Month: August 2011

Da Guv’na

They see him rollin’, they hatin’

Was crossing the road outside the office today when a most curious vehicle went past. It had a miniature West Australian flag flying from the bonnet, and the number plates were polished silver (well, probably aluminium) with big, chunky, 3D silver crowns in the middle.

A small amount of research later it appears that it was the car of His Excellency Mr Malcolm McCusker AO QC, 33rd Governor of Western Australia.

I don’t think he was actually in said vehicle as I only saw a driver and no passengers and I don’t imagine the Governor drives himself. I suppose he could have been ducking down in the back, but it does seem unlikely.

So that’s my excitement for the week!

Phone Games

Phone numbers. How do they work?

Saturday Morning. My mobile rings from an unknown number…

Me: Hello?
Caller (very weak, wavering, high pitched and slow voice): You told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Wuh? Uh… I’m, sorry but you seem to have the wrong number…
Caller: Oh. But you told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. You have the wrong number.
Caller: So you can’t pick up my old television set?
Me: No, I’m sorry but…
Caller: But you told me to call this number to have my old television set picked up…
Me: Well, I’m sorry but you’ve called the wrong…
Caller: So you won’t pick up my old television set?
Me: No, I’m sorry…
Caller: So who should I speak to to have my old television set picked up?
Me: I’m sorry! You have the wrong number! I’m just a person sitting at home! I’m not a moving company or a charity! You have the wrong number!
Caller: Oh……….. I have the wrong number?
Me: Yes!
Caller: Oh…… I’m sorry.
Me: That’s OK.
Caller: Oh. Goodbye… for now… (hangs up)
Me: For NOW??

Underbelly Maylands

Murders in Maylands

The trains were running late this morning and the one I was on was halted for quite some time at Maylands station while a pair of cops searched it up and down.

Turns out there’s been a double murder just near the station and the whole area is completely locked down. The cops were looking to see if the alleged killer was trying to escape via the rails.

Scary stuff! Not to mention the that I was late for work!

(What’s the odds that there’s Bikie involvement?)

Charlton Heston

The recipe for egg fried lice

And here are the lyrics to yesterday’s discovery…

Stump – Charlton Heston

The pyramids were in construction,
The Pharaoh glowed with satisfaction,
But then to his immense surprise,
His empire fell before his eyes,
A hundred thousand busy slaves,
Downed their tools and stood and stared,

The Red Sea walls stood like a canyon,
The Pharaoh pulled up in his wagon,
And saw within those walls of glass,
A herd of whales go racing past,
A hundred thousand fishy tales,
Crossed his mind about the day…

…that Charlton Heston put his vest on,

The broken tablets had been mended,
The golden calf had been up-ended,
And old folk sittin’ ’round the fire,
Would talk of voices from the sky,
Babies sailing down the Nile,
The recipe for locust pie,
A hundred thousand frogs per mile,
We’d always ask them to describe…

…how Charlton Heston put his vest on,

Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal,
Shalt not commit adultery,
Boils the size of 50p,
Lights! Camel! Action!
Bushes that refuse to burn,
See these sandals hardly worn,
Raining blood, raining bread,
The night we painted Egypt red,
Thou shalt not covet, shalt not lie,
Thou shalt not bonk your neighbour’s wife,
The recipe for egg fried lice,
A hundred ways to kill a fly,
Love your daddy, love your mummy,
Put your bread in milk and honey,
Loved his fish, he did, he did,
Never beat the wife and kids,
Slouch though desert, slouch through sand,
Until we reach the promised land,
Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal,
Shalt not commit adultery,
Boils the size of 50p,
Lights! Camel! Action!
Bushes that refuse to burn,
See these sandals hardly worn,
Raining blood and raining bread,
The night we painted Egypt red,
Thou shalt not covet, shalt not lie,
Thou shalt not bonk your neighbour’s wife,
The recipe for egg fried lice,
Lights! Camel! Action!
Lights! Camel! Action!

Charlton Heston put his vest on,
Charlton Heston put his vest on,
Charlton Heston put his vest on,
Charlton Heston put his vest on,
Charlton Heston put his vest on…

Lights! Camel! Action!

I like the bit about the whales.

I was thinking today (as one does) of the band Stump and their wonderful (and previously featured on this blog) song Buffalo, when it occurred to me that I’d never actually bothered to look up anything else they’d recorded. A bizarre situation that I had to address immediately!

So I did, and was rewarded with Charlton Heston.

Quirky, weird, Hollywood-biblical and catchy as hell, and that’s why it’s my pick of the week!

Enjoy!

By the way – 100,000 frogs per mile works out to one frog per 1.6 centimetres, which seems a tad crowded. Unless they mean 100,000 frogs per square mile, which works out to a measly one frog per 25.89 square metres. Across the whole of modern Egypt this would total 38,666,200,700 frogs.

Just in case you were wondering.

Unpainting the Wall

Being my first time creating a website I simply didn’t think of this…

An email from a client today, who asked us to add a new and very complicated feature to his recently constructed website (details redacted to protect the innocent)…

Bit confused about the costing for the [new feature] – if I had realized this earlier, I would have had it done previously.

Sort of would have thought that [other client] would have already had something like this – being my first time creating a website I simply didn’t think of this.

In other words, “the website doesn’t do something that I never actually asked for it to do, but you should have realised that that’s what I wanted so you should do the work for free”.

Ha! Haha! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Clients, how they crack me up!

Strapped for Cash

Quinoa and beans

I’m a bit strapped for cash at the moment. Not seriously so, just enough to be careful with what I’m spending until I move a bit further into the black. As such I haven’t been doing any grocery shopping and have instead been eating through everything in the fridge and pantry first. I’m pretty much down to the dregs now – my dinner tonight consisted of a steamed carrot, a baked potato and a tin of baked beans mixed with quinoa. Surprisingly enjoyable actually.

Breakfast options tomorrow are limited to more quinoa, cream of mushroom soup, barley, or another steamed carrot. Hmmmm.

Went to a quiz night on Friday at East Fremantle oval. Our table ended up coming second out of about thirty-five, which isn’t too bad – well, apart from the fact that there were no second prizes. Justin helped himself to some of the fancy water bottles in retaliation.

That’s all I’ve got say 🙂

 

Keen Observational Skills

Maybe I just subconsciously blocked it out…

Just discovered (courtesy of Worst of Perth) that the former Ettamogah Pub in Morley has been demolished.

And when I say “has been demolished” I mean “was demolished back in 2009”.

I go past the site all the time, and hadn’t even noticed. My powers of observation are obviously as keen as ever!

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