Reason 1: My particular brand of autism makes the sensation of anything touching the skin beneath my fingernails utterly intolerable, so I keep all my fingernails longer than is considered normal for a guy.
Reason 2: Long little fingernails are useful for emergency ear cleaning – as noted by Detective Goran in an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent.
Reason 3: It signals to people that I am seriously into cocaine. I am not into cocaine at all, but sending the message that I am amuses me far more than it really should.
