One of the best put downs I’ve ever seen was on a message board I stumbled across many years ago…
Someone had taken it upon themselves to start a new thread by posting a lengthy and quite astonishing white supremacist screed. This consisted of some kind of KKK edited version of It’s a Wonderful Life in which a young idiot named Jimmy (or Timmy, or Heinrich or something) goes off to college and comes under the influence of an evil, atheistic, Jewish professor who convinces him that white people are the worst thing to ever happen to the world. On returning home for the holidays he gets into an argument with his white, God fearing, patriotic father and announces “I wish white people never existed!”
Conveniently for all racist didacts an Angel named Clancy appears and takes him on a tour of a world where white people never existed. This mostly consists of barren wastelands devoid of all civilisation because without the influence of white Europeans the rest of humanity are (apparently) unable to even come up with the idea of rubbing two sticks together. Jimmy makes numerous idiotic requests such as “Take me to a Holiday Inn” to which Clancy invariably replies “Without white people there are no Holiday Inns!”, prompting Jimmy to fall into a state of complete despair and request to be whipped off to some other part of the globe, where Clancy is conveniently able to inform him that Archeologists have “recently proved” that the Pyramids or the Great Wall of China or the local KFC were all built by white people. On the rare occasion when Jimmy and his companion manage to locate some semblance of civilisation, the locals are all bloodthirsty savages who try to cook and eat him, which causes him to fall deeper into despair and eventually see how foolish he was to wish away white people, and Clancy undoes the wish, returning him home.
Rather than put this experience down to eating some bad turkey, Jimmy proceeds to gorge himself on a vast meal that name checks every country in Europe, then heads back to his college and shows his classmates THE TRUTH by bawling out the evil, atheistic, Jew Professor who is corrupting the youth of America with his evil, atheistic, Jewish ideas (I don’t recall if the story mentioned it, but it’s highly likely that one of the Ravens of Odin flew into the room and shed a single tear while singing the Horst Wessel Lied).
Following this bizarre rant was a single post from one of the other members of the forum which I can still recall, word for word, all these years later…
So… did you copy that from somewhere, or did you just wake up this morning and think “I think I’ll go batshit insane today!”
Best. Put-down Ever.
You find the best things. lol. I do love the put down. I’ll have to use it sometime.
From a little book called ‘Shakespeare – The Bards Guide to Abuses and Affronts’:
“Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes.” -Richard III
“More of your conversation would infect my brain.” -Coriolanus
“Your wit makes wise things foolish.” -Love’s Labour’s Lost
“Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.” -Twelfth Night
…and the ultimate Shakespearian put-down to a net troll would surely have to be:
“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” -Macbeth
Whoops, I mentioned the Scottish play! What is the cure for cancelling out that superstitious mistake? Hopping around in a circle on your left foot 3 times cockswain then 5 times widdershins whilst rubbing your stomach and tapping your forehead…or something like that?!