Month: September 2014

That sure told me!

So the other day I happened to check out the trailer for the US reality show Utopia, in which a carefully selected group of academics, scientists and engineers is put into a isolated compound for a year to construct a new society. Oh, sorry, I got that wrong,  a carefully selected bunch of fanatics, weirdos and freaks are put into a compound for a year so we can cheer at them fighting each other. Good wholesome entertainment!

Anyway, I was watching the trailer and they cut to the narrator who was a natty looking chap in a waistcoat, hat, thick rimmed glasses and moustache. “Who’s he think he is?” I laughed to myself “Dan Piraro?“.

A subtitle came up on the screen – Dan Piraro.

Well, that sure told me!

Eater of Pumpkins

So I was all ready to write up a humorous screed this morning about how Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater is clearly a story about a man who murders his wife and that we shouldn’t be reading such things to children, when I discovered that it actually is.

Older variations of the rhyme feature men who shove their unwanted wives up chimneys, or let mice eat them to death. Shoving her into a pumpkin is almost tame by comparison.

Honestly, with all this scholarship it’s getting so you can’t make a simple joke about folklore anymore!

The Court of Ancient Grievances

Order! Order! The Court of Ancient Grievances is now in session!

It is hereby alleged that on or around the 9th of October 1998 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated that the song Thunderbirds are Coming Out by TISM contained “speculation about the sexual proclivities of the Thunderbirds puppets”, indicating that said reviewers had either not listened to the song, or when listening to the song did not pay even cursory attention to the lyrics.

It is furthermore alleged that on or around the 26th of February 2001 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated in relation to the song Heat Seeking Pleasure Machine by Paul Mac that “Paul Mac has a sexy voice”, indicating that said reviewers did not carry out any research or even bother to read the back of the CD case – both actions that would have uncovered the publicly available fact that the vocalist on said song was Tex Perkins of the Cruel Sea.

It is also alleged that on or around the 12th of June 2002 the music reviewers of the Sunday Times newspaper stated that the song Satisfaction by Benny Benassi was a cover of the Rolling Stones song (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction, indicating that said reviewers either failed to listen to the Benny Benassi song, failed to listen to the Rolling Stones song, or equally likely failed to listen to either.

Therefore, it is the opinion of this court that the music reviewers of the Sunday Times between the years 1998 and 2002 were a bunch of complete fart-artists labouring under the weight of a total and systemic contempt for music, the music listening public and their responsibilities as employees of the Sunday Times.

How plead the defendants?

(Note: The Court of Ancient Grievances acknowledges that this all happened a long time ago, and that it might in fact have been the music reviewers of the West Australian Newspaper who carried out these crimes against fact. If so, the Court apologises unreservedly to the music reviewers of the Sunday Times who presumably did not have their heads completely up their arses.)

Round the Cape to the Far Antipodes

I took delivery today of some Lego I’ve ordered to put together a model of Inquisitor Golesh Constantine Pheppos Heldane to go with my other Gaunt’s Ghosts minifigs. Nothing unusual about this you might think, except that I placed the order back on May 19th.

Now, I can accept that prior to the opening of the Suez Canal in 1869, 113 days might be an acceptable delivery time between the UK and Perth, but I really would have thought that the Royal Mail would have moved on from clipper ships by now. Or perhaps the Ordo Chronos of the Emperor’s Holy Inquisition got wind of my plans, disapproved, and caused the parcel to get lost in the Warp? The Lego seems normal with no obvious signs of chaotic taint, but one can never really tell, so I won’t let the resulting model get too far away from Saint Sabbat, just in case.

In any case, Firestar Toys can be absolved of any blame as they clearly did post the parcel a few days after my order. Whatever problems occurred did so after my order left their remit, so I will happily continue to recommend them to all aspiring minifig builders.

Keep your eyes peeled for Inquisitor Heldane!

Spooky

On the way out the door on Thursday morning I randomly grabbed something to read on my commute. The book my hand landed on happened to be Erik Larson’s Isaac’s Storm – a highly readable, if traumatic, account of the Galveston Hurricane of 1900 – the greatest natural disaster in American history.

It was only when finishing it on the train this morning that I realised that today is the 114th anniversary of the storm. Almost one hundred and fourteen years to the minute before I closed the back cover of the book the people of Galveston were going to bed, unaware that before the next day was out somewhere between 6,000 and 12,000 of them would be dead or dying, and their city lying in ruins.

Spooky stuff.

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