Month: April 2013

The Gods Hate Trees!

I’m quite ill at the moment, which is probably why I think this is an amusing idea…

Westeros Baptist Church

News Release

THANK THE SEVEN FOR THE DEATH OF JOFFREY BARATHEON!
WBC TO PICKET THE FUNERAL OF ‘KING’ JOFFREY
The Royal Court is classifying the death of Joffrey Baratheon as an assassination orchestrated by Tyrion ‘The Imp’ Lannister, but the fact is THE SEVEN POISONED HIS CHALICE. How many more terrifying ways will you have the Seven injure and kill your fellow Andals because you insist on tolerating race-dooming, filthy, tree worship?! The Seven placed their stars on the forehead of Hugor of the Hill and commanded submission, not supplication of trees, drowned corpses and demonic fire gods, and will take vengeance! The Baratheons invited special wrath with their willful association with heathen Northmen and Ironmen and blasphemous pagans from across the Narrow Sea. As a direct result of this continuing slide towards depravity the Seven sent poisoned wine to the royal wedding feast. Your callous, defiant sin now leaves the Seven Kingdoms without a Ruler! SEE YE THE BLADE AND WHO HATH WEILDED IT Westeros! What sorrow! What lamentation! What Woe!

THE GODS HATE TREES!

Crazy Bioshock Inifinite Theories Number One

I suspect that the developers of Bioshock Infinite didn’t actually want to use Girls Just Wanna Have Fun in the game. I think they wanted Time After Time, but they couldn’t get the rights.

Why? Several of the other anachronistic songs seem to contain references to the plot and general theme of the game. Fortunate Son and Everybody Wants to Rule the World in particular. Time After Time would seem to tie in with the time travel elements and the relationships Elizabeth has with several of the other characters, and hence fits the game better than Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

It’s a theory!

Went to a Quiz Night with Justin and Marika last night. Our table came about 5th or 6th out of 30 or so, which isn’t bad. We were actually in the lead up until the last few rounds, but we had a couple of bad ones, and some other tables had some good ones. It was a good night – although the organisation was shambolic with the result that it didn’t finish until just before midnight.

Additionally, one of the questions was “What did the S.S. in the name of the S.S. Titanic stand for?”. The correct answer – as any fule shud kno – is absolutely bloody nothing, because the Titanic wasn’t an S.S., it was an R.M.S. There was a $50 penalty for challenging questions so we gritted out teeth and ran with it, receiving full points for the completely erroneous “Steam Ship”. Honestly, who vets these questions?

But yeah, stunning ignorance of historical ship designations aside, it was a really fun night and apparently raised a lot of money, so that’s good.

Hmmm, what else has been going on? Oh yes, I’ve been watching some Adventure Time on YouTube. It’s one of those series I’ve been meaning to check out for ages, and against all the odds now actually have. It turns out that it’s every bit as good as I’ve heard – here’s an episode for you to see for yourself! (assuming lawyers haven’t swept down and destroyed it…).

Finally, here’s some nice, soothing music by the Legendary Stardust Cowboy to tide you over…

Jerusalem

Imagine a train. A steel black, armoured train drawn by a massive behemoth of a steam engine which groans slowly into life, accelerating out of the station and onto the tracks, its whistle howling bleakly into the night. As far as the eye can see is a bleak, post-industrial landscape of broken earth, shattered buildings, and dead chimneys, pierced through by the rail line our train follows, its ever increasing speed turning the piles of collapsed bricks and bent girders into a blur with only the cold, dead hills appearing clear in the distance.

The cabin is occupied by two engineers, their forms concealed by greatcoats,  goggles, rebreathers and caps. One ceaselessly shovels mounds of coal into the roaring furnace while the other types cryptic codes into a worn keypad, frayed and dangling wires carrying his signals back to the carriages behind. A greasy printer mounted on the cabin wall coughs to life and starts outputting a list of towns – the keypad engineer ticks them off as the train hurtles through their broken remains.

A golden light appears on the horizon. As the train climbs the hills it becomes brighter, and brighter still until the engine rounds a curve and a vast industrial complex is revealed, occupying the valley below. The sky is lit by gouts of flame and great searchlights, illuminating the stacks and towers of the refineries and furnaces that stretch to the horizon. The train slows as it comes down off the hills, entering a brightly lit corridor between the stacks. The horns and bells of the complex sound out in welcome and the train whistles back – rolling through the great gates that open in the wall of the largest factory…

Got that? Good. Now listen to it.

Thatcher – Can You Catch Her?

Well, Baroness Thatcher has shuffled off the mortal coil. Can’t say I was a fan of her or her policies, but one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead (they have strange powers!).

I am however reminded of the postcard produced by comedian/activist/provocateur Mark Thomas a few years back when the idea of offering Thatcher a state funeral was mooted (apparently state funerals are seriously a big deal in the UK).

I think that probably says it all.

Oh, and there’s a hastag #nowthatchersdead, which is confusing a lot of people (mostly Americans I expect) who are parsing it wrong and are suddenly very concerned about Cher.

The Hound of Tindalos in Ye Olde Magick Shoppe

Spent  a very enjoyable Saturday evening at Bek’s place playing a game of Arkham Horror. We faced off against Nyarlathotep and did so well at closing Gates and keeping the number of monsters down that the Terror Track never even moved. Playing as private eye Joe Diamond I managed to take down a number of fairly nasty beasties (including blowing up a Star Spawn of Cthulhu with dynamite) and teamed up with Ryan’s scientist to kill a Dimensional Shambler and shut down The Great Ritual almost before it started.

Once I save up the money, Arkham Horror (or possibly the slimmed down Elder Sign) will be making an appearance on my gaming shelf!

Close Bitnami banner
Bitnami