Month: December 2005

Favorite Beatles song: Very hard to pick, perhaps “All My Loving”.

Favorite solo song by a former Beatle: “Watching the Wheels” by John Lennon.

Favorite Rolling Stones song: “Ruby Tuesday”.

Favorite Bob Dylan song: “Hurricane”.

Favorite Pixies song: “Alec Eifel”.

Favorite Prince song: “Little Red Corvette”.

Favorite Michael Jackson song: “Billy Jean”.

Favorite Metallica song: “Master of Puppets”.

Favorite Public Enemy song: I have virtually no knowledge of Public Enemy apart from that they did a very good job of frightening white, middle class Americans some years back – something for which they should be applauded.

Favorite Depeche Mode song: “Blasphemous Rumours”, naturally.

Favorite Cure song: Either “Wrong Number” or “Lullaby”. Or perhaps “Friday I’m in Love”.

Favorite song that most of your friends haven’t heard: Ye gods, ask a hard one why don’t you? I’ll say “The Jeep Song” by the Dresden Dolls for now.

Favorite Beastie Boys song: “Body Moving”.

Favorite Police song: Either “Every Breath you Take” or “Message in a Bottle”.

Favorite Sex Pistols song: The immortal “Anarchy in the UK”, natch.

Favorite song from a movie: “The Ruby Rap” from the Fifth Element 🙂

Favorite Blondie song: “The Tide is High”.

Favorite Genesis song: Every song I think is by Genesis turns out to be by Phill Collins, none the less I shall say “Invisible Touch” – if only because the chorus is so uninteligable you can have enormous fun singing “She seems to have an invisible tonsure”

Favorite Led Zeppelin song: Don’t really know much of their stuff really. I’ll avoid the cliche of “Stairway to Heaven” and say “Kashmir” because it has such a cool riff.

Favorite INXS song: Has to be “Don’t Change”.

Favorite Weird Al song: “Smells like Nirvana”.

Favorite Pink Floyd song: “The Turning Away”.

Favorite cover song: Right at the moment “Six Months in a Leaky Boat” by Little Birdie, although that will no doubt change once I hear some other good cover.

Favorite dance song: Depends on what is meant by “Dance”. If it’s referring to the so-named (and generally completely banal) genre of the early to mid 90’s, then about the most telerable example was “Rhythm is a Dancer” by Snap. If it’s being used as a term for electronic/club/house/etc in general then it’s a toss up between “Last Train to Trancentral” by the KLF or “1990’s – Time for the Guru” by Guru Josh, which is electronic music extended to its ultimate (and quite ridiculous) conclusion 🙂

Favorite U2 song: “Angel of Harlem”.

Favorite disco song: Either “Ma Baker” or “Rasputin” by Boney M. Actually make that anything by Boney M.

Favorite The Who song: “Baba O’Reilly (Teenage Wasteland)”.

Favorite Elton John song: I can think of plenty of his songs but consider most of them to be mild background noise as opposed to music. Hmmm, “Crocodile Rock” maybe because of the extremely silly chorus.

Favorite Clash song: Undoubtedly has to be “London Calling”.

Favorite David Bowie song: I can only choose one?! Either “Ashes to Ashes” or “Modern Love” I guess.

Favorite Nirvana song: “Lithium”.

Favorite Snoop Dogg song: If I ever willingly listen to a Snoop Dogg song I hope someone ‘busts a cap’ in my head.

Favorite Ice Cube song: Ditto.

Favorite Johnny Cash song: C’mon! You all know the words! “Ahhh fell in tooour burnin’ ring o’ fiii-urr!”

Favorite R.E.M. song: Another tricky one. Either “What’s the Frequency Kenneth” or “The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight”

Favorite Elvis song: “Suspicious Minds”.

Favorite cheesy-ass country song: “Love is Like a T-Bone Steak” by the Sensitive New Aged Cowpersons 🙂

Favorite Billy Joel song: See Elton John. I’d either have to go with either “The Longest Time” or “Uptown Girl” – which is actualy really well constructed musically once you get over the fact that it’s “Uptown Girl”.

Favorite Bruce Springsteen song: “The River”.

Favorite Big Audio Dynamite song: “Rush”. It should be noted that this is the only song of thier’s I even know.

Favorite New Order song: It’s a huge cliche but “Blue Monday”.

Favorite Neil Diamond song: Humiliating as it is, I’ve always had a soft spot for “Sweet Caroline”.

Favorite Squeeze song: I hate to expose my ignorance, but who???

Favorite Smiths song: Either “How Soon is Now” or “The Light”.

Favorite Tragically Hip Song: I’ve heard of them, but don’t know any of their music.

The African Mountain Gorilla (Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla) is a large, hairy primate mostly found in central Africa and Carteret New Jersey. It can be distinguished from the more numerous American Lowland Gorilla (Gorilla Gorilla Lindbergii) by its darker pelt, more thoughtful expression, powers of psychic invisibility and passion for basketball (the American Gorilla prefers football or hockey).

The chief notable feature of the Mountain Gorilla is its aforementioned ability to become invisible at will. This power is estimated to work upon roughly 97% of the human population and is put to a number of uses. Those documented include escaping from predators, trapping food, shoplifting, avoiding photojournalists, stalking, disappearing spookily into the mists and operating “haunted house” rides at funfairs. Its most common use however appears to be unobtrusively attending basketball games. It has been estimated that Mountain Gorillas are present at over 60% of all high school and college basketball games in New Jersey, with major games in other states attracting a more sporadic turn-out due to the difficulties the average Gorilla has fitting into airline seats.

The presence of these Gorillas goes unnoticed by the majority of attendees, who are succeptable to the invisibility suggestion. The remaining three or so percent who do notice the Gorillas either write them off as some kind of college prank, drug induced hallucination or visitation from God, or merely keep quiet for fear of ridicule (there is some anecdotal evidence to suggest that certain narcotics may reduce the effectiveness of the invisibility power, however until properly organised double blind tests are carried out it cannot be ruled out that such drugs merely cause vivid hallucinations of Gorillas that aren’t actually present).

The increasing problem of Gorillas being caught on camera while attending televised games has been dealt with by advances in digital image processing, which allow an editor (usually – although incorrectly – refered to as a “Monkey Cleaner”) to remove Gorillas from the footage in real time. Claims that unusualy ugly human attendees are also removed from broadcasts remain common, although unproven.

Most Mountain Gorillas are perfectly capable of speaking English. They remain silent because of what humans would do to them if they found out.