New Computers, Treasure Hunts and Toast! Oh My!

And Dan Abnett

Well, yesterday I paid a one third deposit on a new computer to replace the weather-beaten old box I’ve been working on for the last eight years or so. On the one hand this is great – I won’t have to wait five minutes for it to boot up in the morning or load a program, and I’ll be able to get back into gaming a bit – maybe check out some of those MMOs the young people are all talking about (*grin*). On the other hand I have a certain sentimental attachment to my old box, it almost feels like a betrayal to discard it for a shiny new model (this is of course completely nuts :).

I don’t have the full specs with me, but the processor is an Intel i7-860 and I’m getting 8 Gigs of 1600 Mhz memory, so it should probably do me for another eight years or so. I should be able to pick it up on Thursday, then I can spend a few weeks trying to get all my data across.

Computer excitement aside my life for the last few weeks has pretty much been limited to work and organising an Amazing Race style cryptic treasure hunt through the CBD. I’ve wanted to do something like this ever since my brother lent me a book – possibly by Poppy Z. Bright? – years and years ago that involved a similar race through London (In the book the game was being run by a bunch of evil, rich, land-owning bastards and the penalty for failure was death. I’m being a bit nicer about things :).

With luck I’ll be running the game in mid-April. Results will probably be blogged here at some point.

In the last few days I’ve also been reading one of Dan Abnett’s Gaunt’s Ghosts novels after discovering it on my way to work on Friday morning, buried in a pile of books dumped by the letter boxes. I always take time out to have a quick look through any piles of discarded books – I almost never find anything worth keeping, this was thus a pleasant surprise. I’m quite enjoying it – not a book I would have gone out of my way to buy, but certainly a bargain at the price (my 40k-reading-heart of course forever belongs to CIAPHUS CAIN – HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!! πŸ™‚

Finally I’ve been promising my friends I’d blog about this for ages. On Skype a few weeks back we (somehow) got onto the subject of who we’d cast in a Team Fortress Two movie. We eventually settled on the following folk…

For the Demo-Man, Fabes insisted we cast Don Cheadle. I have no idea who Don Cheadle is, but Fabes says he looks the part and could do a kick-ass Scottish accent, which is good enough for me.

As the Heavy, our top choice is Paul Wight, better known as wrestling’s “The Big Show”. If he wasn’t available Vin Diesel could probably do a decent job, or failing him Yahoots Magoondi.

Given his brilliant performance as the Shoveler in Mystery Men (and just about anything else he’s ever been in) we agreed that William H. Macy would make a great Engineer. If he wasn’t available we’d see if Nathan Fillion could do a Texan accent.

Opinions on The Medic were split. Ryan and I favoured Neil Patrick Harris, based on his performance in the title role of Doctor Horrible’s Sing Along Blog. Fabes wasn’t so sure, and suggested this guy. Sure, he doesn’t look much like the Medic and we don’t actually have any idea who he is, but he seems to be an actor, and we think he’s probably German.

We were kind of stuck on the Sniper until Fabes made the brilliant intuitive leap to offer the part to Hugh Laurie. He bears an eerie physical resemblance to the character, and if he can do such a perfect American accent in House he should have no problem producing the strangulated cockney that seems to pass for Australian over at Valve.

The Spy was another problematic role. We eventually settled on Bruce Spence – the guy who portrayed the Mouth of Sauron in The Return of the King – on the basis that he has a big mouth.

The Scout had us baffled for a while, until someone suggested we grab a time machine and hire a young Jim Carey. Perfect!

Fabes was very keen on going right back to the source and casting R. Lee Emery from Full Metal Jacket as the Soldier. Personally I thought Vincent D’onofrio (who, surprisingly, was in the same movie) might be a good choice. If neither was available we agreed that a younger Jack Nicolson would be a great choice.

Finally the Pyro. I suggested Andy Sirkus on the basis that he’s used to communicating via just body language. Working by the same logic Fabes insisted on Johan Kraus from Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Not the guy who played Johan Kraus, the actual “real” Johan Kraus.

(We’re all a bit worried about Fabes… πŸ˜‰

So there we go. We’re not sure what a TF2 movie would actually be about (apart from involving Toast) but when the script is done we’ve got the cast all ready!

Good News!

Something positive for a change…

Hollis Hawthorne is back on deck!

Maybe now she can pay back that money I sent her… (joke! joke! I swear!!) πŸ˜€

On the work front I sent the boss a long email yesterday explaining why I can’t continue to do the job I find myself doing. I’m not quitting the company – I’m just divesting myself (or trying to divest myself) of some of the responsibilities I’ve been wrestling with for the last year or so.

I realised over the weekend that the reason I’ve been feeling so wrung out for months is because I’m simply not up to the task allocated to me, and the stress of trying to carry it out has been eating away at me 24/7. This is why my apartment looks like a tip, why I’m not sleeping properly and why I’ve been increasingly anti-social of late. So I’m kicking it to the curb and going back to being a simple programmer again. I hope.

I’m still waiting for a reply. Wish me luck…

Bleeeech

Hufflepuffs are excellent finders!

Ack. I have all kinds of things I want to blog about (a run down of the improv game I ran on the weekend, why the core premise of Bryron Hall’s rebuttal to the famous rpg.net F.A.T.A.L review is invalid, just what is a true Hufflepuff anyway) but work is stressing me out so much that at the end of the day I just don’t have the energy to be creative. The best I can do is fill in a few more simple articles on the FreakWiki and collapse into bed.

But I don’t like to end on a down note, so here are some songs…

Come to Australia – It’s all true!
I’m on a Boat! – Metal Style!
Sweet Caroline – Tripod!

Trials of Web Design

I’m a doctor not a gardener

Me: Hi [client]. Before I complete the booking form I need to know if more than one type of accommodation can be reserved per booking. In the meantime you can view the incomplete version of the form here [link], but please note that several sections have not yet been programmed.

Client: Hi [me]. Only one kind of accommodation can be reserved per booking. Thanks for the link to the form but we’re concerned that several important sections are missing.

1: Cancellation details: None of these are included. Please see original text and include all the paragraphs.

2: The booking dates are incorrect and should be June and July not January and February

3: Accommodation options for apartments/cottages and Backpackers are not yet included.

4: The total payment does not seem to include accommodation fees.

Please amend these urgently.

Me: What did I #@%&@*% say!!!?!!?

OK, I didn’t really email that back, but I sure would have liked to. A general inability to read what’s written in emails seems to be a common trait among web design clients and there are times you would really like to give them a serve. But, for the good of the company you swallow your rage and carry on.

Of course if you’re really good you can come up with a subtle, passive-aggressive reply that’s nice and polite on the surface but between the lines points out what illiterate morons they are.

We have to be Sssssssneaky!

Big surprise…

Here’s something interesting that’s come my way. Senator for Censorship Stephen Conroy has a blog, located at http://www.minister.dbcde.gov.au/. As is fashionable in these upstart, youngster blogs it has a tag cloud – over on the right – which displays the most common words and phrases used in said blog. All well and good.

Except you have a look at the source code. Here can be found a chunk of Javascript that generates the tag cloud, and which has a very interesting addition.

First up is a long string of phrases that can appear in the cloud. I won’t copy this in because it’s huge, but in the middle is the phrase “ISP Filtering” – the Government’s euphemism for their ridiculous net filter proposal. Further down is the code that adds up the totals for each keyword and prints out the 15 highest ranked…

for(var i=0; i<=15/*<-Important! increase this value by 1 everytime a keyword is excluded below*/; i++)
{
var z=0;
for(var j=0; j<split.length; j++)=”” {=””>
if (unique[i]==split[j]) {
z=z+1;
}
counts[i] = z;
}
var size = getTagClass(z);
//Customise the tag-cloud to display what shows up
if (unique[i] == “ISP Filtering”)
{
continue;
}
document.write(‘<a class=”‘+size+'” href=”%5C%22http://www.minister.dbcde.gov.au/search?q=%27+unique[i]+%27%22″>’+unique[i]+'</a> ‘);
}
document.write(‘</split.length;></p>’);
document.write(‘</div>’);
}

There, do you see that bit in red? That’s a neat little patch that prevents the phrase “ISP Filtering” from ever coming up in the cloud.

Fascinating no? The Government is filtering their own sites to prevent mention of their own web filter. Great work everybody!

Calling all Crabs

Ramblings and complaints

Well, we’re battening down the hatches for a major heatwave – just in time for my birthday. Oh joy! Temperatures are expected to range between 37° and 42° C until Sunday, after which they’ll drop down to a merely hellish 36° for a few days. I love this city but I hate this weather.

My work email account keeps getting spammed by the “Ruby Royale” online casino. Some strange part of my brain continually misinterprets this as “Ruby Rose”, so every morning when I come in and start sorting through the spam I get a sudden jolt of irrational excitement before sanity kicks back in. Damn spammers.

Finally I know it’s neither new or clever to make fun of Emos, but sometimes they make it so damn easy!

Pearls Before Swine

It’s lyrics time. Again.

Went out and got the Swine Flu shot today. The Government’s subsidising it to build up herd immunity, so I figured I’d better pitch in and do my bit. I feel a bit ill now, but that could just be because I went out and walked around the city for a few hours afterwards taking photos in the blazing sun (the results are up on my Flickr account).

On another subject entirely I (for some reason) was trying to remember the lyrics of TISM’s Strictly Loungeroom. There was one bit I couldn’t remember so I looked online. As usual the only lyrics available seem to have been transcribed by drunken lemurs, so I figured I’d better correct the situation….

Strictly Loungeroom

If your Luke Perry sideburns just won’t grow; that’s dancin!
If you can’t seem to dress like they do in Cosmo; that’s dancin!
You admit that you don’t like the taste of alcohol,
If you think that mull was a Paul McCartney song,

If you bough Stussy a month too late; that’s dancin!
If your parents are together and you don’t hate ’em; that’s dancin!
If you always bought a ticket for the train,
If you think that graffiti all looks the same,

Don’t give us none of your aggravation,
We’ve had it with your discipline,
Saturday night’s alright for fighting,
‘Cept when you have to stay in,
Strictly loungeroom!
Strictly loungeroom!

Then you know it’s time to get the razor blades out; that’s dancin!
Step into that noose and swing; that’s dancin!
When it’s Saturday night and you’re all by yourself,
Watching reruns of That’s Dancing,

Don’t give us none of your aggravation,
We’ve had it with your discipline,
Saturday night’s alright for fighting,
‘Cept when you have to stay in,
Strictly loungeroom!
Strictly loungeroom!

Strictly loungeroom!
Strictly loungeroom! Yeah!

That’s dancin’, yeah!
That’s dancin’, yeah!

There’s a party going on at the local church hall,
You know people going, all you gotta do is call,
Leave your empty room get out, seize the day,
But you put on ABC and foxtrot your chance away…

Enough said.

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