Author: Purple Wyrm

Booragoon Boys

The following message was submitted through the contact form of an accountancy firm that happens to be one of our clients…

Sick cunt sick cunt looking for a figggght. Two options, suckit lickit. Booragoon boys already back in towwwwn. ECEM

I can’t decide if this is utterly appalling or the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.

Pigeon Girl

Fly, fly, pigeon girl, my beautiful pigeon girl,
When I see you flying,
I think about the birds in the sky,
But you’re better than them ’cause you’re pigeon,
And pigeon has much nicer eye,

You’re Maltese,
Just like me,
And like Nathan Buck-a-ley,
And you’re also like that other Maltese person,
Darren Gauci,
He might win the Caulfield Cup,
But I don’t mind,
Because,
All in all for me,
You are my pigeon girl,

Fly, fly, pigeon girl,
Fly for me?

Bye-Bye,

This – I hesitate to call it a ‘song’ – was submitted as a theme for the Pigeon Racing segment on Triple J’s breakfast show in the early 2000s, despite the fact that the Triple J breakfast show did not have (and never has had) a pigeon racing segment. It has lived rent free in my head ever since.

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You gotta love spam emails that use text spinning…

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I Can Quit Any Time I like!

For my own reference I shall now attempt to list every unfinished 40k model and/or project I have lying around. Hopefully this will motivate me to get some of them finished, or at least stop me from starting any more.

(Ha!)

Tanks and APCs
1x Kitbashed Church Tank
1x Scratchbuilt A7V Tank
1x Kragmeer Ice Chimera
1x Malcador Defender
4x Chimeras
1x Leman Russ
1x Baneblade
1x Buran Class Chimera
2x Scylla Light Tanks
Imperial Guard Bastiladon with 3 Crew

Aircraft
Avenger Strike Fighter
Valkyrie

Infantry
Kitbashed Valhallan Colonel
Giant Ogryn with Ratling sniper in a crows nest
9x Penal Troopers and 1x Overseer
Kill Team Veteran Guardsmen Box
23x Kitbashed Conscripts
Commissar
Cadian Standard Bearer
Valhallan Standard Bearer
3x Psykers
1x Primaris Psyker
8x Ratling Snipers
3x Assorted Inquisitors
Vindicare Assassin (Metal)
Calidus Assassin (Metal)
Culexus Assassin (Metal)
Eversor Assassin (Metal)
Venenum Assassin (Kitbashed)
11x Kitbashed Veterans
3x Tankers (Metal)
2x Astropaths
1x Tech Priest
5x Weapon Servitors
2x Cawdor Gangers (Metal)
1x Crusader
2x Valhallan Officers
2x Ministorum Priests
62 Assorted Metal Valhallans
3x Medics
2x Ogryn Cyborgs
2x Imperial Soldiers (Metal)
2x Death Cult Assassins
1x Metal Sister Dialogus 😮
3x Acolytes
1x Daemonhost
2x Fleet Officers
2x Artillery Officers
1x Knight Pilot
10x Orlocks
Various Cadians
Valhallan Artillery Crew (inc. Ammunition Bear)
1x Space Marine (Just the One!)
Various Kitbashed Squats
Several Forge World Death Korps of Krieg
10x Naval Breachers

Artillery and Special Weapons
Imperial Thud Gun
Valhallan Heavy Mortar Team
2x Basilisk
1x Deathstrike/Manticore
1x Hellhound
2x Valhallan Bolter Teams
3x Valhallan Autocannon Teams
2x Valhallan Lascannon Teams
3x Valhallan Missile Launcher Teams
2x Valhallan Mortar Teams
Various Unspecified Valhallan Weapon Teams

Kitbashed Inquisitor and Retinue
Ordo Malleus Inquisitor Andreus Eldrict
Astra Militarum Medic Dr Jeep
Death Cult Assassin Lucretia
Adeptus Mechanicus Pilot 2-5-0-0-0
Weapon Servitor Doktor Avalanche
Crusader Brother Torquemada
Bound Psyker “Alice” (AKA The Vision Thing)
Cyber-Mastiff Napalm
Cherubim Servitor Icke
Navigator Marianne Cedd
Savant Aegypt Hwaite
Inquisitorial Shuttle Soror Misericordum

Special Characters
Knight Commander Pask
Saint Sabbat (Kitbashed)
Inquisitor Eisenhorn
Sly Marbo (Official)
Sly Marbo (Kitbashed)
Inquisitor Obiwan Sherlock Clouseau (Kitbashed)
Commissar Severina Raine
Sister Superior Amalia Novena
5x Gaunt’s Ghosts (Plastic)
6x Gaunt’s Ghosts (Metal)
Vermin Supreme
Junith Erutia (on foot)
Space Marine Pilot
2x Last Chancers (Metal)

Xenos
1x Necron Pariah
1x Sslyth
2x Phyrr Cats
2x Phelynx
2x Ripper Swarms
1x Medusea
1x Genestealer
1x Grox
10x Kroot
2x Kroot Hounds
1x Kroot Hawk

Epic Models
Warlord Titan
Emperor Titan
Overlord Airship
Goliath Mega Cannon
Leviathan
Mole
Mole Carrier
Capitol Imperialis

Others
16x Metal Seraphim
1x Imperial Knight
4x Sentinels
Bear Cavalry (BEAR CAVALRY!)
Kitbashed Walker/Stomper
1x Man of Iron
5x Servo Skulls
1x Giant Servo Skull
1x GheistSkull
1x C.A.T Unit
Kitbashed Squat Trike
Entire Space Hulk set
Metal Chaos Dwarf

A Random Selection of Truly Excellent Lyrics

I drive ’round cities in a chariot,
I get preferential treatment at the Marriott,
— “Record Collection” Mark Ronson and the Business Intl

The New South Wales right have cocks like mastodons
— “Dicktatorship”, TISM

Now you’re the only one here who can tell me if it’s true,
That you love me, and I love me,
— “Kiss me, Son of God”, They Might be Giants

I don’t think there are any Russians,
And there ain’t no Yanks,
Just corporate criminals,
Playin’ with tanks,
— “The Walls Came Down”, The Call

You see the ANZAC legend neglected to mention,
The mud, the fear, the blood, the tears, the tension,
Dad’s recollection, beyond comprehension,
Didn’t seem quite real until we were sent in,
— “I was only 19”, The Herd

Überheblich, überlegen,
Übernehmen, übergeben,
Überraschen, überfallen,
Deutschland, Deutschland über allen,
— “Deutschland”, Rammstein

Music was a product, now it is a service,
Major record labels, why you trying to hurt us?
— “Download this Song”, MC Lars

I volunteered for the Army on my birthday,
They draft the white trash first round here anyway,
— “Copperhead Road”, Steve Earl

There is no horizon I cannot set my eyes on,
— “The Ocean”, Lemon Demon

God bless the people in New York when they were attacked,
God bless the children being bombed there in Iraq,
God bless the goddamn junkie with a monkey on his back,
God bless everybody under the sun,
— “Something’s Gotta Give”, John Butler Trio

Watching for signs in an empty sky,
We never thought that the rain would fall as the years went by,
— “Children of the Sky”, Mike Batt

Scatman, fat man, black and white and brown man,
Tell me ’bout the color of your soul,
— “Scatman’s World”, Scatman John

Is that what love is?
Two minds with different constellations
Fitting in to light up the sky
— “Octopus”, Alex the Astronaut

I met my bebop baby at the Union Hall,
She could dance all night and shake the paint off the walls,
— “And we Danced”, the Hooters

Tonight,
The sky above us,
Dark and wondrous,
How could you be unsure?
— “Wild Surf”, Ash

The Saga of Denys the Four Eyed

Right side of nose sore and inflamed from glasses nose-pad.

Visit doctor. Doctor says change to soft pads.

Visit glasses store. Gets pads changed to soft.

Right side of nose still sore and inflamed.

Decide I have to put up with it.

Start applying band-aids to protect side of nose.

Spend months applying band-aids to protect side of nose.

Right side of nose still sore and inflamed.

Today – take off glasses to apply band-aid. Glance at glasses resting on table.

Right nose-pad arm is bent inwards at about 45 degrees.

Carefully bend right nose-pad arm back to match left nose-pad arm.

Put on glasses.

Fit perfectly with no pressure on side of nose.

“OH, SON OF A…”

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