The African Mountain Gorilla (Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla) is a large, hairy primate mostly found in central Africa and Carteret New Jersey. It can be distinguished from the more numerous American Lowland Gorilla (Gorilla Gorilla Lindbergii) by its darker pelt, more thoughtful expression, powers of psychic invisibility and passion for basketball (the American Gorilla prefers football or hockey).
The chief notable feature of the Mountain Gorilla is its aforementioned ability to become invisible at will. This power is estimated to work upon roughly 97% of the human population and is put to a number of uses. Those documented include escaping from predators, trapping food, shoplifting, avoiding photojournalists, stalking, disappearing spookily into the mists and operating “haunted house” rides at funfairs. Its most common use however appears to be unobtrusively attending basketball games. It has been estimated that Mountain Gorillas are present at over 60% of all high school and college basketball games in New Jersey, with major games in other states attracting a more sporadic turn-out due to the difficulties the average Gorilla has fitting into airline seats.
The presence of these Gorillas goes unnoticed by the majority of attendees, who are succeptable to the invisibility suggestion. The remaining three or so percent who do notice the Gorillas either write them off as some kind of college prank, drug induced hallucination or visitation from God, or merely keep quiet for fear of ridicule (there is some anecdotal evidence to suggest that certain narcotics may reduce the effectiveness of the invisibility power, however until properly organised double blind tests are carried out it cannot be ruled out that such drugs merely cause vivid hallucinations of Gorillas that aren’t actually present).
The increasing problem of Gorillas being caught on camera while attending televised games has been dealt with by advances in digital image processing, which allow an editor (usually – although incorrectly – refered to as a “Monkey Cleaner”) to remove Gorillas from the footage in real time. Claims that unusualy ugly human attendees are also removed from broadcasts remain common, although unproven.
Most Mountain Gorillas are perfectly capable of speaking English. They remain silent because of what humans would do to them if they found out.
