wall of Voodoo. 3 out of 5

Serbia
Very 60’s mod style. Quite good, although it reminds me pretty strongly of some other song I can’t pick. In Serbian, which is a plus. 3.5 out of 5

Russia
First up, one of the dancers looks like that weasely guy from Con Air. Steve Buscimi! That’s him! A moody intro before a rock pop boy-band song. In English. The chorus isn’t bad – until it hits the last bar and goes straight into Backstreet Boys territory. “Puts my mind in the dirty zone”? Really? 3 out of 5

Switzerland
A ukelele! Awesome! In English. It’s not spectacular, but I’m quite liking this. Again it really reminds me of another song. Well done Switzerland! 4 out of 5

Georgia
Liking it so far. Wow, that’s one serious set of pipes! Fairly heavy sounding rock. Oh dear. Well. It was going quite well until they started rapping. You’re not Linkin Park guys! Hmmm, parts of it were excellent. 3.5 out of 5

Finland
Paradise Oskar? What? Coldplay sounding intro. Oh man. Those lyrics are… awful. Yes, it’s clearly a Coldplay song with dreadful lyrics. Should have done it in Finish, then no one would be able to tell. Oh well, maybe it’ll appeal to the sentimental market. Creepy smile at end – he looks like a sex offender! 1.5 out of 5

Malta
Good intro. Oh wow, it’s techno. No, wait, it’s Tainted Love again! Not spectacular, but a decent dance track. Oo! Piano break! And there’s the key change! 3.5 out of 5

San Marino
A ballad apparently. Lush opening, though she sounds a bit off key. Now she’s really sounding off key! Song is nothing special really. Loses half a point for consistant off-keyness. 2.5 out of 5

Croatia
What the?! What’s with the guy in the top hat?! What is this?! Ah! It’s a trashy Europop track! About time, we haven’t had one so far! I still want to know what’s up with hat dude though, he’s creeping around like a humaoid mantis. Oo! Costume change! Aha! Key change! Here comes hat dude again for… a third costume change! What a waste of time. – 2.5 out of 5

Iceland
There’s a sad story behind this one. The intended singer died a few weeks before the local semi’s, so his friends got together and sang it instead. Sounds like a Beatles track – a Paul one though. Nothing spectacular, but not bad. Will probably punch higher than its weight from sympathy votes. – 3.5 out of 5

Hungary
Sounds suspiciously like a Celine Dion rock ballad. Oh yeah, Celine all over. Hmmm, a verse in Hungarian. Wait for the key change…. What!? No key change!? Celine would be appalled! 3.5 out of 5

Portugal
Oh wow, they’re in weird, Village People style costumes and have placards. Song is sort of Portugese protest folk pop. Compentent performance, but… weird. And not good weird. I don’t usually say this, but it might have been better in English so we could tell what they hell they’re trying to say. It’s like watching sub-standard Hi-Five, but hey, at least they tried something different. 3 out of 5

Lithuania
An operatic ballad apparently. Ouch, lyrics appear to be in badly broken English. Very musical – as in something you’d hear in a musical. I can tell it’s a good performance, but it’s just not my kind of music. 3 out of 5

Azerbaijan
Lots of “Oh Oh”. Ack, it’s a duet. And one that’s a bit flat too. Hmmm, pretty average pop ballad. Nothing to see here folks, move along. 2 out of 5

Greece
Here come the drums. What? It’s some guy growling things into a mic? Like an angry rapper? And now some other guy singing? What the hell is this? And now we’re back to the growling. You know this could actually work with a bit more integration, but as it stands it’s a mess. Of course the Greeks have a history of winning with absolute garbage, so we’ll see how they go. 2 out of 5

So there we go. I plan to watch the second semi-final tonight and write up a similar review, and the final tomorrow. Let the good times roll!

Tropes on the Ropes

In the grim darkness of the future there are only wiki edits

TV Tropes, was there ever a a better website for losing yourself in? You start at 9:00 in the morning reading up about your favourite movie and the next time you glance at the clock it’s 11:00 at night and you realise you’ve been absent mindedly been chewing on your own arm for sustenance while reading about Brian Blessed.

(Sorry. BRIAN BLESSED!!)

For quite some time one of my (and my friends’) favourite TV Tropes pages has been the one about Warhammer 40k, which does a fantastic job of explaining exactly what the setting is all about, all the time being side-achingly hilarious. So I went to check up on it the other day…

Oh the Horror!!

What was so great about the old page was that it was hilarious, accurate and subtle. A number of ridiculously insane things were discussed in an even, meaured, calm tone, sort of like Stephen Fry lecturing you on the complete works of Stan Deyo. Now it’s like a raving lunatic (or for that matter Stan Deyo) running up and screaming in your face about the complete works of Stan Deyo. It’s informative, sure, but nowhere near as enjoyable.

Or maybe it’s like the difference between a glass of well aged scotch by the fireplace in a well stocked library versus a vodka UDL by the toilets in a high octane nightclub.

Now I tried accessing the history of the page to try and recover my preferred version of the text, but the wiki software used by TV Tropes is strange and confusing to me. So rather than engage in further faffing about I decided to use my extraordinarily powerful memory to try and reconstruct it. So, here it goes, the classic version of TV Tropes’ Warhammer 40k page…

(Well, the important bit anyway)

Thirty-eight thousand years in the future, the mighty Imperium of Man has expanded across the galaxy… to discover that the galaxy is a Hell that would make Hieronymous Bosch crap himself in terror, and it has a Hell. From without, the Imperium is besieged by innumerable hordes of alien monsters from the farthest abysses of space, soulless death-machines and nightmare daemons (as well as nightmare death-machines and soulless daemons, and the occasional nightmare daemon in a soulless death machine); from within, treachery, heresy, plain ignorance and the festering infectious taint that is Chaos threaten to rip it into uncountable pieces.

Warhammer 40,000 is not a happy place. Rather than just being Darker and Edgier, it soaks itself in light-absorbing paint, straps on a jetpack and hurls itself over the edge, screaming IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY WARRRRRRGH! The Imperium of Man is a totalitarian, oppressive, stark, and downright sucky place to live where, for far too many people, living isn’t something to do till you die, but something to suffer through till something comes around and kills you in an unbelievably horrible way, while torturing your soul and melting down your body for biomass – and it’s quite probably something on your own side. The Messiah has been locked up on life support for the past ten millennia, laid low by his most beloved son, and an incomprehensibly vast Church Militant commits hourly atrocities in his name.

The problem is, as bad as the Imperium is, they’re not quite as bad as many of the other factions. Death is about the best you can hope for against the vast majority of the other major players in the battlefields of the 41st Millennium. The basic premise of 40k, insofar as it can be summed up, is that of an eternal, impossibly vast conflict between a number of absurdly powerful genocidal, xenocidal, and (in one case) omnicidal factions, with every single weapon, ideology and creative piece of nastiness imaginable turned up to eleven. The 40k universe is a spectacularly brutal playground of tropes and horrible things taken to their absolute extreme, and in some cases, beyond. Entire planets with populations of billions are lost due to rounding errors in tax returns. Orders a million strong of capricious, fanatical, genetically engineered Super Soldier Knights Templar serve as the Imperium’s special forces, while the trillions of soldiers in its regular armies take disregard for human life to new and interesting extremes. A futuristic space Inquisition ruthlessly hunts down anyone with even a hint of the taint of the heretic, the mutant, or the alien, and is backed up by legions of psychic daemonhunting elite super-soldiers and fanatical pyromaniac power-armoured battle nuns. The standard-issue sidearm of a Space Marine is a fully automatic armour-piercing rocket-propelled grenade launcher. The Astronomican, a navigation aid has the souls of thousands of psychic humans sacrificed to it every day, dying to feed the machine. The faster than light travel used by most factions carries with it a good chance of being eaten by daemons. The ancient and mysterious manipulator-race contrive wars that see billions dead so that small handfuls of their own may survive, while their depraved cousins literally cannot endure the agony of a life not spent torturing numberless innocents to death in ingeniously horrific ways. There are several vast Bug Swarms trying to eat every organic thing in the galaxy, light-years-wide holes in reality through which countless daemons and corrupted daemon-powered super-soldiers periodically attempt to destroy the universe, and an entire civilization of undying omnicidal maniacs serving their star-god masters’ desire to exterminate all living creatures, down to the last bacterium. There’s a genetically-engineered survivor warrior species infesting every corner of the galaxy and cheerfully trying to kill everything (including each other if nothing better presents itself) because it’s literally hard-wired into their genetic code to do so and because it’s fun. The closest thing to the “good guys” you can find in this setting is a tiny alien empire sandwiched between all the other factions – and they may or may not have a thing for forcing new subjects into their empire through orbital bombardment and concentration camps, but at least they’ll offer you admittance into their club. Everywhere there are chainsaw swords, BFG’s, armored gloves that crush tanks, mountain-sized daemonic walking battle cathedrals, tanks the size of city blocks and warships that level continents, if not simply obliterating all life on an entire planet just to be sure. And sometimes even that doesn’t work. There is no time for peace, no respite, no forgiveness; there is only war.

There. that’s much better!

(The version of the Warhammer 40,000 text above is of course licenced under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License. In other words it came from TV Tropes and you can do what you like with it as long as you let everyone else do the same.)

Well obviously we have a rapist (sympathiser) at Notre Dame (maybe)

Religious University. Yeah, that’s a great idea…

OK, first up this is hearsay and should be taken as such. It’s something I heard and should be regarded as such, not as a proven fact. Exact wording, meaning and context are vital in these kind of situations, so take this with a grain of salt, and several grains of common sense and restraint.

Disclaimer over.

The brother of someone I know attends Notre Dame university down in Fremantle. He claims that earlier this week one of his lecturers said that “the pain of rape brings people closer to god, and that’s a good thing”.

As stated above I don’t know the context of this comment, or even if it’s accurate. But if it is accurate then this guy needs a good swift kick up the arse, and should not be instructing students in anything other than basket weaving.

Let the investigations begin.